Cracked, but not broken
by Osryc
Summary: Jane Hannah Shepard carries the fate of the galaxy on her shoulders. Burdend with too much weight, even the smallest things can cause cracks in a foundation. ME3 FemShep, spacer/war hero/paragon. Faithful Liara romance. The very first story of a non-native speaker. Please review! Thanks to Flauschtraut from DeviantArt for the great cover image!
1. Introduction

This a little introductional chapter.

First, I want to thank everyone who inspired me in some way to write this story/start writing at all:

Thanks to Bioware, for creating this universe.

Thanks to fahRENheit2006, QGA opened the world of fan fiction to me.

Thanks to fishbone76 from : You're a true artist!

Thanks to HugoCogs for creating a story that infected me with the Liara/Femshep pairing and for being the source of the Liara pet name I like the most (Bluebird will be used in my story, too)

Thanks to Desert Sunrise for a truly romantic story (waiting for more chapters!)

Thanks to Theodur, the Rhapsody-series is just great. Read it! Seriously!

Thanks to 1Syphira and Rae D. Magdon. What would a story be without smut? ;)

Thanks to quinnthelionheartedgirl, Lord of comms and many more... You are all awesome!

Special thanks to Melaradark. The Dark Energy series is just perfect, and the small encouragement on your profile made me start thinking about writing by myself. Thank you!

Last but not least, thanks to the poor guy who will be my beta reader someday. You have been warned! ;P

So, finally some place to tell you about my story:

First of all, almost every chapter will take place **between** missions. I don't like retelling; there will be original dialogue, but it will always come with something new. The storyline itself will begin on Aratoth and end on Thessia with the two love birds wedding night.

Regarding the main plot of ME3 I will, however, stay close to canon, with only minor adjustments (Spoiler: Allers will be not the one onboard the Normandy)made, as I see fit. But, as much as I will follow the original story, there will (and take this as a promise) NOT be a three-coloured ending or a star child.

The Normandy's retrofits work a little different in my story. Liara's office will be located in the starboard cargo hold, and she will live in the captains quarters, leaving the X.O.'s office as it was during ME2. If I include Javik (not entirely sure, yet, opinions on the topic would be great), he will be located in life-support. Starboard observation is gone, replaced by luxury diplomats quarters. Did anyone ever wondered where Primarch Victus was sleeping during his time on the Normandy? Well, here is the answer. The Normandy was retrofitted as the personal command vessel of an admiral, after all, so there should have been guest quarters.

The history of Liara and Jane will be a little different from canon, assuming LotSB was done very early in ME2, and they had time to fix their relationship. There will still be a little tension and insecurity in the beginning (Hey, it's been 6 months, dammit!^^), but I'm just too romantic to keep them apart for long.

Jane herself is a typical paragade Spacer/War Hero/Soldier, saved the Rachni, saved the Council, destroyed the Collector base, kind of girl; mostly true paragon with minor exceptions, like destroying the heretics and being renegade at the right places (hint: punching quarian admirals is fun!).

And yes, Jane Hannah Shepard is the ME3 default Femshep. If you don't like Freckle-Shep, well, thats your loss.

As you notice, I'm writing this introduction like I have a plan for the story. Well, I have, sort of, but being an inexperienced writer, I'm not able to start from the beginning and finish it to the end. Instead I will write a very mixed selection of chapters and scenes. It is very possible that I will post updates jumping back and forth in time. To avoid additional confusion, starting with the next update, I will name all chapters, so followers can spot the new chapters easily, even if I readjusted something. As soon as the number of chapters grows further, I will be able to fill in the blanks, transforming it from a collection of stories into one big story.

As I wrote in the description, I'm a non-native writer. Making things worse, until I started this story, I have not spoken or writen in English for 8 years. I read a lot, yes, but reading a foreign language is simple. Writing or even thinking in it...well, not so much, if everything you have is that that you remember from school...

As soon as I have a beta reader, I will post revised chapters, which will be marked as CHAPTERNAME (revised). Kind of obvious, I know.

Until this day has come I appologize for the inconvinience of a rather unpolished story, but I'm hoping, you're able to enjoy it anyway.

I'm looking forward to a long journey finishing this story, but I'm excited by the challenge.

If you particularly like or dislike something, PLEASE review. I have no experience, so you have tell me all; the good, the bad and the batarian.

A quick notification regarding format:

Normal text

"Speech"

 _Thoughts, flashbacks, speech in the meld_

 _ **Dreams, memories in the meld**_

 **Place and time of action**


	2. Another Crack

**The Normandy, 3 weeks after Menae, en route to the war summit** _ **  
**_

Deep in thoughts Shepard heads to the elevator, barely noticing the polite greetings of her crew. It was not until she actually left the CIC, she realizes she hasn't decided what to do next yet. A quick glance to her omni-tool tells her it's just 19:00 shiptime. Liara is most likely still busy with the broker network, surely not welcoming any distraction at the moment; the alternative however, waiting for her in the crow's nest alone, working through mission reviews and casualty reports, thightens her throat by the very thought.

Hesitating, fingers hovering just over the elevators buttons, she finally comes to a conclusion and sends the cabin to the crew deck. A cup of coffee, a cookie and the friendly chatter of the eating crewmen would be just the right thing to kill time.

And, indeed, the mess hall is visited well at this time, most of the day-shift crew still taking dinner. Pouring herself a generous cup of coffee, she steals a quick glance over her shoulder, overriding the lock of Donnelly's private stock with her command-codes. Grinning, with an impish spark in her emerald eyes, she pinches a piece of the scotman's shortbread. _Rank actually comes with benefits_ , she thinks, chuckling quietly as she walkes towards the tables, taking a seat next to Adams. The engineer greets her with a brief nod, returning to his discussion with Dr. Chakwas quickly.

"What's the topic?" she asks, turning to Cortez on her left, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Oh, nothing important. EDI's new body animated them to think about the philosophical and moral implications of synthetic live..."

The pilot manages to produce an almost perfect, only slightly amused, matter-of-fact tone. Made curious, she listens more carefully, noticing quickly that the doctor and the engineer are supporting entirely different opinions.

"We're all machines, carbon or silicon. Is there really a difference?"

Hearing a statement like that from Adams is not exactly surprising, considering his profession and friendly relation with the ship's AI.

Dr. Chakwas however, shoots back immediatly.

"People feel emotion. Artificial intelligence is programmed."

"Punch me, I get angry. I don't choose-I just get angry. Our emotions are programming."

"That's not the same thing. Our emotions are a natural response."

The old question. "Does this unit have a soul?" The question to start a war 300 years in the making. The question she heard first in another life, a few months ago. The question that startled her, the very first time she heard it.

Deep in her thoughts and memories of the strange Geth Legion and his slightly creepy obsession with her, she nearly overhears the ongoing discussion, until a particular question of Dr. Chakwas catches her attention again.

"So you believe the Geth share the same rights and liberties as any organic being?"

 _Yes._ Jane thinks, still remembering Legion, slighty amused of herself as she notices she is actually missing the remarkable Geth unit.

"If that Geth is minding his own business, he has more rights than Cerberus."

Adams continues to be open-minded, but the doctor seems to get a little annoyed of Adams point of view, especially as the engineer compares the Geth with Cerberus.

"Despite my disgust for Cerberus, they're still human. The Geth are just machines."

This is where Jane decides to take a side. After taking a final sip of her coffee, she puts her cup down to the table, clearing her throat. Folding her fingers thoughtfully, she is taking a moment to gather her toughts.

"Genetics don't make us alive. It's our self-awareness, curiosity and capacity to evolve. The Geth, or EDI, may, or may not have a soul, if you believe in something like that, but they are, without a doubt, alive. Machines, yes, but living ones."

Adams agrees with a approving nod.

"Well-put, Commander."

Content with her statement, she catches the almost forgotten piece of shortbread, taking a bite, savoring the rich taste.

Dr. Chakwas, however, purses her lips, narrows her eyes and points her finger at the chewing Spectre.

"Of course you'd say that. You two are practically machines yourselves."

The words are not spoken with malice, it's nothing more than one of Karin's dry, mocking jokes, but they manage to turn the buttery taste in her mouth into acid. While Adams has the stature to laugh, she has to swallow heavily, feeling the shortbread in her hand turning into crumbs as her hand twitches involuntarely. The all too familiar, high-pitched noise in her ears returns, growing louder and louder, until there is nothing else left.

All of a sudden she is on her feet, leaving the mess hall with quick footsteps, stone-faced, ignoring the worried calls and glances of her crew.

It's not until the elevator doors are closed safely behind her she allows the heat in her eyes to break free.

* * *

Finally Liara manages to tear herself away from the consoles. There are, as always, still reports coming in, but today she actually managed to process all of the agglomerated intel.

 _And tomorow there will be a bunch of new messages waiting to be read, orders to be given, decisions to be made..._ she thinks with a stressed sigh, pulling herself out of her chair and stretching her aching back.

"Goddess!" The word, acompanied with a moan, slips from her lips as her back rewards her movement with a soft, but audible "Pop".

 _Maybe I should ask Jane to massage my back..._ she thinks with a thoughtful hum, reminiscent of her lovers strong, skillful hands, as she begins to switch the data feeds and Glyph to automatic processing mode.

Taking a quick glance to the chrono at one of her terminals, she decides to go to the mess first, catching two plates with food for Jane and herself. Knowing her bondmate well, Liara doubted that Shepard had remembered to have proper lunch.

 _Always too busy saving the galaxy to take care of herself... I realy should spent more time with her, just be there for her, but there is so much to do...Goddess, I hate this War!_

Befor she can sink into wistful thoughts totaly, she is interupted by her omni-tool, notifing her of an incoming vid-call. Kniting her brow markings, she accepts the call, only to be surprised by the sight of a slightly worried and guilty looking Dr. Chakwas. The expression on the normaly so stoic woman's face is enough to make Liara herself getting startled.

"Dr. Chakwas , is there something wrong?"

"Yes. No. I...I don't know... It's Shepard...I think, I said something to upset her. She practically rushed out of the mess a few minutes ago. It's propably nothing, but the way she left...It was just not like her. Would you check on her, my dear?"

The doctor spoke with her typical, calm voice, but there was something about it...

 _Her accent. Her accent is even more dominant than usual._

"Of course. I was just leaving, anyway." Liara says, locking the door to her office in the starbord cargo bay behind her and calling the elevator. Dr. Chakwas seems to relax a bit, but Liara herself feels a growing tension buidling up in her.

"That is a relief to hear. And please, would you tell the Commander, that I'm truly sorry?"

"Yes. Thank you." Ending the call and entering the elevator, Liara looks up to the ceiling unwittingly.

"EDI, could you tell me where I can find Shepard?"

The AI answers her question immediatly, her synthetic voice, originated from the direction Liara is looking at, filled with a slight hint of simulated emotion, filled with...concern( _?!_ ).

"The Commander is currently in her cabin. Thermal and humidity sensor readings of her body indicate significant emotional stress. I recommend haste."

 _Humidity sensors...Sweat? No, EDI wouldn't...Goddess, she's crying!_

The realisation enough to nearly make her panic, the asari punches the button to the top floor with a shaking hand, restless bobing up and down on her feet as the elevator begins it's painful slow climb. Finally reaching the captain's quarters, she rushes towards the door and forces herself to stay calm, unlocking the orange glowing seal with her personal deactivation code.

Entering their cabin, she is literaly frozen in place by the painful view, making her heart ache with anxiety: All lights, except the ones luminating the aquarium, are dark and Jane, the woman she loves, is sitting curled up on the floor, her back pressed to the wall beneath the fish tank, her face burried in her knees which she clutches with her arms, her body shaken by uncontrolled sobs, as she is bathed in the dim, dancing lights of the water behind her.

 _I have never seen her like this, not even after the attack on Earth! By the Goddess, what has Karin done to her?!_

Liara forces herself to push the growing anger away, quietly walking towards the small bundle of tears that is Jane. The only thing important now is to be there for her bondmate, to comfort her, to lessen the pain.

After stripping her gloves off and slowly letting herself slip down the same wall Shepard is sitting at, Liara wraps her left arm around Jane's trembling back and pulls her lovers shaking body towards her, settling her head on Liaras chest. The athletic body follows without resistance, but as soon as Liara starts stroking her head with slow motions of her free hand, Jane's sobbing starts to grow even more forceful, and Liara immediately starts to feel self-conscious.

 _Oh, I'm so bad at this, I have never done this, what shall I do? What shall I say?_

Suddenly she remembers a similar situation, so long ago, that it feels like a lifetime. Liara herself was overwhelmed by feelings after defeating the Shadow Broker, the relief of leaving her past behind, the fear of the future to come... Jane held her in her arms, just like Liara was holding her now, caressing her and...was simply there.

Growing confident she was doing nothing wrong, Liara continues holding and stroking her lover. She couldn't say how long it took until the sobs started to slow down, slowly turning into periodical sniffs; it was not important.

After some time, Jane activly returns the hug, pulling herself even closer to her. Taking it as a good sign, Liara places a peck on the top of Jane's red mop of hair. Thinking carefuly of how to proceed, the asari finaly starts talking, coating her words with a soft voice.

"Can you tell me?"

Quick, sharp shakes at the now moist fabric of her science uniforms front, followed by another sniff.

Pushing through flicks of red hair, she uses her thumb to caress her lovers forhead.

"Can you show me?"

A moment of hesitation, then one, brief nod at her chest.

Liara exhales with a sigh of relief. She reaches out with her mind, pushing to the presence of Jane's feelings, which have grown as familiar and comforting as a soft blanket to her, much different to the first, exhausting meldings back on the SR-1. Reaching a shallow meld with her bondmate is now like coming home to her.

 _Jane, it's all right. I'm here._

Her bondmate's mind is swirling in chaos, a carrousel of shame, anger, sorrow and pain, making it difficult for Liara to concentrate onto the memories she wants to see.

 _Darling, I want to help you, but you have to show me. Show me whats wrong!_

For Liara, it is impossible to say if Shepard took her words literally or if she just couldn't seperate all the painful thoughts any more. All of a sudden Liara's mind is rushed by memories and emotions, streaming out of her lover like pus out of an infected wound.

 _ **A girl. Building her first ship model. "Mommy, look!" A woman is reading reports.**_

 _ **"I'm finished! Mommy! Mommy, look!" A woman stands up and shouts angrily.**_

 _ **Elysium. Bullets piercing freckled flesh. A hero saved them all, but lost all to come.**_

 _ **A girl. Star of Terra pinned to her chest. A woman salutes. The girl needed a hug.**_

 _ **"Hold the line!" Military bravado, nuclear fire. Loosing one friend or another?**_

 _ **Dying with the ship. Blaze of glory. Ashley is wrong, there is no light. Only...blue? Liara...**_

 _Oh, Shepard..._

Her physical body reacts inevitably, her black eyes shimmering in tears.

 _ **Pain. A skinless body. "She's not ready!" Darkness. "Wake up, Commander."**_

 _ **A dark-skinned man. "First time I saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes."**_

 _ **The medbay. Alive again. Freckled flesh without a scar, one damage still intact.**_

 _ **Liara. Ilium. Reunion. Terminals. It has been 2 years. It has been 2 months. Who is wrong?**_

 _I..I'm so sorry! I...didn't know what to do...I was so used to control myself, and..._

 _ **The medbay. Bone and flesh stitched together with synthetic weaving. Just another scar.**_

 _ **A console. A VI is calculating estimated casualties. 304942. Trembling fingers move...**_

 _ **Hackett. The first crack. Screaming. Vandalizing. A high pitched noise. Silence out of a syringe.**_

 _ **Vancouver. A clinic. Questions, ink spots on white paper. Freckled arms chained to a cold bed.**_

 _They did what?! I. Will. Flay. Them. Alive!_

 _ **House arrest. No messages today, no visitors today. The same day for 2 months.**_

 _ **A medical officer, Alliance uniform. "This is fascinating! 20% synthetic! Only minor rejection!"**_

 _ **House arrest. No messages today, no visitors today. The same day for 3 months.**_

 _ **An Alliance reporter. "Tonight: Everything you should know about the Butcher of Bahak,..."**_

 _ **House arrest. No messages today, no visitors today. The same day for 4 months.**_

 _ **An Alliance reporter."...,disgraced Commander Shepard, a war hero gone rogue!"**_

 _ **House arrest. The same day for 5 and a half months. No rank, no honor, no friends. Alone.**_

 _Oh, Jane! I tried, I really tried, but they wouldn't let me! Believe me, I tried everything!_

 _ **Earth. The Reapers are attacking. Anderson. "How do you stop something so powerful?"**_

 _ **304942 souls, the price for 6 months. 6 months to prepare. No preparations made.**_

 _ **Earth. The planet is burning. The fleets are destroyed. The Normandy leaves the atmosphere.**_

 _ **Ashley, pointing to a Cerberus-Cyborg. "That could have been you, Shepard!"**_

 _ **Liara. Holding hands with Dr. Eva. Dr. Eva has emerald eyes. Dr. Eva is burning. EDI is born.**_

 _Wait...what is this?_

 _ **Earth. The planet is burning. The fleets are destroyed. The Normandy leaves the system.**_

 _ **Hackett, giving so many orders. Unite the galaxy! Save the galaxy! Win the war for us!**_

 _ **Liara. Hugging EDI. EDI has emerald eyes. "I love you, Bluebird." The voice is Shepard's.**_

 _I...I don't understand..._

 _ **The medbay. Patched up again. Now there is 79% left. Mostly human. Almost human.**_

 _Goddess, Jane..._

 _ **Liara. Kissing EDI. EDI has emerald eyes. "Bluebird, will you marry me?" The voice is EDI's.**_

 _This...this is what you fear, isn't it?_

 _ **"Of course you'd say that. You two are practically machines yourselves."**_

 ** _The high pitched noise returns. Another crack. Don't let them see it. Don't let them see!_ **

Liara is cutting the connection gently, gradualy moving herself out of her bondmates mind, still holding her against her chest. Wiping moisture from her cheeks, using the other hand to stroke Shepards shoulder, she sits there quietly, still processing the images she saw. The bone-chilling cold in her body is not completely the fault of the unheated floor she is sitting at.

"I'm sorry."

Hearing Shepards small voice, filled with regret, coarse and thin, nearly makes her heart jump out of her chest.

"Goddess, Jane! Why should you even think about being sorry with anyone?!"

Shepard finally glances up, puffy emeralds meet big sapphires.

"It's what I do."

Jane is right, of course. Since Therum she has always been like this. Saving trapped little archeologists, saving the Rachni, saving the Citadel, the Council, human colonies, and now the very existence of the galaxy. Everything because she simply cared. It is propably the one thing Liara loves most of her, but right now, she hates it the most. Taking a deep breath to calm her raging feelings, Liara pulls her bondmate into a more upright position and starts cleaning the traces of tears from Jane's face, finishing her efforts with a deep, desperate kiss. Both are caught in the moment, holding each other frantically even after they both have to catch a breath, simply not willing to let go.

After some time, Liara notices that Jane is shivering again, this time clearly because of the chilling cold floor. Standing up quickly, she pulls Shepard with her, leading her to the bed. Undressing everthing except their underwear, they wrap up under the warm blanket, Jane cuddling in Liaras arms. Caressing her lovers red hair, Liara takes some time, until she starts the inevitable.

"You know that we have to talk..."

She asks carefully, slightly worried about Jane's reaction. Her bondmate's shoulders stiffen, but the only other reaction is a resignated sigh.

"I know, Bluebird."

The pet name actually manages to make her smile and strengthens her confidence. After a brief pause, she continues, her finger following the line of Jane's ear up and down as she speaks.

"There is a lot I have to think about first, but we really should talk about these dreams right now..."

The caressing of Shepards ear seems to have the desired effect. Instead of tensing herself up, her bondmates answer is a confirming hum. Liara sighs in relief and continues.

"When did they start?"

Jane's answer is a sheepish glance up into Liara's eyes.

"The EDI-ones or the similiar ones before them?"

 _Goddess!_

"Both."

"The EDI-dreams right after Menae, the very first night EDI jumped into Dr. Eva's body. The dreams before..." The end of Jane's answer is unaudible, practically whispered towards Liaras chest.

"Jane?"

A resignated sigh, one word.

"Lazarus."

* * *

Liara remains silent. Waiting for an answer, Jane is slowly growing startled. After a few uncomfortable minutes, she has to break the silence, otherwise she would loose her mind.

"Bluebird, I'm sorry! Say something. Anything. Please."

Jane's left reaches for Liara's right hand, crossing fingers and pulling it up to her, placing a brief, apologetic peck on it. Liara tightens her grip squeezing Jane's hand almost painfully. Liara remaines silent for a while. Her next question is the one Jane fears the most.

"Why?"

 _Do I have the strength to tell her the truth?_

Jane hates herself for the answer, but it is everything she is able to say.

"You've seen it."

"No! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you trust me? Why?"

Liara is clearly upset, nearly shouting, but the last word is accompanied by a sharp sob and Jane notices her lovers hand trembling in her grip. Taking a glance up she can see the injured feelings on the asari's face. It is too much. She never wanted to make Liara cry. She would rather be dead. Jane has to tell her the truth, but she can't bear to see the truth in these sapphire eyes. Resting her head on the asari's shoulder, she starts talking, her voice shaking with emotions, but audible, her eyes closed.

"I...I don't know...I don't..."

Jane has to clear her throat befor she is able to speak the words she feared for over a year.

"I don't know if there is something like a soul or a greater power. Ashley believes in it, but I'm not sure...I did, somehow...but...

 _I believed when I was a child. I believed after I survived Elysium. I believed when I saw you on Therum for the first time. I believed after you told me you love me._

I don't remember anything. You've seen it. I do remember dying, but after that..."

Struggling with her words Jane has to take a short break.

"You saw what was...left of me. And...It doesn't matter that it was Cerberus, who brought me back. It doesn't matter what methods they used. I'm still me. I feel like I felt befor Alchera. I love you the same way I loved you before. Maybe even more. But..."

Liara's grip around Jane's fingers softens, no longer an almost painful press, but an encouraging squeeze. Clearing her throat has become harder, but somehow Jane manages to proceed.

"But I was ressurected by...humans. Just humans. Maybe they really just fixed me, or maybe I'm just a high tech VI that thinks it's Commander Shepard. But I don't know. I...

 _I don't know, if this is my body. I don't know, if I have the right to love you. I don't know, if there is an angry Shepard in heaven hating a fraud._

I don't know it, not for certain. But I know you can't clone a soul, Bluebird, nor you can bring it back. If there is something like a soul or an afterlife, this body is the only part of Commander Shepard that's left, and if I loose too much of it..."

She has no tears left. All she wants to do is curl herself up into a ball, but she has to say it. Liara has to know the truth.

"The only thing I'm sure about, the only thing certain in my life is that I love you. Without that...

You love Commander Shepard, and if...if I loose too much...

I...I can't bear to loose my identity, Bluebird, I just can't. Without it..without it. I'd be...I'd be...just another living machine, and..."

* * *

Liara is speechless.

 _It was my task to close this wound, but I failed. She had to endure a year of pain, just because I didn't realize it. Goddess! I was so happy to have her back, to realize it was actually her.. I didn't...think._

It's a liability that would follow her for the rest of her life. But for now, she has to fix her mistake. Breathing slowly to calm her raging feeling, Liara proceeds caressing the red mop of hair at her chest.

"I wish you'd told me, Jane. I knew it was really you the first time I touched you again. You are the other half of my soul. I love you. I always will."

She hates her thin voice at this moment. She has filled the words with compassion, love and devotion, but they seem so terribly inadequate. But they are the truth. She only hopes the truth is enough.

Shepard's body stiffens in her arms, her hesitation physically noticable. Finally she is lifting her head, slowly, Jane's body following until their heads are on par, her eyes shimmering with despair, doubt...and hope.

"Are you sure?"

Her answer is a smile, accompanied by a reassuring nod and a soft kiss onto Jane's forhead.

It is enough. Jane starts crying again, but this time not out of despair. These are happy tears. Liara closes her arms around her bondmates muscular shoulders and pulls Shepard towards her, resting the freckled head on her chest.

"I'm s-so s-sor-ry, B-bluebird"

"Shhh, it's ok..."

"N-no. I sh-should n-not cry l-like this. I-i'm s-supposed t-to be strong..."

"Not in here. It's ok. You don't have to be strong for me."

"I l-love y-you! I l-love you s-so much!"

Time passes and Liara feels her lovers breath slowing down, calmed by the soothing strike of the asari's heart.

"Do you need anything, my love?"

"No, it's...perfect. Just...just hold me."

Shepards voice is soft and sleepy, and only moments later, Liara listens to her adorable little snores. Chuckling quietly, she watches the stars above her.

 _Jane is right._

She moans, her eyes growing heavy.

 _Perfect..._


	3. Fairytale love

**Ooof, this evolved into a rather large chapter. Lots of Jane, many emotions. And nothing of it was planned. I hope you like it anyway... As always, please review. No one get's better without feedback!**

* * *

 **The Normandy, in orbit over Surkesh**

"Cortez, how long until we reach the Normandy?"

"Three minutes, tops, Ma'am."

Sighing deeply, Jane looks back to the other passengers who are sitting in the slightly crowded shuttle. Wrex and Eve alone would have been enough to fill a lot of space, but combined with Garrus, wearing his clunky turian armor, it is almost impossible to walk around in the Kodiak without bumping ellbows with someone.

And then there are the other two passengers, of course. Swallowing heavily, Jane rises from the co-pilot's seat and stumbles a few steps towards them, feeling another pang of regret as she is looking down to Mordin, giving first aid to her unconscious bondmate.

 _I shouldn't have brought her on this mission. It's my fault and my fault alone._

It's propably the hundreth time she thinks that way, but it will not be the last, for sure. Watching Liara lying on a stretcher, blue skin awfully pale, is almost too much to bear for her, making her jumpy and feeling helpless.

 _And I was making stupid jokes, mocking her, as we met that escaped Yahg the first time. I should have shot that thing on sight. Hell, I'd kill him a thousand times again, if I could..._

All in all, the last few moments on Surkesh were typical for Jane's luck. Not enough the whole mission was compromised from the very beginning, with Cerberus troops crawling all over the base, no, just as they prepared themselfs to call Wrex for extraction, an Atlas dropped off, right in front of Jane's small team. Opening fire immediately, the powerful mech pinned them down, only to be jumped at by an angry Yahg the very next moment.

The monstrous creature, being a much more muscular and quick example of his species than the old Shadow Broker, literally shred the Atlas into pieces. In it's frenzy, however, the Yahg wasn't satisfied with destroying the mech alone, but attacked Jane's team only seconds later.

 _I was not good enough. Too slow to protect the one I love..._

Sinking down to her knees, Shepard cups her bondmates face with armor clad fingers, caressing pale, blue cheeks.

Liara had tried to slow the thing down with her biotics, but the Yahg grabbed her, clutching the asari's chest with enough force to shatter her rips, only to throw her away like some sort of rag doll the very next moment. Watching the scene in horror, Jane opened fire with her Mattock, putting two thermal clips worth of incendiary rounds into the creatures head. Without a protecting shield, luckily it turned to be enough to take it down.

 _Too slow, goddammit!_

Finally arriving at the Normandy, Jane jumps out of the Kodiak the second it touches the deck, carrying the stretcher towards the elevator together with Garrus. Dr. Chakwas is already waiting there, examining Liara with quick, experienced hands. After a few moments, the doctor's strained look is relaxing, and she orders two crewman to take the stretcher into the elevator. Jane wants to follow them, but Dr. Chakwas holds her back, the old woman's voice reassuring.

"Shepard, at the moment there is nothing you can do. Don't worry, my dear, Mordin did a wonderful job. She's stable and out of danger; surgery will take some time, however."

"But..."

Jane wants to stay with her bondmate, no, **needs** to stay with her.

"I understand you don't want to leave her, Commander. But you have to trust me. Everything will be fine, I promise."

Pushing her back gently, Dr. Chakwas closes the elevator's doors, leaving Jane back troubled and shivering. Lowering her head in defeat, she rest her hand on the closed doors, only to hit them with a frustrated outcry the very next moment. It was not fair. She should be the one to get surgery! Surkesh was the first mission since Mars Jane was not wounded after, and she would change places with Liara happily. Getting shot was her job, goddamit! Furious, she turns around, sucking blood from her split knuckles.

A she opens the clamps of her hardsuit, she stares at the other persons in the shuttle bay defiantly, but Garrus, Cortez and Mordin are pretending to be very busy. Wrex opens his mouth to say something, but Eve pokes him into the ribs with force, signaling him to shut up.

Disappointed of not having someone to take her anger out to, she throws the pieces of her armor into a corner, the plates of reinforced alloy clanking as they hit a wall. Only wearing her under suit, she steps towards the elevator. Maybe a good shower would be enough to weaken the growing tension inside her. Suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted, she adresses the others, her words a tired sigh.

"Debriefing in one hour. And Mordin... Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Shepard. Glad to be back."

The old salarian doctor bows his head, smiling reassuring.

* * *

The shower actually helped, enabling her to bear the debriefing without getting too jumpy. However, still worried about Liara, she makes it short and instructs Mordin to go to his work of curing the Genophage quickly, defering polite small talk until later.

Just as she passes the security checkpoint, already looking forward to visit the medbay soon, Traynor's voice annihilates her plans.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett is available on vidcomm."

 _Fuck!_

Cursing the admiral's timing, Jane hurries back.

As always, she's not expecting her commanding officer to have helpful news or actual support, but just today the old man seems to be particualary talkative. Bobing on her feets up and down, she's listening Hackett with half an ear, her thoughts wandering towards Liara repeatedly.

"Commander, you seem to be distracted. Is there something on your mind?"

Jane's focuses her attention back to him, slightly emberassed of being that obvious. She hopes she didn't offend Hackett, but his voice is not unfriendly, only slightly irritated by her unusual behaviour.

"Huh? Um, I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted, Sir. Liara was critically wounded on Surkesh and she's in surgery right about now..."

"Sorry to hear that. Dr. T'soni has been an huge asset in the past. How is she doing?"

 _Ass..._

"When we arrived, she was stable, but..."

Though she doesn't end her sentence, Hackett seems to understand and his face softens.

"Well, we're finished so far, anyway. Check on Dr. T'soni and get some rest. That's an order."

"Yes, Sir. And thanks."

"Hackett out."

Sighing in relief, Jane deactivates the vidcom and leaves the war room with quick steps. She's just reaching the elevator in the CIC, when Specialist Traynor starts calling for her again, approaching with quick steps. Gritting her teeth, Shepard waves her hand defensivly.

"Commander,..."

"Not now, Specialist, I'm kind of busy."

"Too busy for an old friend, hu?"

Wrex steps out of the elevator, his deep voice slightly amused. Traynor actually has the guts to finish her sentence.

"..., Chief Urdnot wanted to speak with you in private."

Breathing in deeply, eyes closed, she starts counting in silence.

 _1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10_

As soon as she's sure to be able to talk politely, Jane opens her eyes and enters the elevator quickly.

"Whatever it is, you wouldn't mind to talk while joining me, would you?"

The battle scarred krogan get's the clue and re-enters the cabin. As soon as the doors are closed, he starts speaking. Hearing his news, she has to massage her suddenly aching temples.

 _I should have known better than to trust that creepy bitch. Well done, Jane, well done..._

"Goddammit! Don't worry, Wrex, we'll take care of that. If it's the Rachni who killed your scouts, we'll toast them, I promise."

"He he he, that's the Shepard I know! Started to worry you've gone soft... Speaking of which..."

He says, just as the elevator arrives at the crewdeck, holding her back by putting one of his hands on her shoulder, his voice soften in a way she has never heard from him before.

"Don't worry, Shepard. Liara will be fine, she's tough. For an asari, at least..."

It actually helps, and she squeezes his reassuring hand thankfully. Clearing her throat, she responds.

"I know, Wrex. But thanks, regardless... Must be because she's a quarter-krogan..."

Throwing an impish smile at Wrex as she adds the last sentence, Jane steps out the cabin.

"Ha! Haha! That's good! Hahaha! I knew there was a reason I found her so likable... Hahaha..."

Accompanied by the krogan's thunderous laughter, she walks towards the medbay, sighing in relief as she enters the small room. Liara is lying on one of the beds, a white blanket tucked around her body, and Dr. Chakwas is sitting at her table relaxedly, while Mordin is already deep in his studies. Surgery must have went well.

Closing the distance to her bondmate soft-footed, Jane reaches out to stroke the asari's crest affectionaly, not caring about Eve watching the fond gesture from a bed at the other side of the room.

A sudden surge of devotion overwhelms Jane as her lover's sleeping body reponds to her tender caressing, forming a content smile on Liara's lips.

Placing a soft kiss on them, she feels a huge burden taken from her soul. Everything would be allright. Liara would be allright. Her eyes shimmering with tears of delight, she has to swallow heavily.

"She's doing well, my dear. I had to bind some of the shattered rips with synthetic weaving, but all in all, I think I can start to take her out of sedation soon."

Not turning around to the source of the whispered words at her back, Jane continues caressing her lovers sensible ridges, whispering her response between soft sniffles.

"Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. How long until...?"

Surprising strong, but gentle fingers squeeze her right shoulder briefly, making Shepard aware of the still lingering tension in her back.

"Within an hour or so. You can stay here, if you want, my dear. I think, Mordin would like to speak with you."

Not able to tear her eyes away from Liara yet, Jane nods thankfully.

After some time, finally she forces herself away from the sleeping asari and wipes her face. Mordin's unmelodic hums are remembering her of his presence in the medbay and his wish to talk. Placing a quick peck on Liara's forhead, Jane walks towards the salarian scientist, smiling knowingly, as she notices the melody he produces. Gillbert and Sullivan, of course...

"Mordin."

With a casual bob of her head, arms crossed, she leans against a cupboard besides him. As usual, Mordin doesn't stop himself with formalities.

"Shepard, blood work complete. Indicates significant stress on Eve's system. Maelon's work thorough. Fortunately detailed as well. Have used notes to improve her condition."

Glancing towards the female krogan, still sitting on her cot and arms slung around her knees, Jane rises a red-haired eyebrow curiously.

"How's she doing?"

Following her glance, Mordin answers immediately in his typical, scientific manner, but there is something in his voice, she can't quite put her finger on. Concern?

"No fever currently. Heart rate elevated, likely stress. Eating appropiatly. Could use another blanket. Something soft."

 _Wait, did he just say..._

"Prefer to let her recover fully before synthesizing cure. My medical recommendation."

"My people don't have time for that!"

Eve's voice is firm, revealing some sort of stubborness on the topic. But despite her passion, the krogan manages to make herself audible without shouting over the medbay, apparently out of thoughtfulness towards the sleeping asari.

This is the moment Jane starts to actually like the strong-willed female. A sympathy Mordin seems to share, considering his playful response and the small smile on his face.

"Her opinion somewhat different."

 _Maelon's lab certainly changed you, did it? Oh Mordin, of all the members of my crazy suicide squad, you're propably the one who changed the most. And only to the better. I'm proud of you, I really am..._

She doesn't dare to tell him directly, so she decides to work her way around the subject.

"You always defended your genophage work. What changed your mind?"

 _Oh yes, very subtle Jane!_

Mordin is somewhat defensive about that topic.

"Never changed mind. Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstance neccesitate course correction."

 _Dammit, Mordin, just admit it, so I can say the fucking words!_

"That's it? No personal stake her?"

Waving her hand into Eve's direction, she pushes further. Finally the old salarian's shell seems to get a crack. Sighing deeply, his eyes are searching for something very far away.

"Getting old, Shepard. Not many years left. But still best candidate for project. Few salarian scientist interested in genophage. None with my expertise. Had to be me."

"Someone else might have gotten it wrong?"

The salarians eyes are focusing back to her as she repeats the words he said at the STG-base.

"Possibly. Stakes too high for inexperience. But not about them. My work. My job to put it right. To prove I can."

 _Well, he said it. Sort of..._

"Mordin,..."

Stepping closer, she lowers her voice and puts one hand up to the salarians shoulder.

"..., I'm glad you're here with us. It's the right thing to do, and I'm proud of you being a part of this."

Blinking a few times, the professor seems to be touched by her words, finally nodding once.

"Thank you, Shepard. Glad to be back."

"You planning to stick around when this is over?"

Rising his hand to rub his small chin, Mordin suddenly looks very thoughtful.

"Until Reapers are dealt with, at least. Then... not sure."

Grinning impishly, Jane gives him a wink.

"Well, you still could make career by running a sexual education show..."

Given the look on his face, Mordin seems to understand the innuendo towards the numerous datapads he sent her. Looking somewhat nostalgic by the thought, he winks back, smiling conspirationally.

"Might work. Advise beneficial. Continued relation to Dr. T'soni indicator of success."

Jane bobs her head approvingly, chuckling in amusement.

"You're one of a kind, Mordin. But now I should check on Eve."

Giving him a last wink, Jane makes a short visit at Liara's bed, smoothing out a few wrinkles on the white blanket affectionaly. After that, she heads towards the somehow lost looking krogan. The female is still sitting on her cot, which seemes ridiculously small for the bulky body. Eve herself seems to be pleased by her visit, greeting her before Jane can say a word.

"Thank you for saving my live, Commander. I didn't think the krogan had any allies left in the galaxy."

Being a little self-conscious at the sight of the krogan female bowing her head in respect, Jane feels the need to play down this particular issue and rises her hands apologetically.

"We owe a lot to you, even if most people have forgotten that."

The vehemence in Eve's next words is as surprising as it makes Shepard curious.

"They can be forgiven. Our actions have hardly inspired friendship."

 _My gosh, I thought I had figured out the krogans, but apparently, the males alone are not representative for the species. If all krogan females are like that..._

Wrex alone is a counterargument to most of the krogan stereotypes, but listening to Eve makes her curious what the krogan could have been, if they would never have to endure the genophage. Her curiosity growing bigger and bigger, Jane decides that she has to know more. And there is a simple way to do it.

"Some of my closest friends are krogan, and I'd be honored to call you a friend as well. Part of being friends is knowing each others name, and I feel bad I don't know yours. Why don't we start with that and, well, just talk..."

Eve apparently can't tell Jane her name, but they talk. And talk. Soon her head is spinning by all the things Eve is telling her. Krogan culture, shamanism, Eve's history. And the genophage. Always the genophage, over and over again. They talk about how it affected everything on Tuchanka, draining the last sparks of life out of an dying planet, how it affected the krogan males, the females. And how it affected Eve.

Her voice almost emotionless, the krogan shaman tells her about holding her first stillborn in her hands. She tells her about other females, commiting suicide out of shame and sorrow. She tells her too much.

A suffocating wave of empathy weakens her already shaking legs and makes her vision blurr. Stumbling towards the next free cot, she sits down, breathing heavily to surpress the heat in her eyes. 99% stillborn... In the past, it was just a number, a statistic, but this... Eve seems concerned, jumping down from her bed in a surprisingly graceful manner.

"Commander, I'm sorry, I didn't intend to startle you."

Waving her hand casualy, Jane tries to downplay her next sentence, the last few words spoken with a resignated sigh.

"It's ok, Eve, it's just... I can comprehend."

The krogan female's body seems to straighten itself, and orange eyes are sizing the red-haired woman up as if they are noticing her for the first time. Closing the distance between them slowly, Eve sits down on the ground, right in front of Shepard, their heads suddenly on par.

"When did you know, little one?"

 _Little one?!_

The question is filled with compassion and sincerity, the tone of the krogan's voice almost... ritualistic.

 _She's acting as a shaman. A woman, wise from pain, counceling another one._

Feeling flattered somehow, Jane looks right into the krogan's slit pupils. Although the gesture was sweet, it was unneccesary. She already accepted her fate, a long time ago, in a different life. But there is something in this reptilian eyes that makes her wish to talk about it. Straightening her back, she tries to collect her thoughts.

"It's... complicated."

Eve says nothing, instead she's cocking her head slightly, awaiting an explanation to the cryptic answer. Inhaling deeply, Jane proceeds, her voice almost emotionless.

"Years ago, I was visiting the human colony Elysium, just another young soldier on shore leave, like dozend others. Batarian slavers attacked the colonists that day, and I did what I had to do to save them... Fighting a whole platoon on my own, at some point I was wounded. A Gunshot in the belly, taking me out of the battle in an instant. Before that day, I never thought about having children, but lying in a puddle of my own blood, I suddenly did...

I paniced because I knew the wound was just at the critical area and when the medics found me, I was a pure mess. I screamed at them, begged them to examine me and tell me it would be allright..."

Massaging her temples, Jane has to stop, her mind processing the old memories. As she starts talking again, her voice is full of sorrow.

"I never stood a chance, you know? I was born infertile. The doctors told me after patching me up..."

Her head tilted back, she whispers towards the ceiling, a single statement spoken with absent eyes, more to herself than towards Eve.

"It changed me..."

"Is it because of this, you... I'm sorry, this was unworthy..."

The shaman quickly trails off, but Jane has noticed the quick glance towards Liara's sleeping body. After taking a long look at the painfully peaceful shape of her bondmate by herself, Shepard turns her head back to Eve, catching a hint of shame in the krogan female's eyes.

 _I'm not like the males of your kind!_

Her first reaction is a pang of anger, but the sight of Eve being so mortified by her own words is enough to calm her down. Softening her voice, Jane decides to answer the unspoken question.

"Elysium changed me, I told you. All I knew after that day was work. I had no friends, no home, no happiness in my life. Hell, I had not spoken with my mother for two years at this time! But then, I met her..."

Peeking towards Liara, a small smile appears on the red-haired woman's face.

"She was a young archeologist these days, a cute, little nerd. Brilliant and lovely, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and absolutely adorable when she was embaressed. And, I tell you, that happend a lot! I might even have done it on purpose, one or two times, just to see her cheeks blush with this wonderful shade of blue..."

Jane feels a growing warmth in her chest, caused by the fond memories.

"She was like a spot of color in a world of grey, and I fell in love with her the very moment I saw her. And, because of reasons above my understanding, she loved me, too. We were together for three months until I actually comprehended the possibility of having children with her..."

The next memory is bittersweet. Her best moment. Her worst moment.

"It was in orbit above an planet named Alchera. She was sleeping, cuddling against my chest, and she had this little smile on her face... I was watching her, and suddenly I realized I wanted to see that smile again, every day of my life, from that moment until my last."

 _The same smile she had on her face an hour ago, after I stroke her crest..._

"I realized the one thing I wanted, was getting old together with her watching our children grow up. And I promised myself to ask her to marry me the very moment she would open her eyes."

"What happened?"

Sighing with a sad smile on her face, she focuses her attention back to Eve.

"I died... Yeah, I know. It's kind of a long story..."

The krogan female looks curious, but Jane doesn't say anything, and so they are sitting together in silence, until the shaman speaks again. Her words are a statement rather than a question, and they are filled with a hint of...loss?

"You love her."

Jane bobs her head once and her answer is merely a whisper, spoken with determination as her eyes glimpse over Liara's unconscious body.

"More than anything else. Everything I have done, and everything I'm going to do, is for her. She's the one thing I'm fighting for."

 _I 'd sacrifice everything for Liara, even myself, if I have to..._

Eve's deep voice rips her out of her thoughts.

"You're truly blessed, Commander. Few experience a love strong like that. But... I'm sorry of being rude, but Mordin was right, I'm shivering. Would you mind if I ask for another blanket?"

"Hu? Oh, no, I'm the one to apologize. I should have known you're not used to the low temperatures onboard a starship. Just give me a second, I'll catch you a warm blanket from the crew quarters..."

Rushing out of the medbay hurrily, Jane doesn't notice the shimmering sapphires following her way...

* * *

 _Goddess, I don't deserve her..._

Being awake for some time, the first thing Liara noticed was the wonderful alto voice of Shepard, carrying her out of her sleep gently. The sedation still left her body weak, and so she simply listend in silence as her bondmate started to talk about Elysium...

First, she was not able to move, but after Jane told Eve about Alchera, Liara was utterly frozen in place by her own feelings. Big blue eyes shimmering in tears, Liara starts sniveling the moment the medbay doors are closing behind the red-haired woman.

Suddenly a massive shape is filling her blurred vision, and a hand clad in dark fabric offers her a small handkerchief.

Grabbing the piece of flimsy fabric, Liara uses it to wipe her wet face and blow her nose. The way Shepard talked about her devotion towards her left her touched and ashamed the same time.

After she's able to focus her attention towards the heads bending down to her, she recognizes Eve and Dr. Chakwas, looking down to her in sympathy. Still sniffling, Liara feels the need to say something.

"I... I'm sorry, it's... it's just..."

* * *

 _"So tell me, what you want. If this all ends tomorrow, what happens to us?"_

 _"I don't know. Marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children?"_

 _"You just say these things..."_

* * *

"I... I think I just realized how much I love her, and it's..."

Dr. Chakwas smiles understandingly.

"Overwhelming?"

It was actually the appropriate word. Sighing deeply, Liara wipes her cheeks dry, shuddering by emotions.

"Yes... Goddess, I don't know what to do..."

Eve nods wisely.

"There is nothing you have to do. She loves you and you love her; it's like it should be. I envy you, asari."

"But..."

A whoosh originated by the medbay doors cuts her off and she turns her head around to look for the source of their interruption. It's her bondmate who enters the room, whistling softly, a spare blanket tucked under her armpit.

 _Oh Goddess, she is adorable..._

Feeling another surge of love, Liara rises her head from the pillow and smiles welcoming. It's only a moment later that emerald eyes meet sapphire ones. The sight enough to make the freckled woman spellbound, Jane stops whistling and breaths one word affectionally, her smiling face glowing in devotion.

"Bluebird!"


	4. I would be lost without her

**Fixed an error: During the beginning of ME3, Shepard is 32, of course.**

* * *

 **The Normandy, one day after Kallini, en route to the Citadel**

Activating the vidcom in the QEC, Dr. Chakwas bobs up and down impatiently. After a few moments, the console before her beepes acknowleding, and the hologram of a slightly tired looking Admiral Hackett appeares in front of her, the eyes in the leathery, scarred face wrinkled in surprise.

"Karin, is that you? It's been far too long! How are you?"

She manages a small smile, Hackett's voice invoking pleasant memories, but she's aware that her strained looks will betray her, anyway, so she decides to push to the subject immediately.

"Steven, it's good to see you. I'm fine, considering the circumstances, and I'm sorry I called that late in the evening. But, to be honest, this isn't a complimentary call. I'm calling you in my position as medical officer of this vessel."

"That doesn't sound promising. What's on your mind? Anything troubling with the crew?"

Hackett is slightly straightening, folding his fingers behind his back, his deep voice filled with curiosity.

"Well, the crew is exhausted and suffering minor wear and tear, but with a war going on, this is only natural, I suppose. Some of the crewmen are showing typical warnings signs, but I was able to contain major breakdowns, prescribing additional R+R, stims, sleeping pills and occasionly anti-deprissiva, but again, this not why I called."

Wrinkling her eyebrows, she opens a file on her datapad.

"This call is about Commander Shepard and my previous evaluation. Simply put, it has to be revised; her condition is growing worse, most likely caused by her increased stress levels. I strongly recommend to decrease the number of assignments and... You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?!"

Her last sentence is an unbelieving outcry, caused by the confused look on Hackett's face.

 _Not enough he is destroying that poor girl willingly, he doesn't even care about her wellbeing!_

This thought, combined with his next words, are enough to make her furious.

"I didn't have much time to spare for medical reports recently, Karin. Is there something wrong with Shepard?"

"Something! Something... Let's see...

I won't even touch the fact that she wouldn't even be in the sorry state she is, if the Alliance would have followed her warnings years ago. It's not that surprising, after all.

What surprises me more, is the Alliance keeping one of their greatest heros in isolation for six months, two of them chained in psychiatry! That face you make doesn't suit you, Steven, she told me. I'm surprised she's relatively sane after that. Six months without meeting or even contacting the one she loves, just because the Alliance needed a scap goat!

But what baffles me, Steven, is a commanding officer without the decency to inform himself about the medical status of his subordinates! But why would you? A weapon, that's all what that girl is to you, isn't she? Doesn't matter in what condition, as long as she keeps on fighting, right? Well, let me enlighten you..."

"Karin, that's..."

Hackett looks offended, but Dr. Chakwas cuts him off, shaking her hand, holding the datapad, towards the hologram wildly. Her voice becoming more and more enraged, she practically shouts into Hackett's face.

"The reason I called you was an alarming increase in the number and severity of soft tissue damage and stress fractures Shepard suffers from, caused by the fact you are throwing her into battle again before her body has fully recuperated from the last one!

She's a bloody mess, and I'm tired stitching her together, seeing fresh injuries between barely healed scar tissue, knowing the girl will get shot again before she has recovered from her most recent wounds! But that's only one symptome, let's have a closer look. You didn't have much time, after all..."

"Dr. Chakwas, that's not..."

She cuts him off again. Looking at her datapad, Dr. Chakwas starts reading Shepards medical file aloud, her words full of anger.

"Multiple badly healed combat injuries, we already had that. Starting skeletal decalcification, caused by a lack of vitamin D; hazard of profession for being a spacer. Well, here's something new: Immuno rejections of her cybernetic implants, a problem I believed to be solved seven months ago. Caused by excessive amounts of stress, who would have thought? Physical and mental exhaustion caused by sleep deprivation. Not surprising, after all. And there comes the good stuff: Various emotional traumata, including an existential crisis, survivors guilt and signs of PTSD. Flashbacks. Panic attacks. Tremors. Migraines. Propably nightmares. Her stress levels in combat are higher than everything I have ever seen and I haven't even started about the pressure she's under because of you ordering her to save the whole damn galaxy!"

Inhaling deeply, Dr. Chakwas forces herself to stop and calm her raging feelings. At least, Hackett seems to understand, the expression on his face stoic. Knowing him for 30 years, she recognizes it's a sign of him being deeply concerned.

"That bad?"

Dr. Chakwas sighs resignated, suddenly feeling extremly tired.

"Yes, and it's getting worse. Listen Steven, I well know what's at stake.

Under normal circumstances I would have declared her unfit for duty weeks ago, but we're at war, and that girl would never accept her well-deserved retirement now, anyway.

It's what she does: Helping everyone, forgetting about herself in the cause. She already won the Turians, the Krogans, the Volus, the Batarians and the Terminus systems for us and I'm entirely sure, she will get us the rest in time, too.

But, Steven, is it really necessary to burden her with even more assignments?"

Admiral Hackett scratches his scar thoughtfully, coating his next words in a soothing tone.

"I admire your compassion, I really do, but, as you said, we're at war, Karin. I know I'm throwing a lot at Shepard, but the simple truth is: She's the best we've got, and those assignments are important. We need every advantage we can get, otherwise humanity will be obliteratet."

"Then maybe we deserve to die!"

The old soldier is baffled, looking speechless after her passionate response.

"You don't mean that!"

"I'm entirely serious, Steven. At the moment, I watch a young woman, only 32 years old, working herself to death, and all you do is throwing more work at her. Don't look at me like that, Steven, it's exactly what's happening!"

"Karin, it's not that easy..."

"Bollocks! It is! It is that easy! If you need someone to do your dirty work, then send another N7. If one N7 is not enough to replace Shepard, send two. Hell, send four if you must, but don't ask the girl to do it!

She already got her hands full playing diplomat, solving the problems of anyone but her own. She needs a break, Steven. If you keep pushing her like that, it will be her death, sooner or later..."

Feeling heat at the corners of her eyes, she has has to sustain her trembling hands on the QEC's handrail.

 _I'm getting old._ she realizes _A live full of too much death and pain, too many lost friends. Steven has to undestand! I can't loose Jane, I can't loose the daughter I never had. I can't._

"You really care for her, do you?"

Hearing Hacketts soft question makes her feel weak and her head sinks to her chest. Dr. Chakwas says nothing, but she knows that is all the answer he needs. She just stands there in silence, feeling defeated and hoping the same time. If the admiral wouldn't see reason...

"Karin, maybe you're right. We can't afford to loose Shepard, and we didn't exactly treat her well in the past time. I will revoke her N7 missions, but I can't give her a break right now, her next assignment is too important. After that, however, I will be able to order the Normandy into drydock. One week, max. Make the best out of it, Karin. Hackett out."

The moment the vidcom goes dark is the moment Dr. Chakwas is sinking to the ground, breathing heavily in relief.

* * *

The captain's quarters are clad in nearly perfect darkness, the only source of light the dim, shining water of the fishtank, throwing blue, dancing spots over the cabin.

Shepard is lying on her bed, snuggling against the blue skin of her asari lover, both sleeping deeply. Liara smiles, purring happily every time her relaxed mind notices one of her bondmates soft little snores. Jane herself is not sleeping as well, her body moist of cold sweat, her eyes moving rapidly under closed lids.

She's dreaming again. She's dreaming every night. She's dreaming the one dream she keeps hidden from Liara, even after that particular night weeks ago, the night she came clear with everything but this. And after the events in the Ardat-Yakshi monastery these dreams are now richer of another detail, a picture missing up to this day.

 _ **Jane is standing in the heart of a dead forest, surrounded by grey, burned trees. She looks up into the sky, but black, suffocating smoke hides every inch above the tall trunks, forming a shroud of whirling darkness.**_

 _ **The only sound in this world of black and grey is the moaning and creaking of old wood, preparing to break under the weight of it's own rotting body, and the whispering of a ice-cold breeze, dancing between burnt needles and leaves.**_

 _ **She knows this place.**_

 _ **She knows who draw this picture of death and destruction.**_

 _ **She knows this is Aratoth.**_

 _ **Her feet start walking on their own, carrying her deeper into that graveyard of a once beautiful world. The cold breeze is growning stronger, freezing her. Feeling goosebumps on her skin, she is looking down her body.**_

 _ **She is wearing nothing but a white hospital gown.**_

 _ **Naked. Alone. Vulnerable. Helpless. Hunted.**_

 _ **Fear penetrates her mind, and she starts running. The soil is rough and full of stones and broken branches. Her bare soles start bleeding quickly, but she doesn't slow down. The pain is meaningless. She has to get out of this colorless hell!**_

 _ **The cold breeze follows her, carrying blackish mist with it. She runs faster, but she can't escape. Soon the mist is everywhere, the moist air steaming on her freezing skin.**_

 _ **She looks around, panicing, searching for an escape route. This is the moment the cold breeze starts to whisper, filling the forest with 304942 voices.**_

 _ **"Shepard..."**_

 _ **"Murderer!"**_

 _ **"My children, my poor children..."**_

 _ **"Shepard!"**_

 _ **"Why did you not save us?"**_

 _ **"Killer!"**_

 _ **"You hated us. Just like on Elysium!"**_

 _ **"Help us!"**_

 _ **"No! Not my wife, please, not my wife!"**_

 _ **"Shepard..."**_

 _ **"Mommy? Where are you? Mommy?"**_

 _ **"War criminal!"**_

 _ **"Please, I never had a slave, don't kill me..."**_

 _ **"Why?"**_

 _ **"Shepard!"**_

 _ **"You wanted to do it!"**_

 _ **"Butcher!"**_

 _ **NO! STOP IT!**_

 _ **Screaming out loud and covering her ears, she starts to run again, not able to bear it any longer. She stumbles through the whispering mist, but no matter how fast she runs, the accusations grow louder and louder.**_

 _ **Suddenly the voices are fading away. She is standing at the fringe of a glade, the mist caught between the trees behind her, unable to follow.**_

 _ **The reason is a spot of wonderful color in front of her, familiar blue banishing the swirls of grey and black.**_

 _ **It's Liara, standing there with an encouraging smile, waiting.**_

 _ **Shuddering in delight, she steps out of the woods.**_

 _ **The very next moment a thunderous, metallic battle cry resounds in the black shroud above her, and pillars of crimson fire are ravaging the glade.**_

 _ **Liara looks terrified, but she starts walking towards her, shouting and waving her arms.**_

 _ **Jane is running to protect Liara, dodging streams of red destruction on her way, but she is too slow. One of the beams is burning her, skin and flesh turned into bloody ashes at an instant. Pain forces her to her knees, but she keeps on crawling forwards, finally closing the distance between them.**_

 _ **Liara bends down to her, but something is not right. The Asari's big sapphire eyes are suddenly full of agony, her skin is growing pale, loosing it's delightful shade of blue. Liara's crest is growing and bony spikes are piercing through the sensible cartilage. Her head snaps back and the pained cry of a Banshee fills the air.**_

She wakes up with a gasp, her eyes wide in shock, her lungs burning for air as she surpresses a scream in her throat. Looking around, still slightly disoriented, Jane wipes her bangs from her forhead, the red strains of hair wet with cold sweat, her fingers shaking in an uncontrolled tremor.

 _A dream, it was just a dream..._

It has become her mantra in the last few weeks. Turning her head, Shepard watches her bondmates peaceful sleep, in some way envious of the regular breathing and the small smile on the Asari's face. Liara still tries to help her, sharing some of the more unpleasant memories over and over again, soothing them with emotions of love and solace in the meld. It helps, but not as much as they both where hoping the morning after Jane's "coming out".

It's not that she doesn't try to get better. She really does. She eventually agreed to speak with Dr. Chakwas, taking medical help, agreeing to lie on a coach every four days, goddammit! But her dreams are coming back every night, draining her, leaving her weak and exhausted.

Feeling thirsty, Jane carefully croaches out of her bed, sneaking up to the bathroom with the intent of not waking her bondmate. She stumbles through the darkness, her bare feet walking over the thick carpet quietly.

 _At least now I'm sure, it's the real Commander Shepard slowly going crazy..._

Hearing it from Liara had actually freed her from the disturbing dreams about an emerald-eyed EDI, but Jane quickly had noticed that this gave her mind only more space to create other demons.

 _A soldier with creativity and imagination, yes, I'm truly a freak of nature..._

Chuckling quietly because of her morbid toughts, Jane opens the door behind her working space, hoping the whooshing sound wouldn't wake Liara. Dazzled by the glaring lamps inside the bathroom, she quickly adjusts the intensity to a dim twilight, relaxing her aching pupils. Turning her head around, she's darts a sad glance at the shades of two walls worth of ship models. The result of numerous long hours she could not find sleep. Finally she is pressing her teeth together in defiance and steps into the closet, closing the door behind her.

After a few long sips out of the faucet, she actually feels a bit better. Both hands rested on the sink, Shepard thinks about what to do next. Dr. Chakwas prescribed her different medications, but taking pills still feels like a confession of defeat to her. But she wouldn't find sleep now, otherwise.

Sighing resignated Jane is reaching out for the small cupboard behind the bathroom mirror, only to flich away from it the next moment.

For a second, her reflection in the polished metal has blurred, changing into the nightmarish visage of a Banshee. A Banshee with sapphire eyes. Still remembering the echo of the creature's screams, Jane stumbles to the toilet, suddenly feeling nauseous.

Coughing and choking, she sinks to her knees, throwing up her dinner, her stomach revolting until she has nothing left. Pushing herself away from the bowl, Shepard shivers, suddenly feeling freezingly cold.

 _Like in my dreams..._

Sitting on the floor, she wipes her mouth angrily, feeling stinging tears in the corners of her eyes.

Her emotions are in chaos. How could she save the galaxy? It's Andersons fault, he shouldn't have nominated her in the first place. The rations are crap, that's why she feels sick now. Hackett is an ungrateful ass. Her crew works not hard enough. Cerberus is destroying everything she achieves. The Reapers are too powerful. Liara...

 _No! Liara, I'm sorry, I love you! I can't protect you, I'm not strong enough! I love you so much but I'll loose you..._

A single, sharp sob escapes her chest. Pressing both her hands against her lips firmly, soon her whole body is shaking uncontrollably, and her face is glistening with tears.

* * *

EDI is busy. The truth is, EDI is always busy. Her processing power is huge, at least by human standards, and more than sufficient to process various tasks simultaniously. Not using unspent processing power would be a waste, and because of that, she is used to run multiple sub-processes at every time, especially at times with low sensor traffic, like, for example, a night shift after a non-critical mission.

At the moment, she is flying the ship, monitoring the Normandy's sensor feeds, actualising the navigational data feeds, maintaining life support (Shepard has been very specific on that topic), processing the complete collected literature regarding human relationships, watching recordings of Jeff visiting the Citadel with her platform, talking with engineer adams at the drive core, with private westmoreland at the war room and specialist traynor at the woman's communal bathroom.

She is also playing an extranet flight sim game, configurating her humor heuristics, and using her mobile platform to experiment with a new expert system enabling her to play practical jokes. And there is this particular subroutine, running for three days, processing an ancient piece of human literature called "War and Peace".

To say it shorthand, EDI is happy.

Her extranet game is just about to turn particulary interesting (a user account registered as "BuuMstik-QUaD87", originating from Tuchanka, is requesting a PvP-match), as her sensors in the Normandy's sanitation system notice an anomaly.

The Commander is in her bathroom, and according to EDI's sensor data, she has depleted a mixture of nutrients and traces of human gastric acid into the toilet. EDI is...concerned. Running diagnostics to exclude the possibility of poisening, she uses processing power from her literature studies for a more in depth monitoring of Shepards status.

The results are...confusing. Shepard seems to be in a state of significant mental stress, sensor data indicating similiarities to recent incidents. These incidents, although becoming more frequent in the past time, have always been mitigated by the physical presence of Dr. T'soni. Therefore EDI accustomed herself to inform the Asari whenever Commander Shepard experienced something referred to as a 'breakdown'.

But surveillance feeds are indicating Shepard's wish to hide this particular event from her partner.

EDI doesn't know what to do. She values her developing friendship with the Commander too much to endanger it by acting against her wishes. But at the same time, the most efficient way to help Shepard would require this path of action, with the possible outcome of a disagreement.

She feels...helpless. She hates this feeling.

After running several simulations without getting a satisfying result, EDi decides that there is only one possible way of taking action, and she activates her communication protocolls.

* * *

Shepard is still crying, sobbing into her hands quietly, as her omni-tool notifies her with an incoming call. The unexpected beeping and orange glow at her wrist are enough to make her jump.

 _Not enough that everybody wants something from me, they don't even have the decency to leave me alone when I'm feeling sick._

Forcing herself to calm down she wipes her face, proceeding with the task until her sobs turn into quiet sniffles. Breathing in deeply, she accepts the call, thankful for it being a simple voice message.

"Shepard, I have a question about human behaviour."

Still forcing herself to contain loud snivels, Jane stares at her omnitool, her mind still trying to process EDI's simple question. The timing was so silly, under different circumstances, she propably would have laught. But at the moment she was feeling cold and alone, and getting pranked was the last thing she needed now.

 _Is this some sort of cruel joke? It has to be._

Her chest tightens in anxiety as she waits for EDI's typical postscript. But, apart from Jane's own sniffling, the cabin remains quiet.

"Not the best time, EDI."

The AI seems to overhear the clue, or she simply doesn't care. Whatever it is, the connection stays active.

"Shepard, what is the socially accepted course of action for someone watching his friend being in a state of emotional turmoil?"

Jane suddenly feels even colder than before, ending the call quickly, but a few moments later her face is literally burning in heat. Completely and utterly mortified, she curls herself up in a ball, a new stream of tears moistening red cheeks as she slowly rocks back and forth. The shaking sobs are back, and so is the suffocating treadmill of self-hatred, sorrow and loneliness.

After several minutes, feeling like hours, Jane can't stand it any longer, overwhelmed by the need for someone to comfort her. It is stupid, considering the woman she loves is sleeping just a few quick footsteps away, but somehow Jane feels ashamed by the thought of waking Liara, just to seek comfort in her arms, again.

 _EDI wanted to comfort me, but I refused it. I shouldn't have ended the call like that..._

Still curled up, she rolls herself over, resting her right cheek on the ground, her broken voice whispering towards the cold floor quietly.

"I'm sorry, EDI. I... I wished you were here... I'm sorry..."

Jane closes her eyes in defeat, sniffling sadly. As she opens them again, she notices something she hasn't seen for a long time: EDI's holographic avatar, a blue sphere sitting on top of a cone.

"EDI..."

Shepards breathy whisper is barely audible, but the single word is filled with surprise and relief, her puffy emeralds shimmering with tears of gratitude.

"I hope this manifestation is adequate. According to my calculations my mobile platform is unfit to visit you in person without the undesired side effect of waking Dr. T'soni."

"More than adequate. Thank you for being here... and for being a friend. It.. it means a lot."

Wiping her running nose, Jane manages a small, thankful smile.

"Considering our friendship, I am pleased to provide assistance. In the meantime I did research on how to 'cheer someone up'. I would like to give you a trial on my conclusions."

Suddenly the bathroom is filled with the soft music of a slow piano piece. Her eyes growing wide as saucers, she is feeling deeply touched as she notices the song. It's a piece she listend to countless times, over and over again. Although it's a sad melody, it's unseperable linked to her memories of Liara and Jane's love to her. It's her very favourite.

Feeling her chest tighten in emotion, she sits up slowy, resting her back against the wall. Jane's eyes are staring at the blue hologram fixedly, her vision blurring as she listens to the last fading chords.

 _I don't think anyone has ever done something so... thoughtful for me..._

Swallowing heavily, she has to clear her throat a few times until she is able to speak again. Feeling very self-conscious, there is only one thing she is able to say.

"EDI? Could you... Could you play it again?"

"Of course, Shepard."

The song starts again, and for a while there is nothing, except music and two friends sitting together in peace.

* * *

 **The song is, of course, the one played in the time-capsule scene ingame (ME3 OST, "I was lost without you", from 00:55 min to 1:41 min)**


	5. Miracles

**The Normandy, in orbit over Rannoch**

Waking up with a content smile, moaning softly, the first thing Liara notices is that Jane is not lying besides her.

 _Did she have another bad dream?_

Standing up she wraps one of the sheets around her body, looking for a sign of her bondmate. There. Red flicks of hair on the other side of the glass wall seperating the living room from the office.

"Working already?"

Liara asks, as she is taking the step up towards the bathroom, noticing her lover is reading some message at her terminal. Jane's head snaps around.

"Hu? Oh, yes. Orders from Admiral Hackett..."

There is something in her bondmates voice Liara can't quite pin down.

"Something troubling, my love?"

Shepard knits her dark eyebrows, waving her hand apologeticly.

"No, nothing like that. Just...just strange."

Clearing her throat, Jane reads loudly.

"Bla... Bla bla... Normandy SR-2 is hereby ordered to the Citadel. The vessel will be docked at the Alliance drydock to complete the pending retrofits. Blablabla... All personel will be reliefed from duty for the duration, granting a full week of shore leave at the Citadel. Another part of bla... Sincerely, Admiral Steven Hackett, commanding officer of the Fifth Fleet and pain in Commander Shepards ass."

Liara's heart makes a little jump. One week... Smiling happily, she hugs Shepard from behind, resting her chin on a freckled shoulder.

"That's fantastic!"

Shepard however, turning her head, seems concerned, biting on her lip.

"I don't know, Bluebird. Leaving the fight..."

"You earned a little rest. We all did. And we will finally have some time just for the two of us."

"But your work. The Shadow Broker..."

Liara shakes her head sadly.

"There is not much of it left. Most information feeds from the capital worlds have gone dark and my operatives are busy gathering war assets all over the galaxy. All in all, I only have to manage a few dozend feeds per day for the next few weeks, so it will be just a sideline."

"Oh... that's... nice? It's quite a change. Having to think about methods of killing time..."

The sight of Jane looking so thoughtfully makes Liara snicker at her shoulder.

 _Methods of killing time... Mmh..._

Nibbling on her bondmates earlobe, she whispers with a husky voice:

"What about us, taking a shower, for some... inspirations?"

Jane purrs happily, clearly tempted, but pulls herself away from Liara's tender teasing eventually.

"I really would like to, but... there are two more data packages from Hackett, I have to meet Admiral Raan and Legion to discuss our strategy, lead one of the strike teams freeing Rannoch and, the worst part, write the reports about our recent assignments. I don't even know how to describe entering the Geth consensus using standard military language! And, last but least, confirming all recent requisition orders. Particually the ones from the mess. Without even having proper breakfast before. Maybe... later?"

Liara sighs and purses her lips.

"Allright, a lonely shower then. And then I will catch us something to eat, chowhound."

"Have I ever told you, how much I love you, Bluebird?"

"You have. But I will never get tired to hear it."

After placing a quick peck on Shepards cheek, Liara walks into the bathroom, brushing her teeth and taking a quick shower. She is just drying her head ridges, using one of Shepards fluffy pink towels, as she hears hasty movement and the familiar sound of opening drawers. Liara is leaving the bathroom, as a mischivous grin appears on her face.

 _Time for some... inspiration._

She thinks, unwrapping the towel around her body, stepping into the living room wearing nothing but an improvised turban around her head ridges.

"EDI, I want the whole crew to be assembled at the mess hall in 10 minutes. And tell Traynor I need Admiral Hackett on the vidcom. Thank you."

"I am pleased to assist."

Shepard is busy putting her uniform on, struggling slightly with trying to look at the ceiling while talking to EDI and closing the lower buttons of her dress blues at the same time, a picture so adorable, Liara can't help herself but laugh.

The sight of the gloriously nude, laughing asari standing just in front of her is enough to make Jane spellbound in place.

"Not fair, Liara!"

Jane whispers through her teeth, unable to move her eyes away of her lovers blue skin, closing the distance between them with a few, slow steps. Smiling in self content, Liara grabs a handful of red hair at the back of Jane's head and pulls her into a long, needy kiss.

Placing another kiss onto the asari's throut, Shepard nibbles her way down her body, finally kneeing before Liara, a believer praying in front of her goddess. Liara shivers as she feels her bondmates breath between her tighs, closing her eyes in anticipation.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett is available on vidcom!"

Shepard's head jumps up, groaning in frustration, as Traynors voice rings out of the intercom. Placing another kiss onto Liaras inner tigh, Jane raises to her feet.

"Bluebird, I'm sorry, but... I should go."

Breathing heavily, Liara needs some time before she is able to answer, pressing the answer out quietly.

"Not fair, Jane!"

"I'll make up for it, soon, I promise! Meanwhile..."

Shepard smoothes a few crinkles in her dress blues' fabric and grins impishly.

"...I think you should read the messages I received. They could surprise you."

Liara raises one of her brow markings and manages a little smile.

"Are you sure? I'm a very good information broker, after all..."

Her bondmate is too busy to answer, waving her hand into the approximate direction of her terminal, her eyes wandering over the asari's body one last time, groaning in frustration.

"Listen Bluebird, I really have to clarify a few things with Hackett right now and... dammit!... I don't have time... See you in the mess hall..."

Placing a last peck on blue skin, Jane rushes out of her cabin, leaving a baffled, naked asari behind.

 _What in the name of the goddess?!_

Liara shakes her head in confusion, walking to Shepards terminal, hoping there would be an answer to her bondmates strange behaviour.

The first message is no real surprise.

 _With Ashley not coming back, it had to be happen, sooner or later._

She thinks, opening the last message. Reading it, her eyes grow wide as saucers and she raises her fingers to her lips involuntarily. Well, Jane didn't exaggerate...

* * *

Garrus watches the chatting crew, casually leaning against the windows of the medbay. He has no idea, what this was all about, but if Shepard was making such a fuss about it, it had to be something big.

 _On the other side, creating fuss is what she always does..._

He chuckles quietly, his mandibles twitching with amusement. Out of habit he starts calculating the best firing angles in the crowded mess, his eyes wandering from one side of the large room to another.

The mess hall is the room in the ship he propably likes the most. Besides the gun battery, of course. It always makes him feel kind of nostalgic. The Normandy's layout is based on turian vessels, after all, and because of that, the mess hall resembles the shape of an turian ships training area remarkebly.

Garrus eyes are catching the sight of the quarian delegation, standing at the far side of the room, and little Chitikka actually waves in his direction. Everything he manages to do, is a calm nod, but the bubbly quarian seems content with it.

 _It's good to have Tali back. In more than one way._

He thinks, ignoring his pounding heart, just as Shepards arrival rouses him from his thoughts. The sight of his friend wearing her dress blues, however, is something completely unexpected.

 _Quick, but calm footsteps. The typical spark in her eyes. Damn, I would follow her to the gates of hell... Oh, right, this what I'm doing right now..._

"Attention on deck!"

The reaction to Shepards barked order is telling. The Alliance crew immediately follows and so does Garrus, but most of them are career military, it's like breathing to them. But there is Tali on the other side of the hall, perfectly upright, shaming even the most vicious drill instructor. There is Traynor, looking like an actual soldier, not like a girl impersonating one. Even James, always so casual, shows no sign of hesitation. He's career military too, of course, but Garrus doubts that the human man would have followed the Commander that fast right before Menae.

 _If I die breaching the gates of hell with her, I will have a lot of company, it seems._

Shepard walks towards the sleeper pods, stopping right before the hallway leading to the Normandy's main gun, facing her assembled crew.

"At ease."

Wearing her impish grin, she addresses the crowd in front of her.

"Don't worry, guys, nobody is in trouble. Yet..."

The crew rewards her with laughter, and her grin broadens momentarily, only to be replaced by an expression of perfect professionalism the very next moment.

"Consultant Vakarian, please step forward!"

 _What the.._

His turian heritage overriding his surprise, it takes him only a few quick steps to stand right in front of her, his mandibles moving slowly with a hint of concern, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Shepards face remains professional, but her emerald eyes are showing a hint of amusement as she adresses the crew again.

"The history between the Systems Alliance and the Turian Hierarchy is a remarkable one. Enemies in the First Contact War. Partners in the development of the first SSV Normandy. Colleagues in the Council. Allies in this war.

Many steps forming our history. Many steps forming a special relationship. It's my very honor today, to add another step.

Consultant Vakarian. During the last years, you've always been a compelling example of courage, determination and honesty, and, on a personal note, a true friend. You're not only a remarkable soldier, but a skilled tactican and you are able to command loyalty through experience."

Feeling his mandibles twitching again, Garrus suddenly feels very lucky that turians don't have tear glands. Otherwise this would be very embarassing.

"Therefor I asked Alliance Command for permission to name you Normandy's second-in-command, and permission has been granted.

Accompanied with this position comes a honorary commision as a Lieutenant-Commander of the Alliance Navy, making you the first non-human ever to recieve a military rank in this organisation. Do you accept this position?"

 _Spirits!_

"You're kidding, right? X.O.? Me?

Shepard is smiling in content.

 _Damn, she is actually enjoying this!_

"Not in the slightest, Garrus. When I received order to formally declare a new X.O., you where my first choice. My only choice. There is no one I'd trust more in this position."

Her face and voice is turning ernest.

"You were there with me from the very beginning, Garrus, always standing at my side, even in the most desperate battles. And now I want you to stand at my side commanding this ship. There is no Shepard without Vakarian."

 _There is no Vakarian without Shepard._

"Yes."

"Of course, it's a lot of responsability, and you will have the doubtful honor to do a lot of my paperwork, but..."

"Shepard, I said yes. I accept."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise. Ha! He might be one of the few persons in the whole galaxy able to surprise Shepard, and he's proud about it!

"That fast? I thought I had to bait you with luxury quarters and dextro-chocolate first..."

"Somehow I'm convinced this is one of your plots to move me up in the Meritocracy. You know, making me X.O. onboard the ship that is sending the Reapers to hell, just to torture me with the title of Primarch someday... But spirits, there is no one I respect more in the entire galaxy. If you think I would be a good X.O., who am I to say otherwise!"

He salutes, and she is saluting back, grinning happily. What happens next is something unexpected, but not unpleasent. Shepard actually hugs him briefly and gives him a light pat on the back.

"Welcome onboard, Lieutenant-Commander Vakarian."

The crews reaction is thundering applause, and Tali on the other side of the room is bobing up and down, sparkling with excitement, waving her hands.

 _Lieutenant-Commander Vakarian. Well, it certainly has a ring to it. And having quarters on my own will be nice, too..._

While Shepard turns her attention to the crew, silencing them with a raised hand, he walks to the side of the Commander, standing one step to her left. Her little trap was obviously not the only reason for the assembly here, Garrus realizes, as Shepard starts to speak again.

"The second reason I assembled you all here today, is intel regarding the war that reached me quarter an hour ago. Intel that I wanted to tell you in person."

The Commander is gathering her thoughts, obviously not sure how to proceed. Finally she starts talking in a neutral, matter-of-fact tone.

"Yesterday, our allied forces managed to secure a landing zone on the surface of Palaven. Only hours later, Reaper capital ships all over the planet were attacked by the turian resistance. Using warp bombs and fission weapons to destroy the Reapers from the inside, many turians sacrificed their lives to make sure their explosives detonated.

Without the threat of the Reaper ships in orbit, the turian-krogan joint military was able to launch a massive counter-offensive successfully."

Garrus feels overwhelmed. Shepard couldn't possibly say...

"In the course they managed to reclaim most of the territories prior lost to the Reapers. The enemy's forces in the system are still active, but our allies stand fast. As we speak, Palaven is free."

The crew simply stands there, spellbound by Shepards last words, remaining quiet. It is James who breaks the silence.

"Dios mio! They did it! The chicken-legs actually did it!"

Suddenly the crowd explodes, the men and women shouting in excitement, cheering. Garrus himself is unable to say anything, his mandibles moving rapidly.

 _Primarch Victus said, they were planning something big, but this... Spirits! James is wrong. It wasn't us, it was Shepard who dit it. Shepard alone. She propably saved my familiy, and I will never be able to pay her this debt back. Spirits, keep her safe! And if you do not,I will be the one to do it. I will drag her ass out of the Abyss by myself, if I must!_

Deep in thoughts, it takes him a moment to realise he is looking into the green eyes of Shepard, who turned around, smiling encouraging. Trying to look calm, he bows his head in an appreciative nod. Nodding back casually, the Commander starts speaking, her grin turning mischievious.

"There are still a few things left I have to say. Would you be so kind, X.O. Vakarian?"

He manages something resembling an affirmative snort and takes one step towards the celebrating crew.

"Attention!"

* * *

Smiling in content, Jane watches her crew calming down, following Garrus order immediately. _He will be a good X.O._ ,she thinks, relieved he actually agreed to take this position. But she should not be surprised, after all. Garrus was a good friend, nearly a brother to her, and he would never let her down.

"Thank you, X.O. At ease, soldiers!"

Folding her hands behind her back, Jane's eyes roam around the large room, seeing confident, happy faces everywhere.

"This is our first major victory, and it shows what we are capable of, if we stand together. It shows us, that we can defeat even the most vicious and powerful enemies.

The turians call this victory a miracle, but I'm convinced the word miracle only describes hard work. The hard work of this crew.

It was the Normandy ensuring a turian-krogan alliance. It was the Normandy helping to cure the Genophage. This victory belongs to you as much as it belongs to the turian and krogan people!"

 _Give them something to fight for._

Pointing her finger toward the quarian delegation, she proceeds.

"In a few hours, the Normandy will lead another operation. We will perform a precision strike on the surface of Rannoch, breaking Reaper influence over this system.

We will stand at the sides of our quarian friends, taking their homeworld, their future back, just as we stood besides our turian and krogan friends, doing the same for them. Just as our friends will stand at our side, the day we take Earth back.

Let's make sure, this will happen! Let's take this planet back and ensure our own future!

Dismissed."


	6. A perfect day: Part 1

**To make an already long chapter even longer, a few notifications.**

 **First of all, thanks to my followers and those who even made this story a favourite! It has been a busy first week, and you are encouraging me to keep on going. Over 600 visits, over 20000 words, 5 chapters...hell of a week!**

 **Second: This chapter contains two warnings. Rated C for caries inducing sweetness and Rated M for my first try of writing a smutty scene. I don't know if it's even slightly erotic, so, if you like or dislike it, hit the review button!**

* * *

 **The Citadel, one week after Rannoch, April 11. 2187**

The departure from Rannoch took a little longer than expectet. Being invited to countless festivities celebrating the end of the quarian/geth-conflict, it took the Normandy's crew two full days to begin their journey back to the Citadel, and another five until they finally reached their destination.

Arriving late during the stations artificial day circle, Shepard had decided to stay a final night onboard before she and Liara would start their personal shore leave, ironically at the 11. of April, Jane's birthday. Liara was exited by Shepards idea to celebrate the day in private, just the two of them spending time together. But, despite being off duty, Jane had to handle a few important things first, and so they decided to meet later the day at the presidium, just before midday.

Leaving the Normandy early in the morning, Jane is in a state of strange turmoil, but considering her plans, she brushes these feelings aside quickly, and calls for an air cab. It would be a long day, and being late to her date with Liara would not be helpful.

Checking the few, essential things she carries with her yet again, she climbs into the cabin and enters her first destination: Zakera wards, lower levels. The automated traffic system handles the route quickly, and soon she's standing right in front of a small, shabby store, part one of her plan. Entering the store with quick steps, her hand reaches out for the small package in her pocket involuntarily.

The shopkeeper is a particulary asthmatic and greedy looking volus, but his reputation, however, is flawless; Jane spent hours with double-checking.

"Greetings, Earth-Clan." his "What can I..." his "...do for you?"

Answering by handing a datapad to him, Jane starts to tap the counter with her fingertips nervously. The volus takes his time to read the instructions, leaving Jane room to take a look around. No matter how unpleasant the shopkeeper's breathing is, the exhibits are masterful pieces of craftmanship, no question. But this was the reason she came here in the first place, after all.

Finally the little artisan seems to be finished reading. Rising his head he inhales deeply.

"Very exceptional." his "It will be..." his "...no problem. I have..." his "...all the materials I need."

"Good. However, I want you to use these for the main part."

Reaching into her pocket, Jane grabs a small box and places it in front of the volus. Opening it curiously, the volus head bobs up as he notices the contents.

"I am honored with..." his "...you trusting me with this..." his "...task. It will be..." his "...my pleasure!"

 _Yeah, but this will not stop you from cleaning me out, my greedy little friend, I bet..._

Jane waves her hand impatiently.

"Yeah, whatever... How long will it take?"

The volus seems to calculate a few things in silence, then he's answering with certainty.

"For you. One..." his "...day." his "Twenty thousand..." his "...credits."

 _Goddammit!_

Tomorrow would be too late. Getting collywobbles, Jane massages her aching temples.

"Listen! I need it to be finished in two hours, tops! Money is not an issue... Can you do it?"

Seeing an opportunity, the shopkeeper scratches his head thoughtfully, his voice getting a roguish undertone.

"It is a very..." his "...tight schedule, but it is..." his "...possible. Maybe we can cut..." his "...a deal..."

After a brief discussion about the terms of their agreement, she is leaving the shop with a content smile on her lips.

 _One down, two to go._

Confident of being able to finish all preparations in time, she's heading for the embassies, rushing towards the spectre office as soon as she leaves the cab. Biometric sensors are opening the fortified doors immediately, a VI greeting her with it's familiar, unemotional voice.

"Shepard. Human. Spectre status recognized."

Inside however, the dark bureau contains a pleasant surprise.

"Good to see you, skipper."

Spectre Williams is just stepping out of the shooting range, clad in blue Alliance armor and holding a Black Widow sniper rifle in her hands.

"Ash! How are you doing?"

Shaking hands with her old friend, Jane has a long close look at the dark-haired woman and is pleased by the result. Although looking a bit tired, Ashley seems to be in good shape and spreads an aura of confidence.

"I'm fine, Skipper. More than fine, actually. I'm... I'm getting my own ship. The SSV Gallipoli. Received orders from Hackett, just two hours ago."

Grinning broadly, Jane slaps Ashleys shoulder.

"That's fantastic, Ash! So we've to settle down who calls whom 'skipper', hu?"

The second human spectre snorts loudly.

"You'll always be my skipper, Skip. And, happy birthday, by the way. Wanted to catch you some hair dye, but wasn't sure if you would stick around long enough to hand over the present... "

Running her fingers through the mop of dark-red hair on her head unvoluntarily, Jane makes a face, sticking her tongue out at Ashley.

"Not funny, Williams! I spent half the morning searching for the first wrinkles..."

Ashley's response is mockingly dry, but the spectre's face softens apologetically.

"Don't worry, not everyone is destined to be a beautiful, glamorous spectre... But, seriously, I feel bad I don't have anything for you, Skip. Maybe we could meet at Chora's later? Drinks are on me."

Jane shifts her weight from one leg to the other, tapping her chin thoughtfully in the process.

"Nah, I already have an appointment in the evening, but thanks, regardless. However, there's one thing you could help me with..."

She explains her plan with a few, quick words, chuckling softly at the sight of Ash's growing astonishment. It was nice to know she still could surprise even her oldest friends. Shaking her head in disbelief, Ashley finally gives the answer Jane was hoping for.

"Sure thing, Skip. And don't you dare not calling me afterwards. I want every little detail!"

"Will do. But there are still a few things I have to manage... We'll talk later, Ash."

"Yeah, I bet... And, just to be clear about that: If you **would** ask me to act in a certain role, I **would** accept happily... But, anyway, good luck! "

 _Well, I think you will have to battle Tali for the honor..._

With a quick glance towards her chrono, Jane sighs in relief, waving the other hand to say goodbye to Ashley.

 _Two down, one to go. And it's one hell of a thing to go... Goddammit, I'm going to throw up..._

Swallowing heavily, Jane steps towards the QEC terminal, but hesitates to activate it.

 _A baddass N7, headbutting krogan and charging reapers for a living, is afraid of speaking with an old woman... Yeah, that's me... Come on, Jane! Ooorah! Who's like you?_

Inhaling deeply, she pushes a button at the control panel. Only a second later Jane is staring right into the eyes of an old asari's holographic body and a raspy voice drowns the machine's soft hum.

"Hey, babe. Got your call. Can't get enough of me, hu?"

Jane clears her throat forcefully, thinking of how to start.

"Aethytha, glad you could make it. How are you doing?"

"Well, not as well as you do. While you kept banging the quarian's and geth's heads together until they played along, I'm still stuck convincing the matriarchs to get rid of that rubble of pyjak crap they call 'warfare strategy'. Bunch of whiny, self-righteous divas, if you ask me...

But you're obviously not calling me to discuss my progress in beating sense into those old thresher maws... What's on your mind? You're looking like a volus who has to wrestle down a krogan..."

 _You could say that..._

Suddenly the matriarch is knitting her brows, her expression darkening suspiciously.

"Is it about Liara? I tell you, if you banged up my daughter..."

Blushing instantly, Jane has the sudden wish to curl up and die, but the universe isn't gracious enough to make it happen. Stuck with talking, she begins to stutter her way towards the topic she wants to discuss.

"No! No, she's not... Um, at least as far as I know... The... um, reason I called you is, um... It's custom to, um... do it face to face, but considering the, um..."

"In the name of Athame's hanging tits, stop saying 'Um' and just tell me!"

"Iwanttoaskliaratomarrymeandiwantedtoknowifyouareokwiththatplease?"

Breathless after speaking the feared words rapidly, Jane watches the matriarch scratching her head in confusion.

"Um, sorry, babe. What did you just say?"

Taking a deep breath, she calms herself and starts another attempt, accentuating her words carefully this time.

"I'm asking you for permission to propose to your daughter."

The asari's facial expression changes immediately, her brown eyes promising fire and brimstone.

"And what makes you think you're good enough for her?"

Infuriated and frustrated by the mocking tone in an instant, Jane snaps her next words aggressivly.

"I was just being polite, Aethytha! I'm going to ask her, anyway!"

What happens next is baffling Shepard. The matriarch is smirking. And laughing. Hard.

Jane's face is getting hot with shame in an instant as she realizes the asari just made fun of her. Standing there in silence, she watches the laughing asari, until Aethytha, still giggling, starts talking again.

"Well, that's the fire you need! When I proposed to Nezzie, I was so nervous I nearly wet my pants... Keep it burning, babe, or you will get cold feet. Trust me."

 _Hell of a pep talk, Aethytha..._

"Thanks, I think... So... I have your blessing?"

Softening both her face and voice, the old bartender looks at her with a caring expression in her eyes.

"Yeah, you have, babe. You love Liara, and you protected her when I didn't. That's good enough for me. And even if I would disagree, it wouldn't change shit. My girl would just headbutt me and marry you afterwards..."

Chuckling at the matriarchs words, Jane feels incrediby delighted.

"Thanks, Aethytha. I'll be glad to have a father-in-law like you. In the case she agrees, naturally..."

Shifting her weight from one leg to another, Jane feels a pang of doubt.

 _What if she doesn't? Oh god, what if she doesn't?!_

"If you want to marry my daughter, stop talking crap. And tell my baby girl I want to speak with her, afterwards. So, excuse me, I have to go back to this political throw-up they call 'assemblies'..."

 _Three down. Time to dress up and check if a certain volus is as good as his reputation. And gods be with him, if he isn't..._

* * *

Liara bobs up and down on her toes impatiently. She's already late, and the overly slow elevator is not helping at all. It's Jane's birthday, and she wants to spent as much time with her bondmate on this day as is possible. Fingering the small box in her pocket, she is sighing in relief as the cabin finally stops.

Rushing out the opening doors, Liara is frozen in place the next second. She was right, Jane is already waiting, but this is not what startles her. No.

Jane is wearing a dress.

Closing the remaining distance to the red-haired human with slow steps, Liara takes her time to to have a closer look at the unusual sight.

It's just a simple, sleeveless summer dress of calf-length, but the effect it has is baffling. The thin anthracite fabric flows around her lovers athletic body, accentuating her freckled shoulders in a lovely way and drawing attention towards her muscular shanks. The color itself compliments the woman's hair and eye color quiet nicely. All in all, Jane looks beautiful and incredibly young.

 _Goddess, she's gorgeous!_

Greeting her with a kiss, Jane has a knowing smirk on her lips.

"Do you like it?"

Liara nods approvingly.

"Very much. Although, it makes me feel underdressed..."

Looking down the asari's body, clothed in one of her green science uniforms, Jane's smile gets a nostalgic touch.

"You're looking wonderful... But, let's talk about our plans... You're ready for this? No outstanding preparations?"

Fingering the small box containing her present, Liara shakes her head.

"No, I'm all yours."

Grinning at the innuedo, her bondmate grabs Liara's hand and leads her towards a waiting air cab, helping her to climb into the cabin before taking the driver's seat for herself. Starting the engines, the spectre sets a course towards their secret destination.

The sight of Jane piloting the vehicle around the wards suddenly evokes a particular memory. Biting her lip, Liara tries to surpress the silly thought, but in the end, she can't help herself but lean over to her bondmate and whisper a single word.

"Truck!"

Wrinkling her brows in confusion, Jane is just turning her head to look into Liara's eyes as the realisation strikes her. A second later, both woman are giggling uncontrollably.

"You know, I **am** a very good driver..."

Still chuckling softly, Jane wipes her eyes and navigates the cab towards the presidium's big lake, landing it on top of a small island. Deactivating the machines quickly, her bondmate climbs out the cabin and grabs a folded blanket from the backseat. Walking towards a tiny hill with determination, she turns around midway and calls for Liara.

"Bluebird, catch up! It's just over here."

Confused by the choice of location, Liara looks around wide-eyed and follows her bondmate.

"Um, Jane, are you sure we are allowed to be here?"

The red-haired woman seems to have reached her place of destination, a group of bushs growing in the shadow of a big tree. Busy with unfolding the blanket on the ground between the plants, Jane's answer is a throaty chuckle, as she smooths out a few wrinkles in the thick fabric.

"Yeah, it was necessary to use a little spectre-magic, but today this lovely place is all ours... Come here, let's have a seat..."

Looking around, Liara shakes her head in disbelief. She had expected them to watch a Blasto movie together or to go to the Armax Arsenal Arena or maybe even a visit at Purgatory. Her bondmate's idea of having fun was usually very predictable. But this...

Sitting down hesitantly, Liara takes a glance at her bondmate and bites her lip. Jane looks relaxed and happy, watching sky cars flying above them, but Liara starts to fear the red-haired woman has planned this trip only out of consideration towards her...

"You sure you don't want to do something a little more exciting? You know that I love this part of the presidium, but it's your birthday, and..."

Jane waves her hand dismissively.

"Nah, it's my pleasure to see you happy. You like it?"

She actually does. Stroking the soft grass beneath her, Liara feels crumbly soil at her fingers. A small smile appears on her face. The scent and structure are invoking fond memories. Leaning back with a content sigh, Liara rests herself in a half-sitting position, looking up in the artificial sky above them.

"Very much. It reminds me of where I grew up."

Resting her back on the trunk behind her, Jane watches her observantly.

"Armali, right? I think you told me..."

"Yes. My mother and I lived beside a park like this. I spent hours there."

Jane reaches out to caress Liara's cheek. Purring at the tender touch, she slips closer to her bondmate and rests her head on a freckled shoulder, closing her eyes happily.

"Doing what?"

Grinning at the thought, Liara answers the curious question, accentuating her last words by grabbing a handful of soil and throwing it away playfully.

"Reading, exploring, getting in trouble digging for ruins in the grass."

Jane bursts out into giggling.

"You're kidding!"

"I was very young..."

Chuckling sheepishly, Liara tries to save her dignity with the last sentence, but given Jane's reaction, she fails miserably. Listening to her bondmate's next teasing words, she's okay with that.

"Yeah, that's actually pretty cute. Nerdy little dirt digger."

Slapping Jane's belly playfully, Liara's eyes are travelling to something very far away.

"No one else thought it was funny. The lecture my mother gave me! But she did buy me my first history book the next day."

A wave of sorrow hits her at the thought of what she has lost. Despite what happened, she would always love Benezia, an insight that came too late. All the years they spent fighting because of her stubborness... Liara lips are trembling, and a sharp sob escapes her chest.

"I miss her, Jane."

"I know..."

Closing strong arms around the asari's body, Jane pulls Liara into her lap, giving her a comforting hug to ease the feelings of loss.

Minutes are passing with neither of them saying a word, until Liara rises her head, remembering something important. Sniffling softly, she wipes her face dry and gives Jane an apologetic smile while grabbing the small box in her pocket.

"I almost forgot to give you your present!"

Handing over the small present box, Liara watches her bondmate eagerly, waiting for her reaction.

Jane takes her time to unwrap the nicely packed gift, finally opening the box with a curious look on her face. Her eyes grow wide as soon as she sees its content.

"Liara, that's wonderful!"

It's a small golden locket with a matching necklace. Removing it carefully from its box, Jane looks at the masterful crafted piece of jewelry adoringly.

"Open it!"

Smiling at the sight of Liara's sparkling excitement, Jane unlocks the small clasp and opens the trinket, only to swallow heavily as a hidden mechanism starts to play a slow piano piece, her favorite song. The locket itself contains a picture of Liara, smiling into the camera lovingly.

"Do you like it?"

Jane says nothing, but Liara notices the tears of emotion in her eyes, accompanied by a grateful spark, and this is all the answer she needs. Removing the necklace from Jane's trembling hands carefully, Liara helps her bondmate to arrange it around her freckled neck. Stroking it thoughtfully with a small smile, the asari reclines her head to have a better look at her bondmate's chest, but she is pulled back immediately.

A surprised squeak escapes her mouth, only to be silenced by Jane's hungry lips in the next moment. Kissing passionately, they don't move apart until both of them are gasping for air. But apparently this isn't enough to stop Jane. While Liara is still breathing heavily, her bondmate already is placing little pecks on blue skin, nibbling her way up from her collarbone towards the asari's sensitive neck. Humming happily, Liara feels a growing demand manifesting itself as a surge of heat between her legs. Jane's searching hand, slipping under her science uniform's seam is augmenting her arousal even more.

As much as she's enjoying the red-haired womans caressing, Liara can't help but feel a sudden pang of self-consciousness. The plants around them are blocking off curious looks from the outside, and the isolation of the small island would keep intruders away, but they **are** still in the middle of the most crowded part on the Citadel...

Like an answer to her unspoken question, the hand under her jacket starts to stroke the skin over her stomach. Jane's gentle touching fingers are sending shivers over her smooth scales, moving in torturously slow circles.

"You...you want to make out? Here?"

Liara blushes instantly, and, given the pleased grin on Shepard's face, this was just the reaction her bondmate was hoping for. Accentuating her next words with tender bites on Liara's sensible ridges, Jane's whispering voice is becoming husky.

"Do you know how long I waited to see this shade of blue again?"

 _Goddess, I will get you for this! But not... now..._

Moaning in pleasure, she slightly turns her head, giving her bondmate better access to some of the most delicate neck folds, an effort that is rewarded instantly. Soft flicks of Jane's tongue are teasing the sensitive region, leaving small traces of moisture on the smooth, burning skin. Her body is shivering in lust and Liara's eyes are filled with the first haze of swirling blackness.

Reaching for the meld, she is surprised by Jane actively blocking her out, denying her the blissful joining.

A needy whimper escapes Liara's lips. She would not be able to hold back much longer, and she craves to get lost in the comforting depths of her lovers mind.

"Jane, please... I need..."

The caressing hand on the asari's stomach is wandering south her waistband, pushing her soaking panties besides gently. Reaching the center of her arousal, a single skillful finger dips into the wet depths of her azure and starts running fast circles around the pulsating little knob above it, intensifying the growing tension inside her tenfold.

"No, Bluebird, this one is all yours. Let go."

Her bondmates calm alto voice is filled with enough warmth and love to carry Liara over the edge immediately.

Throwing her head back, she feels her whole body tensing and seizing up uncontrollably. Jane is holding her firmly, preventing her from falling over in the duration. Muscular arms closed around the trembling body, the red-haired woman uses her fingers to cup Liara's throbbing sex protectively.

Riding her orgasm out against them with frantically bucking hips, the relaxation afterwards leaves Liara breathing heavily, and she feels strangly exhausted and refreshed at the same time.

 _By the goddess, that was..._

Still feeling dizzy, the asari notices soft lips on the top of her crest, placing a loving peck on it. Purring happily, Liara turns her head around to see the freckled face of her lover. Jane's emerald eyes are dark and full of devotion, her lips irresistable.

Smiling smugly as Liara pulls her head down into a long kiss, Jane's whispers are filled with contentment.

"Like I said, it's my pleasure to see you happy, Dr. T'soni."

Liara changes her position and snuggles her back against Shepards chest, feeling soothingly relaxed. Watching the peaceful view in front of her, she experiences a moment of pure joy, caused by the heart-warming presence of her lover. They had spent a lot of beautiful moments together, but right now, Liara couldn't imagine to get even happier. Searching for a way to express her feelings, it takes her a moment to gather the right words.

"I wish we could spent more time together like this. Just the two of us..."

Sighing blissfully, she strokes Jane's tigh softly, and turns around in her bondmate's lap, smiling at her affectionaly.

She must have said something wrong. Jane's body is stiffening and she swallows heavily, her face is showing signs of uncertainty and the look in her eyes can only be described as fear.

"Jane, what..."

Her bondmate raises one hand to cut her off. Bowing her head down, Jane nods, first slowly, then getting faster. Reassuring.

Finally she looks up. Her eyes still flicking around uncertain, Jane clears her throat and starts speaking, fingering something in her pocket.

"I wanted to do this, um, later. But now... now is as good as it will ever be, I think. The reason, um... The thing I wanted to do... Goddammit! Listen, I know we're at war, but I, um, realized there will never be the... Well, the moment for it will propably never be perfect. There was one moment, but the collectors... Bluebird, even if we're defeating the reapers, there always will be another thing... Fuck! Aethytha was right, I can't do it..."

After shouting the last swear word, Jane's stuttering turns into downhearted whispers.

"Jane..."

Shaking her head mortified, the red-haired woman shirks from her look.

"Jane!"

Liara grabs her bondmate's jaw and forces her to look at her. Keeping eye contact with the shining emeralds, she starts speaking, trying to reassure the troubled woman.

"Jane, I want you to listen to me. Look into my eyes and talk to me. Whatever it is you want to say, don't look away. Do you understand?"

Nodding approvingly, Jane clears her throat and starts again. To her credit, her emeralds are staring into Liara's sapphires the whole time, barely blinking in the cause. Sighing in relief, Liara takes Jane's hands into hers, squeezing them reassuringly.

"I was thinking. About us. I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but there always stood something between us. Sovereign. The Collectors. The Alliance... And now the Reapers.

They forced me to decide between our love and my duty, and I'm sick of it. I already made my choice. Above Alchera. Hackett can kiss my ass!

I'll fight the Reapers, but I'll fight for you. I'll save the galaxy, but I'll do it for you. For us."

 _Goddess!_

Gathering her thoughts, Jane pauses, but not out of hesitation. Every trace of uncertainity in her eyes is gone, replaced with pure determination. Liara notices that now it's Jane who is squeezing her hands. Feeling a lump in her throat, she has the need of saying something. Her sapphire eyes shimmering with tears, the words are both a statement and a question.

"Well, that sounds serious..."

Jane nods firmly, but doesn't break eye contact.

"I am serious. Whatever happens... I'd like to spend my life with you."

The red-haired woman uses her right hand to pull something out of her pocket, and Liara is hearing a soft click. Looking down, her mind has difficulties with processing the picture her eyes are looking at. Jane has a small box in her hand, containing a silvery ring, gemmed with a single diamond.

Rising her head again, all she can see is a blurr of red and freckled flesh. It takes a few moments until Liara realizes the source of her limited vision and she wipes her eyes quickly. Just in time to watch Jane's lips forming magical words.

"I love you, Bluebird. More than anything else. Will you marry me?"

Liara opens her lips, but all words she wants to say are suffocated by sharp sobs and tears of joy. After failing to speak for the third time, she simply grabs Jane's head, kissing her deeply as her eyes turn black. Reaching out with her mind, she gives her answer, coating them with determination, devotion and love.

 _I will! It's all I ever wanted. Marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children! Jane, I will!_

They look at each other, both of their faces shimmering in tears. Their lips meet in another kiss, and for a long time, there is nothing else but the two of them.


	7. A perfect day: Part 2

**A quick notification: To ensure a better flow, I splitted the previous chapter and took it's last part as a start for this one.  
**

* * *

"...and you persuaded the volus to do this in two hours? Jane, this must have cost you a fortune!"

"Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as you think. We cut a deal, and in the end he did it without charging extra."

The two freshly engaged women are lying on the blanket, their bodies snuggled against each other tightly. Resting her head on Jane's shoulder, Liara admires the diamond ring on her hand, reaching out into the sky to watch glittering sparks of light dancing over the flawless gemstone. Still impressed by the incredible short time Jane needed to advance her plan, she pushes further.

"You said this before. But... How?"

The red-haired woman purses her lips sheepishly.

"Um, to be honest, I have another favourite store on the Citadel..."

Liara turns her head, looking at her bondmate wide-eyed.

"Jane, you didn't!"

Smirking smugly, the spectre scratches her head awkwardly, accentuating her words with small bobs of head.

"I did. But this time it's true! Although..."

Jane uses her ellbows to push herself up into a half-sitting position and takes a deep breath.

"I'M COMMANDER SHEPARD AND THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SPOT ON THE CITADEL!"

Giggling uncontrollably after her exclamation, Jane lies back again, deliberatly ignoring Liara's raised brow markings.

"What?! This is the place we got engaged! After the war, I'm going to remove every little piece of it and use the Normandy to ship it over to Thessia. And then I'm going to rebuild it in our backyard."

"So we're going to live on Thessia?"

Forgetting the ring for the moment, Liara raises her head curiously. Jane nods approvingly.

"Definitely. My daughters will grow up amongst other asari. And I really would like to see this particular park in Armali, too... But, Bluebird, you didn't tell me, yet. Do you like the ring?"

Liara is deeply touched by her bondmate's declaration. It was just what she was hoping for, and Jane said it without a moment of hesitation. Trying to hide her feelings, Liara takes on the new subject thankfully and returns her attention towards the diamond ring.

"Very much. And you said you designed it by yourself?"

Taking a closer look, she notices something familiar.

"Jane, these ornaments... These are prothean symbols..."

Her bondmate is smiling contently. The letters, hidden between decorative flourishing, are apparently a detail she's especially proud of.

"Yeah, you're right. Can you read it?"

Jane's smile is mockingly challenging. Of course. Because of the cipher, she's able to read prothean just fine. Liara herself, despite being a prothean expert, normally needs some time and a dictionary to translate elaborate text fragments. Knitting her brows in concentration, she pronounces her translation out loud.

"Let's see...'Blue shadowed'...No! 'Blue shaded'...'creature'...'flying'...'on'...'small'...No, that's wrong, tutor T'rianis warned me about mixing up this symbol, it's 'little'...What symbol is that? It looks like 'flying'... Oh!"

The last symbol was 'wings'.

"Jane, that's so sweet! 'Blue-shaded-creature-flying-on-little-wings'. This is prothean for 'Bluebird', isn't it?"

Rewarding Liara with a short kiss, Jane nods appreciatevly.

"There was no direct translation for it, so I had to jury-rig one. After some experiments, I had three versions in the draft, and I chose this one, because... You know."

 _'Little wings'_

Swallowing heavily, Liara uses her thumb to rub the ring repeatedly. Everytime she thought she had figured out her bondmate, she was surprised with something new. For example spending Jane's birthday doing something Liara likes. Or the decision to live on Thessia. And now this...

 _Oh mother, I wished you would have known her!_

Placing a quick peck on one her bondmate's freckled shoulder, Liara signals her that everything is allright.

"It's a very thoughtful detail... Has the rest of the ring a special story, too?"

Liara asks curiously, but Jane doesn't answer. Looking up, she actually watches Jane blush in embaressment. Rocking her hips against the human's body encouragely, the asari pushes for an answer.

"Um, yes. The diamond is from the mines on Therum. And the ring itself... Um, it was propably a silly idea..."

Knitting her brows, Liara inspects the material of her ring closely and is surprised by the result.

"Steel?"

Her bondmate nods sheepishly.

"Yeah, good old stainless steel. Pretty cheap, I know, but your ring is made of particular high-grade material, considering what it's been through..."

Clearing her throat, Jane takes a glance down to Liara's eyes.

"The volus used... my old dogtags. I... I thought it would be sort of... poetic. The last part of me that survived Alchera, molten down and forged into a new form, just like I was. Symbol of a new beginning, and all that... Um, like I said, it was a silly idea..."

No, it wasn't. Liara has worn these dogtags for almost two years. Knowing it's origin, she looks at the ring at her finger in an altogether different light.

 _How can I possibly explain her?_

Liftening herself up, she crawls onto her bondmate's body and rests her head between Jane's breasts, murmuring towards the freckled skin above her lovers cleavage. She needs to feel as much from Jane's body as is possible now. Using her left thumb to stroke the soft flesh of Shepards throat gently, she starts to whisper. Her shimmering eyes are fixed to her ring finger the whole time.

"Your dogtags... were more than just a keepsake. On Ilium, they used to be my... lifeline. I did cold things to survive. Cruel things. I... I lost myself, Jane. More than once. But they saved me. Everytime I touched them I felt your hands, holding me back from the abyss."

The sensation of Shepard's strong arms closing around her body the next moment is almost too much to bear. It's the very same feeling she imagined everytime she touched Jane's dogtags back on Ilium. The absolute certainty of being safe.

"Are you mad they are gone?"

Jane's question is filled with empathy. Moving her ring finger slowly, Liara watches the reflections of light on the ring's silvery band. For a moment she gets lost in a particular memory.

 _I was so close to loosing her forever... And yet she forged the symbol of my failure into a sign of her love..._

Forcing her attention back to the present time, Liara uses her left hand to reach further than before and caresses her bondmate's freckled cheek.

"No. It was a wonderful idea."

They are lying there together in silence for a long time and Liara starts to get pleasantly sleepy. Not being afraid for the first time since the Reapers arrived, she's just feeling protected. Protected and loved. Liara moans softly and cuddles herself into Jane's chest, seconds away from falling asleep.

"I love you..."

Mumbling the words, her mind wanders off into pleasant dreams.

* * *

"And I love you, Liara T'soni. And I love you..."

Whispering her answer, Jane is pulling Liara even tighter against her body and listens to the adorable little sounds the asari makes while asleep. It's a moment Jane wants to last forever...

 _I'm always coming back to her. No matter what happens, I'm always coming back._

The promise has been a huge burden in the past, but now, she only feels determination. Savouring the moment, Jane stays awake, holding her future wife in her arms and watching her sleep.

After two blissful hours, Liara starts to move in her arms again and Jane looks down into the two big blue orbs of her eyes.

"Hey there..."

Still half asleep, Liara starts smiling happily and pulls her body a few inches upwards until she's able to reach Jane's lips for a long, sensual kiss.

Moaning contently, the asari is stretching herself in an almost cat-like manner and sets her body aside Jane's, purring against her shoulder.

"I want to do this again..."

"Every day after, Bluebird, I promise. But for now... are you hungry?"

Her question is answered by a loud groan of Liara's stomach. Her future wife blushes immediately and Jane can't help herself but start chuckling. Liara darts a apologetic glance at her and rubs her belly.

"Starving, actually..."

"Well, we have a table at this new sushi restaurant waiting for us whenever you like. You wanted to visit it for months, right?"

Liara nods enthusiastically. Content with the reaction, Jane is standing up and helps Liara onto her feet, placing a peck on a blue cheek. After grabbing the blanket, she takes Liara's hand and walks with her towards their waiting skycar, whistling happily as she enters the cabin.

It was a perfect day, and it was not over yet. Smiling dreamily, Jane starts the engines and programs a course leading to the wards.

After a short flight, they are reaching their destination, a landing pad approximately a five minute walk away from the restaurant. They are just leaving the cabin, when Jane notices a familiar voice behind her.

"Jane! I can't believe it! Honey, is it you?"

Pressing a deep growl through her gritted teeth, Jane's shoulders are stiffening immediately. Liara steps to her side and looks at her askingly, but Jane is to upset to say a word.

 _Today. It had to happen today... Fuck!_

Turning around slowly, she faces the source of the voice, a middle-aged woman hurrying towards them. It's like looking into a mirror... Liara seems to notice it, too.

It's pretty obvious. Although the other woman is considerably shorter and lighter in build, everything else is an almost perfect match to Jane. The hair, showing some strains of silver, has the same shade of red. The nose is the same, as is the shape of her lips. Even the eyes are the same shining emeralds.

Liara reaches out and takes her hand. Jane answers the unspoken question on her face by adressing the approaching woman with a cold glance and a professional nod.

"Hannah."

The unpersonal greeting freezes her mother in place and Jane watches the woman's smile fading away, a sight that fills her with grim satisfaction. Flickering with uncertainty, Hannah Shepard's eyes are glancing towards Liara.

"Oh, honey. It's so good to see you! I think about you every day. I try not to worry, but..."

 _Took you only 33 fucking years to develop this feeling..._

Narrowing her eyes, Jane answers sarcastically.

"Yeah, I bet..."

Her mother seems a little taken aback by Jane's tone. Obviously not sure what to say, her mothers eyes dart to Liara, who seems to get pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Is this Liara? Anderson already told me she's gorgeous, but..."

 _No, you closed this door a long time ago!_

"None of your business, Hannah!"

"Jane!"

Both Liara and Hannah are flinching at Jane's aggressive bark. Feeling a pang of guilt, she squeezes Liara's hand apologetically and tries to calm her raging feelings. It's a task she fails miserably as she notices the new stripes on her mother's dress blues. Jane's voice is getting malicious.

"As I see congratulations are in order, Rear Admiral. How fitting... Lower deck rumor says backstabbing and cowardice has a long tradition in the Admiralty..."

Liara seems to be distracted by her bold words and gasps heavily, but her mother is infuriated.

 _Good..._

"Jane Hannah Shepard! How dare you..."

The two red-haired women are staring at each other, both enraged. Jane starts snapping her answer, but in the end she's practically shouting.

"I know it, Hannah. The Killimanjaro was stationed at Sol during the whole six fucking months, and yet... What was it? Were you ashamed for your crazy daughter, the war criminal? Or did you just simply NOT CARE? AS ALWAYS!"

Hannah's face looses it's color and suddenly the woman looks very old and weak. It's sweeter than everything Jane has ever seen. She **wants** to hurt her mother. Ignoring the pulsing pain along the barely visible scars along her jaw, Jane proceeds.

"During the first two months I cried every night, Hannah. Every. Single. Night. I prayed for you opening these doors and getting me out of that hell. I FUCKING prayed! But... Ooch! Shit..."

Flinching as a sudden sting of burning heat runs through the side of her face, Jane is pressing the palm of her hand against her jawbone and inhales sharply.

 _Goddammit! Dr. Chakwas warned me about it..._

Liara is standing right in front of her and cups her hands around Jane's cheeks. The startled expression in her blue eyes and the aftershock of the stinging pain is enough to drain her completely. Sighing tiredly, Jane looks at her mother, barely noticing the concern and guilt in her eyes.

"What do you want, Hannah?"

Her mother wipes her eyes and answers after a brief moment of hesitation.

"I just felt I needed to... I'm sorry, Jane... I tried. I really tried, but the Alliance didn't let me. Mikhailovich said you had to stay under isolation because they were still interrogating you, and... I'm so sorry!"

It's the same story everyone told her. All her friends and even Liara... But it doesn't make it better. Sighing in resignation, Jane massages her aching temples.

 _Small steps._

"I'm sorry, too. It's been a long time, and... Listen Hannah, we'll talk, ok? I'll call you, and we'll... talk."

"I'd like that. But now... I should go..."

Using her typical farewell, her mother turns around and walks away. Liara, however, is suddenly coughing surprisedly. Jane wrinkles her brows and watches her mother leave.

 _Typical, she didn't even mention my..._

The same moment Jane feels a pang of sadness, Hannah is turning around. The old womans voice is thin and broken.

"Happy birthday, Jane. And... I just want you to know that I am proud of you, honey. So proud."

The words are stinging right into her heart. Jane waited for them, no, craved for them her entire life, but no matter what she did or what she achieved, her mother never told her. She doesn't know how to react.

Sniffling softly, Hannah starts walking away and the picture of her mother is blurring because of tears filling Jane's eyes. A feeling of helplessness starts to overwhelm her. Suddenly she feels the feathery touch of a blue hand on her forarm. Liara squeezes it reassuringly and says one word.

"Jane..."

Weeks ago, it was her turn to encourage Liara to speak with her father. But the situation now is somewhat different... When realisation strikes her, it's like a moment of clarity. The whole situation with her mother is the same Liara had with Benezia. The same mistakes. And, if one of them would die in this war, the same regrets.

"Hannah!"

She croaks her mothers name and the woman hesitates for a second. It was not enough. Clearing her throat she shouts a word she didn't used since she was a child.

"Mom! I'm sorry!"

This time her mother stops and turns around. Her face is glistening with tears as she just stares at her daughter. Jane swallows, but the lump in her throat doesn't vanish. Stumbling towards her mother, she shouts again.

"Stay. Please!"

Jane runs towards Hannah and hugs her tightly. At first her mother seems to stiffen in her arms, but soon she relaxes and closes her arms around her back, too. It's one of the most wonderful feelings Jane has ever experienced. After some time, both women are loosening the grip of their unusual gesture of affection. Jane wipes her cheeks dry and manages a little smile. Closing one arm around her mothers shoulders she gently turns her towards Liara.

"There is someone I'd like to introduce you to..."

Liara seems to be a little self-conscious, but she greets her mother with a lovingly smile anyway. Hannah bobs her head politely and glances at her daughter expectantly. Jane takes the direct approach and coats her voice with proudness and devotion.

"Mom, this is Dr. Liara T'soni, my girlfriend and fiancee."

Fiancee. It's the first time she uses this word, and it makes her smile. Given the little sparkles in her eyes, Liara seems to approve as well.

Her mother, however, is simply speechless and uses a hand to cover her lips. Smiling proudly, Liara raises her left hand to present her engagement ring and Hannah steps towards her, involuntarily grabbing Liara's hand and staring at the ring. Suddenly her mother's head turns around to Jane.

"You got engaged and didn't call your mother?"

Hannah's tone is teasingly dry, but the look in her eyes is full of happiness and pride. Jane steps besides Liara and places a quick kiss on her blue lips. Turning her attention back to her mother, she grins smugly.

"Well, we did it just a few hours ago, and there was a looong list of persons to call..."

"Smartass..."

Her mothers answer is merely a whisper, but it does something with Jane. She feels like a child again. A happy one.

Still staring towards Liara's ring finger, Hannah's head suddenly bobs up and the old woman blushes deeply as she loosens the grip around the asari's fingers.

"I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude... I'm Hannah. If you want to blame someone for this little troublemaker you're going to marry, it's propably me."

Liara chuckles softly and smiles affectionaly.

"Oh, she certainly has her moments... Nice to finally meet you, Hannah. It's 'Liara'."

"It's my pleasure, Liara. So, and now you two lovebirds are going to tell me how exactly my grumpy daughter managed to win the heart of such a lovely young lady. I want to know every little detail!"

Jane makes a face. Something tells her she's going to be embaressed soon, but watching her mother accepting Liara so quickly makes her heart jump. She clears her throat to get her mothers attention.

"Um, we actually have a reservation at this newly opened sushi restaurant. A table. Maybe..."

She darts a questioning look into Liara's eyes and her fiancee nods immediately. Sighing happily, Jane closes one arm around Liara's waist.

"Would you like to join us, Mom?"

Hannah hesitates for a moment, but a quick glance towards her freshly engaged daughter gives her the assurance she needs. Nodding thankfully, her lips are curling with a small smile.

"Very much. Thank you, honey."

* * *

"... We used to make up these bedtime stories. She had her own ship and crew. The stories were always filled with adventure and danger."

"That's just like her!"

The three of them are sitting at their table and Liara is holding her fiancee's hand while listening to another childhood story. Her future mother-in-law happend to be a surprisingly pleasant companion; They spent hours chatting and eating, and the atmosphere is notably relaxed. Liara is really enjoying their time together, and Jane seems to approve as well.

Looking very thoughtfully at her mother's words, Jane rubs her chin and a little smile appears on her face.

"Oh, yeah. Huh. Haven't thought about that in awhile."

Hannah chuckles quietly.

"Me neither. You'd always swoop in to punish the bad guys to save the day. So... there you are. Even when you were little, you dreamed of the life you have."

Suddenly the grip around Liara's fingers tightens, and she notices a flicker of insecurity in Jane's eyes.

 _What is she so afraid of?_

"I did, but... I'm going to resign, mom. As soon as the war is over. I know military service runs in the family..."

 _Oh..._

The older woman seems to sense her daughters distraction and reaches out to stroke her shoulder.

"Shh, it's ok, honey, I'm not mad with you! You want to settle down?"

Jane glances towards Liara and nods confidently.

"That's wonderful! I've been waiting for years to see it happen."

It's obviously not the reaction Jane has expected. Not sure what to say, she's just staring at her mother, until the older woman takes pity on her.

"Jane, you're still my little girl. I wanted you to find someone you'd be happy with and start a family with her. A lifetime full of war and duty isn't something to be proud of, honey!

Watching you together with Liara and see how much you love each other... This is the happiest day I've ever had..."

Hannah's omnitool beeps with an incoming call and interrupts the touching moment. Reading the text message, the old woman knits her brows angrily and sighs frustrated.

"Well, that's what I was talking about... I'm sorry, that dumbass I call my X.O. is in trouble and I propably should go and help him out..."

Jane wipes her eyes and manages a understanding smile.

"It's ok, Mom, I understand. And... thanks."

Hannah's face softens and she stands up.

"I'm the one to thank you, honey. It was a wonderful evening. And... Listen, it's propably a little bold, but my shore leave ends tomorrow 18:00. Would you like to visit me at my apartment before that? Silversun Strip, 1027 A. I know you two lovebirds propably want to spend as much time in privat as possible, but..."

This where Liara breaks her silence and chims in. She's sure Jane wouldn't object.

"Gladly! Thank you for the invitation, Hannah."

Jane's mother smiles broadly.

"It's entirely selfish. I have to become acquainted with my future daughter-in-law, haven't I? But now I propaby should hurry... I'll see you tomorrow! And Jane? Keep her safe, ok?"

"Will do, Mom. Bye."

The old woman leaves the restaurant with quick steps, but not without turning around one last time and smiling at them. Liara watches her departure with mixed feelings. In the last months she was somehow afraid of meeting Jane's mother. But actually...

"I like your mother."

Jane wipes the last tears of emotion from her face and smiles.

"Yeah, me too... Thanks, Bluebird. For making me realise it."

Smirking smugly, she reaches out to grab a handful of her fiancee's red hair and pulls Jane closer to her.

"Well, I suppose that is something you should have expected from your fiancee..."

Jane understands immediately and starts to kiss her, but the very moment their lips meet, they are interupted by a nervous voice.

"Commander! Commander, this is urgent!"

Growling in frustration, they are turning their heads towards the source of the voice. Liara watches a woman in Alliance dress blues stumbling through the crowded restaurant. Jane notices her, too, and grumbles desperatly.

"Has the Alliance given order to interupt us whenever possible?! First Joker, then Traynor and now this! I know they are taking this 'fraternisation' bullshit serious, but..."

Liara chuckles softly, but she can't help but feel a little concerned by the look on the womans face. Arriving at their table, the Alliance officer begins to stumble hurrily while still gasping for air.

"Commander Shepard, I'm Staff Analyst Maya Brooks. Alliance... excuse me... Alliance Intelligence. There are people trying to kill you."

"You don't say..."

Wrinkling her brow markings at Jane's sarcastic quip, Liara decides to take charge.

"Are you trying to say there is a new party involved?"

The analyst sighs reliefed. Turning her attention towards Liara, she explains further.

"Yes. Someone is hacking her account. Comm channels, personal records... They are targeting her specifically."

Liara feels her heart rate speed up and activates her omnitool. Maybe there would be new information on the Shadow Broker network. Accessing her files she gives Brooks a sharp glance.

"Do you have intel regarding their intentions?"

This is the moment hell breaks loose. The analyst just opens her mouth to answer, when a small object on the ground slithers besides their desk. Jane is the first to react. She grabs Liara's arm, jumps across the table and barks one word.

"GRENADE!"

They are too slow. The small cylinder explodes the second Liara is on her feet and a flash of incredible bright light and noise is overwhelming her with irresistable force. When she finally hits the ground, she feels a sudden sting of pain in her shoulder, but, besides a nauseous dizzyness, it seems the only damage she has suffered.

 _My barriers where not fully up. Maybe some shrapnel from the desk. Flashbangs are not lethal, but they_ _ **do**_ _explode..._

Liara shakes her head to get rid of both the thoughts and the high-pitched noise in her auditory canals. Then another thought is hitting her like a charging krogan. Her vision is still blurring, but she doesn't care and starts shouting.

"Jane? Jane, are you all right? JANE?!"

"Shhh, I'm right here, Bluebird. I'm fine. Stay down."

Hearing Jane's voice, she is following the order and lays down flat to the ground. The sound of gunshots just a few meters away suddenly overtunes the noise in her head, and Jane seems to be in close combat with at least one enemy. Hearing the damp clashes of fists hitting a body, accompanied with a occasional huff originating from Jane, is almost unbearable. She wants to do something, but she's in no condition for it. Not being able to help the woman she loves is almost physically painful.

Then she notices the familiar humming sound of an omniblade and a jerky scream. Liara sighs in relief as Jane says one word.

"Sitrep!"

She lifts her head carefully and tries to see something between the blinding sparkles in front of her eyes. After a few moment of blinking she spots what she was looking for: Her fiancee has taken cover behind a broken desk and inspects a pistol. Liara swallows heavily.

"Shrapnel in my right shoulder and still feeling dizzy. Can't help you... I'm sorry."

Her fiancee raises her hand in a reassuring gesture and smiles at her confidently.

"It's ok, it wasn't your fault! Hang tight, Bluebird, I'll take care of those punks..."

"I love you!"

"I love you too, Liara."

Jumping over the table, Shepard opens fire immediately and soon Liara looses track of her. Distant gunshots tell her that Jane is still in the fight, but the suspense is killing Liara. Gritting her teeth, she starts to crawl towards Jane's last position. Taking cover at the table by herself, she glances around it's corner.

The next moment a scream escapes her lips.

Given the number of dead bodies, Jane's counter-attack was successful. She is just helping Brooks to escape into cover, when the enemies open fire again. The bullets are hitting short, but a loud crack fills the air and Jane seems to be frozen in place. For a second Liara is looking right into Jane's eyes and a sad smile appears on the red-haired womans face. Then, falling through the ground, she's gone.

"JANE!"

Liara jumps up and stumbles towards the place Jane vanished. The aquarium, of course. The aquarium hundreds of meters above the ground.

 _Goddess, no! No, not today, please Jane, not today..._

The next moment a concussion round hits her dead on. Lying on the ground, she feels her consciousness slowly drifting into darkness. The last thing she sees is Jane bending over her body, a curious look on her face. But something is unfamiliar.

 _Her hair. Why does she have long hair?_

Then she blacks out.

* * *

 **Yeah, cliffhanger! Don't worry, the next chapter should be there on sunday.**

 **Next chapter: Liara in trouble, a paragon gone renegade and shaken confidence**

 **And for all of you asking themselfs which memory startled Liara: Check out my first companion piece "Symbol of failure, sign of love".**


	8. Gemini inter spinas

**This is the revised version of "Gemini inter spinas" Strong M warning for descriptions of physical violence.**

* * *

"Jane..."

Murmuring her fiancee's name, Liara is slowly drifting out of her unconsciousness. Her whole body seems to be stiff with aching pain.

 _A direct hit against the sternum and a wound in my right shoulder. Of course I'm in pain..._

Remembering the last seconds in the restaurant, she opens her eyes, but bright light forces her to close her lids immediately. After waiting a few seconds to give her aching temples time to calm down, Liara tries again and looks around. Noticing a few familiar things in her surroundings, her disorientation slowly vanishes.

 _I'm in our cabin onboard the Normandy... But why?_

There is no doubt; she is lying flat on their bed, the sheets beneath her filled with the familiar scent of her bondmate. Her fiancee... There is something important, but her mind processes her thoughts painfully slow...

 _Goddess, the fishtank!_

Her head bobs up, and she turns herself to her left side. Her body seems to be unnatural stiff and she troubles with the movement, but finally Liara is able to see the rest of the room. It doesn't seem to be quite right. Strangly all ceiling lights are turned to their maximum brightness, although the two of them prefer to keep them at a relaxing half-dim setting.

 _Maybe it was EDI, or the engineers overseeing the retrofits who..._

Ripped from her thoughts by the sight of a familiar red mop of hair at the office-space, Liara exhales in relief. Her bondmate seems to inspect some of her model ships. Watching it is familiar and soothing the same time, and Liara feels her heart rate drop immediately. Her mouth seems incredibly dry. Clearing her throat, she tries to catch her fiancee's attention with a few words, but instead of calling for her bondmate loudly, she manages nothing but a croak. However, Liara seems to be successful: The red-haired head snaps up, and the shape of a human woman begins to walk slowy towards the living area, chuckling quietly in the cause.

"Ah, seems you're finally awake, little one."

Shepard's beautiful alto-voice fills the cabin, and Liara sighs softly. A thousand questions enter her mind, but she decides to whisper the most important one's first.

"Jane, are you allright? What happend?"

Her bondmate answers softly, while deliberatly ignoring her first question. There is a strange undertone in her voice. Amusement?

"Concussion round took you out for a few hours. I 'rescued' you and brought you home..."

"I think I remember. But... How? You fell through the floor and..."

Liara stops, as she suddenly notices the source of her stiffness. Her hands are bound behind her back. With handcuffs. She wrinkles her brow markings in confusion and tries to focus her vision back to her bondmate.

"Jane? Why am I constrained?"

The red-haired woman finally arrives at the bed and sits down at the averted side of her lying body. Wanting to look at her fiancee, Liara attempts to roll over, but a strong hand at her injured shoulder forces her to stay in her current position. Inhaling sharply as the ungentle touch causes a new sting of pain, she flinches back involuntarily.

"Easy there, little one... And to answer your question..."

Tickling her way down with feathery fingers, Jane follows a path around the curves of her spine. Liara feels a brief flash of arousal at her bondmate's teasing, but the craving vanishes quickly, as the wandering hand, instead of releasing her, is stopping to rest just above Liara's lower back. Growling in frustration, Liara tries to take an angry look back, only to feel Jane's warm breath at the side of her face the next moment. The throaty chuckle is sending shivers over her skin.

"...It's human custom to handcuff their prisoners. And I don't think it's that different amongst your people..."

 _Prisoner? What kind of game is this?_

Feeling a surge of anxiety in her chest, Liara tries to turn around again, but she's held back by Jane's unyielding fingers at her shoulder easily.

"Jane, let go! Please..."

"Call me Jennifer."

 _Jennifer? What in the name of..._

"Argh..."

Suddenly Jane's strong hands are pulling her up into a sitting position, and Liara has to grit her teeth to muffle a loud scream at the stinging pain in her sore shoulder-blade. Blinking in shock, she finds herself face to face with Jane, who seems to be frozen in place, as well. A strange feeling is growing inside Liara's stomach. It is her fiancee, without a question, but...

Taking a closer look, Liara's eyes are glancing over Jane's body, trying to catch the thing that troubles her. One thing are the strange clothes she wears. Last time she has seen her fiancee, she was wearing that stunning summer dress. Now she looks like some sort of... space pirate. Heavy, armored boots, brownish cargo pants and a black tank top. Liara has never seen her like this.

The other thing is her strange behaviour, of course, but there was something else...

She is just remembering the last moments before she lost consciousness, when Jane lifts her fingers hesitatingly to caress a blue cheek.

 _Her hair. Why does she have long hair?_

"Sorry, I forgot about your shoulder... Did I hurt you, little one?"

Jane's voice is soothing and her touch soft. With a somewhat fascinated look on her face, she starts stroking Liara's right cheek and looks right into her eyes. The wonderful shining emeralds in her bondmate's face are filled with regret and curiousity. Of course, Jane would never hurt her willingly...

For a moment, Liara is closing her eyelids and purrs happily. Despite the discomfort in her still cuffed arms, the touch of her bondmate is enough to make her relax immediately. Shortly, she's even wondering if this is all part of her fiancee's proposal plan...

 _No, that makes no sense. It must be something different..._

"Not much. What happened, Jane?"

"Jennifer, remember?"

"What happened,... J-Jennifer?"

Calling her with a different name is odd, but it seems to do something with her fiancee. Jane's fingers are hesitating for a second, then they move down her cheek to caress Liara's jawline until they are finally grabbing her chin gently.

"Look at me, little one."

Jane's voice is trembling, but her tone is demanding and tolerates no dissent. The moment Liara opens her lids and looks up into her bondmate's eyes, the fingers around her chin are twitching involuntarily and tighten their grip, a reaction that is somehow disturbing. Staring into her sapphires searchingly, the emeralds above her seem to get lost in the depths of her eyes.

After some time Jane must have found what she was looking for and a carousel of emotions is flickering over the red-haired woman's face. Comprehension, enviousness and yearning...

The red-haired woman bobs her head understandingly. Her declaration is merely a whisper, spoken to herself.

"It's the eyes. You can't help but fall for those eyes..."

Liara starts smiling lovingly. It is a compliment she hasn't heard from her bondmate yet, but it is a beautiful one. Jane, however, swallows heavily at the sight of her smile, stands up and uses her strong hands to pull Liara up to her feet gently, watching her with a strange look on her freckled face.

Somehow she expects to be set free now, but instead of turning her around to open the cuffs, the red-haired woman is closing the distance between them with a hungry look in her eyes. Of course. Leaning forward, Liara welcomes her fiancee's searching lips.

The following kiss is unusual and strange at the same time. In some way she is enjoying the ferocity and desperate voraciousness Jane is kissing her with. Without a doubt it is one of the most sensual kisses she ever received from her bondmate...

She is also growing uncomfortable with it quickly. The emotion she usually connects with Jane is being protected. But her fiancee's current kiss and the firm grip of her hands around her neck are making her feel... possessed. She doesn't like that feeling.

Jane normally wants to give and receive, but this kiss...

Flinching slightly as their lips meet in bruising force once again, Liara realises there is something else that is wrong. But what is it? She can't quite put her finger on the one thing that startles her more than anything else.

Suddenly the hands holding her are gone and without her own arms to keep balance, Liara stumbles involuntarily and falls to the ground. Another wave of pain radiates through her shoulder and arms, but this time, she barely recognizes the feeling. The irreality of the whole situation is stunning her. Jane let her fall to the ground. She let her fall!

Jane, however, seems to be lost in her thoughts. A blissful smile on her face, she touches her lips with the fingers of her right hand and looks down at Liara with unseeing eyes.

This is the moment she remembers the one thing that was missing.

 _The spark. Where was that spark that uses to ignite my soul everytime our lips meet? Where was the spark that is Jane?_

It is the spark she felt the first time on Therum, when Jane was catching her body as she fell out of that prothean bubble. A sensation even more singular than a fingerprint. Liara always recogized that spark, even after her whole body was rebuild. It is the spark that convinced her back on Ilium. And now it was gone...

Getting collywobbles at the conclusion, Liara's face is blushing in embaressment.

 _Goddess, I kissed her..._

Staring at the woman above her breathlessly, she is not sure what to say. The woman looks like Jane, smells like Jane and even tastes like her bondmate, but...

"You are **not** Jane."

Gasping for air, Liara finally manages to speak. Her trembling voice reveals the emotional chaos inside her and she is feeling that her biotics are seconds away from starting to flare. The woman who looks like Jane still seems to be frozen in place, but she answers with dreamily voice nevertheless.

"No. I'm Jennifer."

Enraged by the simple answer, Liara tries to summon dark energy in her hands to break her restraints. But she can't do it.

She tries again and again, with the same result, until she finally resignates. There were multiple options to prevent a biotic of using dark energy, but only few that could be used outside a specialized facility. Given the fact Liara wasn't electrocuted yet, the only explanation is that she has been drugged. A feeling of helplessness nearly overwhelms her. Without her biotics and handcuffed, there was nothing she could do to stop a physical superior enemy like the woman in front of her...

"Is it always like this?"

The curious question draws Liara's attention back to the woman called Jennifer, but confuses her the same time. What is like what? Her mind still processing the question, she watches the red-haired woman stepping closer, apparently with the intention of helping her up. Fear is penetrating her mind and she tries to crawl backwards.

"W-What?"

"The kiss. Is it always like this?"

The red-headed woman has reached her and is bending down, still smiling like a child tasting its first piece of candy. It is a silly thought, but...

"K-Kissing?"

Jennifer is shaking her head and pulls her upwards. The strength in the womans arms is horribly familiar, but her captor is notably gentler than the last time and avoids causing her pain. Just like Jane would...

"No. Kissing you, little one. Did you kiss her the way you kissed me?"

Liara is shaking her head involuntarily. and the red-haired woman's expression darkens, but the asari is too confused to notice it.

 _She has to talk about Jane, but why is her voice so full of hate? She looks like her, she sounds like her..._

"W-What are you?"

From one moment to another, the voice of the foreign woman is filled with a hint of bitterness.

"A deposit box for spare parts. A tool, that was left behind after her resurrection. The twin sister she never had."

What does that... Oh!

The answer is almost painfully obvious and Liara experiences the sudden wish to kick herself. It was that simple. The hair, the behaviour, the kiss. The missing spark...

"You are a... clone."

"The one and only, little one."

Smiling sarcastically, Jane's clone leads her towards the bed and uses gentle force to push her down into a sitting position. Liara shakes her head in disbelief and stares at the familiar shape in front of her. Her thoughts are spinning, but there is only one thing important.

"Where is Jane?"

"Gone."

The resolute answer is hitting her like a punch into the guts and Liara feels a surge of pure fury. That couldn't possibly be true, and so she whispers a single word.

"Liar!"

The clone reaches out and follows the line of her neck folds with a single finger. Liara flinches back immediately, and Jennifer sighs resignated. The womans voice is soft and slow, speaking to her like she would explaining a simple fact to a child.

"I took **her** identity using **her** DNA. I took the Normandy using **her** control codes. I took **her** spectre rank. **Her** mission. **Her** reputation. Even you, little one. Everything **she** had. And after I was done, I buried **her** deep enough to no one ever find **her**!"

Jennifer's voice transports absolute certainity and suddenly Liara is feeling a strange hollowness inside her. The same feeling she had after Alchera in the moment she looked into the last, empty escape pod. Her eyes are stinging with the first tears, but a surge of stubborness makes her want to fight. It couldn't be true!

"I don't believe you. WHERE IS JANE?"

The clone doesn't even blink, but grabs something inside her pocket. Holding its chain with two fingers, she swings a small piece of jewelry in front of her eyes. Liara swallows heavily. It is a golden locket. The golden locket. The present she gave Jane just before the red-haired woman proposed to her.

Reaching down, Jennifer opens the small clasps and Jane's favorite piano song fills the air. Liara's lips start trembling. Jane would never give it away willingly... Noticing another detail, she feels the stream of tears breaking loose. Bloodstains. All over the picture of herself inside it.

The song seems to do something with Jennifer. After the last chords faded away, she closes the locket carefully and places it on the sheets besides her. Gathering her thoughts, Jennifer takes her time to start talking again. When she does, her voice is soft and soothing. The trace of hate seems to be gone.

"She put up a good fight, little one. Even after she was wounded. Half a dozend of my men had her at gunpoint when I took your trinket from her, but I... I underrestimated her and walked away. She managed to escape and hunt me down, just to get it back. It was important to her. You were important to her. In the end, the last thing I heard her screaming was your name... I think I can comprehend why..."

The words are draining her of every energy she has left and she's almost collapsing as her body is shaken by a first sharp sob. She feels Jennifer's hands holding her upright, pulling her into a horribly familiar hug. A part of her wants to hurt the woman for what she has done, but the feeling of familiar strong arms closing around her is extinguishing the spark of resolve quickly and she is pressing her body into them in an almost desperate manner. It couldn't be true...

Even Jennifer's scent is the same. But she is not Jane. Her fiancee dead... It couldn't be true. Strong hands start stroking her back and she notices a soft peck being placed on top of her crest.

"Shhh, it's ok, little one, I'm here..."

It couldn't be true! Whimpering against the woman's shoulder she tries again, hoping to get another answer this time.

"W-Where is J-Jane? Where is t-the woman I l-love?"

The clone's hands are reaching out behind Liara's back. After a few seconds, she finally feels the handcuffs loosening their grip and pulls her hands forward quickly, only to curl up into a ball the next moment. Jennifer seems to throw the handcuffs into a corner of the room, but Liara doesn't care. The red-haired woman's next reassuring words however are stinging right into her heart, ripping it into shreds with their brutal simplicity.

"Jane is dead, little one. I killed her one hour ago. It's ok..."

Liara is starting to snievel and rocks her body back and forth. Touching the ring on her finger, the hollowness inside her starts becoming painful. Jane dying a few hours after their proposal... it couldn't possibly true... Jennifer's fingers caressing her crest with soothing strokes and the womans next soft words are almost enough to push her over the edge to insanity.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you. And I'll love you just like she did, I promise. And you'll love me..."

Sniffling against the woman's chest and through the suffocating shroud of sorrow, Liara suddenly is feeling only determination.

 _Never._

"Never!"

Jennifers hand reaches the bottom of her crest extension and starts to tickle them softly.

"You will. There is no reason you shouldn't. I'm just like her. I'm her!"

"Your nothing but a copy..."

The tickling fingers stop and she feels the clone's body tensing up. Apparently she has touched a sore spot...

The next moment Jennifer is closing her horribly strong fingers around the crest extension she just caressed with a brutal, unyielding grip. The compression of the sensible body part is sending a wave of radiating pain through her body and Liara has to surpress a loud scream by gritting her teeth. She flinches back in an attempt to escape her captor's hand, but the clone is retaining her with terrifying strength and uses her other hand to shackle Liara's wrists. Pulling at her crest, Jennifer is forcing her to look up, right into her bloodshot emerald eyes. The expression of pure rage on the familiar freckled face is almost worse than the pain.

"You will! We'll be happy and we'll have just what you had with her!"

The clone's voice is both filled with desperation and frustration. Still gritting her teeth, Liara is just shaking her head, both as a gesture of denial and to escape the cruel grip. Holding her easily, Jennifer is just tightening the grip around her crest further.

"Say it!"

The intensified pressure forces a choked whimper out of her chest. Tensing every muscle in her body in an attempt to fight the pain, Liara suddenly is feeling freezingly cold and her lips are trembling. But she wouldn't betray Jane.

"N-No!"

"I took her place in every other way!"

Without loosing her grip, Jennifer remains quiet for several moments and the expression of desperate loneliness in the clone's eyes is getting almost unbearable. Despite being in pain, seeing these kind of feelings in those familiar emerald eyes makes Liara wish to reach out and comfort the red-haired woman, just like she would do it with Jane...

Glistening tears are running down her blue cheeks. Could it be true? The bone-chilling cold starts to numb her body, banishing every feeling but the pulsating sting in her crest. Jennifer's next whispered words are sending shivers over Liara's skin. They are filled with heart breaking desire.

"Kiss me, little one. Kiss me, like you would have kissed her."

Liara just opens her mouth to whimper in protest, when she starts hearing a familiar, soft voice in her head. Jane.

 _"It's okay. You don't have to bear the pain for me, Bluebird..."_

 _"But..."_

 _"I'm dead, Bluebird. It's okay..."_

 _"No! Jane, she's lying..."_

 _"..."_

 _"She's lying!"_

 _"..."_

Shuddering as the movement causes a distant sting at her crest, Liara is shaking her head decisively. No, it couldn't be true!

The next moment, she is screaming at the top of her voice. Jennifer, infuriated by her defiance, is closing her hand with brutal force, using all of her terrifying strenght in an excruciating squeeze that causes Liara's body to twitch uncontrollably. Looking up through a shroud of tears, Liara notices something in Jennifer's eyes she has never seen in those familiar emeralds before: a spark of insanity. Panicing at the sight, she tries to pull herself out of the grip again, but the red-haired soldier's superior physique is unscalable. Jennifer, apparently in bloodrage, is shouting into Liara's pain-twisted face.

"KISS ME!"

Her resolve is broken. She can't bear the pain any longer, but she can't betray Jane neither. Reduced to high-pitched whimpers, her voice is barely audible as she starts begging.

"P-Please... p-please s-stop... p-please..."

It is impossible to say if it's because of hearing Liara's shaking voice or the sound of the opening maglock, but the clone is releasing her hands. Liara is barely noticing the expression of pure horror on the red-haired woman's face in front of her.

As soon as her tormentor drops the grip around her crest extension, she is crawling towards the far corner of the bed hurrily. Curling herself up into a tight ball, she cries uncontrollably and soon her chest is shaken by sharp sobs. If possible, the pain in her crest is even increasing as the blood returns into the bruised cartilage. Her body is twitching in the aftershocks, but her despair is even more painful. Jane didn't protect her...

Jennifer seems to be shocked.

"L-Little one, I-I'm s-sorry, I... I didn't mean..."

The red-haired woman is interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. Feeling a short surge of hope, Liara is taking a brief glance towards the door, but the sight of a dark-skinned woman's shape is disheartening her. It's not Jane. She is still alone.

A wave of cverwhelming helplessness is forcing new sobs out of her chest. Pressing her face into the sheets, she starts whining forcefully.

Apparently the foreign woman isn't startled of the sight in front of her. On the contrary. The malice and amusement in her voice is scaring Liara. Jennifer however is strangly defensive, considering what she just did to her.

"Having fun with your new pet, Jenn?"

 _"_ Shut up, Hope..."

"Doesn't seem to like you, hu? Well, you'll have more than enough time to..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Still crying, Liara flinches involuntarily at Jennifer's outcry, but something different is sending chills down her spine. The other woman's horrible words are haunting her. The thought of staying in captivity...

 _Goddess... No! Please, no no no no..._

Her two captors seem to take a few steps away from the bed, but she is hardly listening. Liara simply doesn't care. But then Jennifer is saying something that is frightening her.

"What do you want?"

"Alliance docking control wants to see Spectre authorisation, otherwise they won't leave us alone. If you'd be so kind... "

"Yeah, I'll be right there. Just give me a minute..."

 _Oh Goddess, she's coming back!_

"As you wish. I'll be waiting at the elevator..."

Hope is leaving the room, but Jennifer seems to step closer. Freezing in fear, Liara holds the breath and squinches her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry, little one. I lost control and... Listen, I'll be busy for a few hours, but when I'm finished, I'll come back and we'll have a new start, okay?"

The clone seems to expect an answer, but Liara just starts whimpering again. The declaration of Jennifer's return is terrifying her even more. After waiting some moments, the clone is finally sighing in defeat and leaves the cabin securing the door behind her.

The maglock's short beep has something cruel. She is trapped. Trapped and alone. Helpless.

Ignoring the pounding ache in her crest, she grabs one of the pillows and buries her face in it. Her fiancee's scent is still lingering in the soft fabric and reminds her of Jennifer's cruel words.

* * *

 _"W-Where is J-Jane? Where is t-the woman I l-love?"_

 _"Jane is dead, little one. I killed her one hour ago. It's ok..."_

* * *

It couldn't be true! But... Jane didn't protect her. Maybe...

Fresh tears are moistening her cheeks. Exhausted by physical and mental pain, she is placing a short kiss onto her ring, Jane's last present, and falls asleep.


	9. Spes inter spinas

**Only a short chapter today. I'm hoping there are any readers left after my last chapter... And for the record: I'm considering the possibility to rewrite "Gemini inter spinas". I'm not entirely content with it myself...**

* * *

The message of Jane's death left Liara utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally, and her tortured mind escapes into a sound and heavy sleep. Curled up between the sheets and bathed in the dancing lights of the fishtank, her dreaming body is looking almost peaceful.

But her cheeks are moist with the still streaming tears and her eyes are moving rapidly behind closed lids. Even asleep Liara is pressing her engagement ring towards her lips and mumbles her fiancee's name towards the single diamond on the silvery band.

Strangly the dream haunting her is not an entirely uncomfortable one.

 _ **She is sitting on a bench in the middle of her favorite park in Armali.**_

 _ **The sun is shining out of a cloudless sky and a soft breeze whispers in the crown of the trees around her. It is a beautiful day.**_

 _ **After the last busy months, Liara is glad to finally have some time to relax. Writing the final book of her trilogy about the Reaper War has been a huge challenge and she is feeling... drained, now that it's finished. Too many unpleasant memories are linked to that time, and revoking them is still painful. Remembering all the sleepless nights of work during the writing process, she's moaning softly and lays the datapad in her hand aside.**_

 _ **She earned some lazy time.**_

 _ **Looking around, the sight of two children is attracting her attention and a small smile appears on her lips. The little asari are digging in the grass passionately, throwing huge chunks of crumbly soil besides in the cause. Liara chuckles quietly. A long time ago a small, slightly nerdy girl did just the same thing at the same park, spending time together with her mother...**_

 _ **The loss of Benezia still hurts, but, she doesn't know when it's started, Liara now is remembering primarily the good times they had together. They still have a bittersweet touch, sure. But she doesn't feel guilty anymore...**_

 _ **After some time, the humming sound of a skycar flying above her is directing her thoughts towards another memory.**_

 _ **Liara is lifting her right hand involuntarily and looks at the ring on her finger with unseeing eyes. It seems to be a lifetime ago she got this sign of love... Her mind is wandering towards a particular day on the Citadel and a small island at the Presidium.**_

 _ **Sighing deeply, she looks up into the blue sky. Blissful hours between all the terrors of the Reaper War...**_

 _ **It was telling for this time that one of her best moments was followed by one of her worst shortly afterwards.**_

 _ **"Don't think about it! She is gone..."**_

 _ **Whispering her mantra, she is rubbing the silvery band with her thumb rapidly.**_

 _ **Finally Liara is able to push the dark clouds in her mind away, but they leave a horribly familiar hollowness behind...**_

 _ **Craving for comfort, she decides to call her father. Her fingers are already hovering above her omnitool, when she shakes her head defiantely. Aethyhta would be busy at the moment, for sure...**_

 _ **Her heart is jumping as she feels a sudden surge of proudness at the thought of her father. Finally accepting her role as a matriarch, Aethyhta became one of the most respected leaders and advisors to their people quickly. And now, with Tevos vacating her position in a few weeks, it was even possible that she would be elected as the next asari councilor...**_

 _ **Liara is snickering in amusement. Tevos choice of a bonding partner was very... unexpected. A minor scandal even, but Liara would follow their invitation of taking part in the ceremony nevertheless...**_

 _ **The heartwarming sound of laughing children is ripping her out of her thoughts gently, and she focuses her attention back to the little girls. Apparently the two are no longer interested in digging a hole into the ground. Grinning broadly, Liara watches them playing with the dirt they piled up, using their little blue hands to build something resembling the form of a starship.**_

 _ **Made curious, she is narrowing her eyes to slits and takes a closer look. The shape is strangly familiar, but she can't quite identify it...**_

 _ **She is just about to stand up and take a few steps towards the two children, when she feels a horrible wet tongue licking the tip of one of her crest extensions. Yelping in surprise, she is jumping to her feet and wheels around, pressing her right hand to her pounding heart frightendly.**_

 _ **Noticing the source of the prank that nearly gave her a heart attack, Liara is frozen in place. Her heart is suddenly pounding even faster, but not out of fright.**_

 _ **The woman in front of her has a smug smirk on her freckled face and is chuckling softly at the sight of Liara's astonishment, but her emerald eyes are full of love and devotion.**_

 _ **With a happy outcry she is closing the distance between them with quick steps and grabs a handful of her wife's red hair to pull her into a hungry kiss. The human woman follows the unspoken invitation immediately and their lips meet to satisfy their irresistable craving.**_

 _ **Embracing the other half of her soul, Liara is getting lost in the moment, moaning softly as the woman is closing her arms around her to stroke her back with slow soothing motions.**_

 _ **She doesn't break the kiss until her lungs are burning for air and even then she places little pecks all over the red-haired woman's jawline.**_

 _ **After a long time, Liara finally takes a step back and cups the red-haired woman's face with her left hand. Looking deep into her green eyes, she is using her thumb to caress her wife's cheek and trace some of the freckles, a gesture of affection that is rewarded with a content purr immediately.**_

 _ **Liara is just opening her mouth to say something, but all of a sudden she is interrupted by a whirlwind of blue arms and legs tackling the woman in front of her.**_

 _ **"Daddy!"**_

 _ **Laughing at the gushing excitement of her daughters, her wife is lifting the two little asari with strong hands and hugging them tightly, a picture so adorable, Liara can't help herself but place another tender kiss onto the woman's lips. Their children are starting to giggle uncontrollably and the elder one of them squeaks awkwardly.**_

 _ **"Mommy, that's gross!"**_

 _ **Smiling happily, she is breaking the kiss and reaches out with her hands to tickle her daughter's heads affectionally. After placing a fond peck on each of their smooth crests, Liara looks up into two shining emeralds.**_

 _ **"What happened? I didn't expect you to come back befo-..."**_

 _ **Her wife interrupts her mid-sentence with a quick kiss and an impish grin appears on the woman's face.**_

 _ **"Don't be silly, Bluebird. I'm always coming back."**_

Despite her still streaming tears, a small smile appears on Liara's lips and her sleeping body seems to relax. Not noticing the sound of the Normandy's starting engines, her mind is drifting into another dream quickly.

Even the distant noise of desperate firefights a few minutes later are not enough to startle her out of Sleep's soothing arms...

* * *

"Look at you. What makes you so damn special?"

The clone's voice is full of hate, but Jane barely notices the words. She is too busy trying to clamp on the Normandy's freight ramp. The remains of her summer dress, ripped into shreds after hours of chasing the clone and searching Liara, are fluttering loudly in the freezingly cold airstream beneath her and she has goosebumps all over her body. But the slight discomfort is nothing compared to the torturing pain she is feeling in her wounded left shoulder and her fingers. Especially the fingers.

Gritting her teeth Jane tries to ignore another surge of pain, caused by sharp edges cutting into her bare hands. It is her own weight that pulls her flesh deeper into the metal. Gravity is a bitch...

Taking a glimpse at her evil clone, caught in the same situation, she is growling in frustration.

 _She's wearing my goddamn hardsuit, gloves included..._

Her fingers are loosing hold of another inch and she struggles to find a new grip. When she finally does, the following hitch is causing another wave of pain radiating through her arms. A slight hint of panic enters her mind as she recogizes a slippery feeling at her fingertips. Blood. The best lubricant in the whole damn galaxy...

 _Memo to myself: Fighting crazy cunts at a brink is fucking stupid. Noted?_

Her clone, however, continues to talk big. A trace of bitterness is coating her next words.

"Why you and not me? I could make her happy as well!"

 _Wait... What?!_

Jane needs some time to comprehend the meaning behind the last sentence. As soon as she does, she is feeling a surge of pure rage. Forgetting the pain for a second, she turns her head and barks one word.

"Never!"

Struggling to keep a grip by herself, the clone doesn't answer but gives her a hateful glimpse, an expression so dreadful, it is sending shivers over Jane's skin.

 _Damn, hopefully I'll never hate someone like this!_

Remembering what her clone has done, however, she is tempted to reconsider her first impulse.

 _Well, for her I could make an exception..._

Finally the blood at her fingertips seems to be her undoing. Her hands are slowly gliding over the rough surface and every inch she looses is bringing her closer towards the abyss beneath her. Forming her fingers into claws, she tries to find solid grip again desperately. She couldn't possible die by falling from her own ship...

Just one second later, heavy footsteps are overtuning the roaring airstream behind her and a familiar voice shouts one of the most pointless encouragements she has ever heard. James. Of course.

"Hang on, Lola!"

 _Yeah, sure..._

"We have you!"

Strong hands are grabbing her wrists and pull her back to safe ground. Her legs are shaking, but she somehow she manages to stand upright despite of that. Too close...

Inhaling heavily she is trying to calm her pounding heart, which is perfectly synchronized to the pulsating pain in her hands. Finally she is catching enough breath to whisper a single word.

"Thanks."

Garrus gives her a light pat on the back. His usual so stoic face seems to be slightly concerned. At least she's interpreting his rapidly twitching mandibles as concern. She has never been a true expert in reading turian body language...

James of all people is it who remains sober-minded.

"What about Lola del loco? You know, the clone chick..."

Looking at the red mop of hair beneath her, Jane has the sudden urge to just kick her off the freight ramp. To punish her clone for abducting Liara. Kill her. But...

"Goddammit!"

Cursing through gritted teeth, she bends down and reaches out. Fucking empathy. One part of her still hates the clone, but the other part feels sorry for a woman that has nothing, not even a purpose in life.

"Here. Take my hand."

Still trying to get a better grip, the clone is lifting her head and hateful, bloodshot eyes are looking right into Jane's shining emeralds.

"And then?"

 _Stupid bitch!_

"And then you live!"

"FOR WHAT?"

Outcrying with tearful eyes, the clone's voice is trembling with emotions. Her last words are full of regret.

"Tell the little one I'm sorry. I wished..."

Shaking her head in defeat, the clone opens her grip and then, falling down towards the Citadel hundreds of meters beneath them, she is gone.

Jane herself is shaking her head in disbelief, not aware of the fact she is mimicing the clone's gesture exactely, and stares towards the spot where her 'twin' just died.

 _That could have been me..._

The realisation is almost physically painful. Jane herself has tasted the bitter cup of desperation more than once...

 _Without Liara..._

Suddenly her head bobs up.

"Liara!"

Whispering her fiancee's name, she starts to run towards the elevator quickly, ignoring Garrus' and James' shouted warnings deliberately. She simply doesn't care. If there was any merc still alive left onboard, gods be with him if he would stand between her and Liara...

* * *

 **The last sentence of Liara's dream is for everyone who even considered the possibility of Jane's death. Come on guys, seriously? Jennifer replacing Jane?**


	10. Shockwaves

**Sorry for the delay. I had some creative problems after I rewrote my original draft for "Gemini inter spinas". The version published made it impossible for me to follow my planned storyline, and I noticed it too late. After some thinking time and great help from Desert Sunrise, I decided to rewrite "Gemini inter spinas" following my original draft, even if most of you propably won't like it. It's... depressing.**

 **For those of you who liked the first version published: I safed it under it's draft name: "The loving clone".  
**

 **IMPORTANT: Followers and recurring visitors should re-read the second half of Chapter 8: "Gemini inter spinas" (starting with the scene the clone is revealing her identity) before reading this.** **The things added/changed to it's plot are important for all future chapters!**

* * *

 _ **"Don't be silly, Bluebird. I'm always coming back."**_

 _"I'm always coming back to you, Bluebird."_

 _Always._

"Jane..."

Murmuring her fiancee's name, Liara is drifting out of her dreams slowly. Still caught in the wonderful pictures, her body is ignoring the pulsating burn in her crest and the distant sting in her sore shoulder blade. The dream was pleasantly beautiful. A future without fear or pain...

Moaning softly, Liara is opening her swollen lids slowly. At first, her mind is troubling to process the blurry scenery in front of her eyes, but a few moments later, her whole body is tensing up.

 _It was just a dream. I'm still in our quarters. Still helpless..._

Her puffy eyes suddenly wide open, Liara is feeling a surge of fear pressing her heart into a tight grip, banishing the last shrouds of sleep at an instant.

Rolling herself over in the bed, she is taking a searching look around, then sighs in relief. The door is locked and, except for herself, there is no one else in the cabin. Her captor did not come back. Yet.

But she would return, continuing where she stopped. Blinking rapidly, Liara is staring towards the sheets with unseeing eyes.

 _She almost made me kiss her. A part of me even wanted to do it, wanted to end the pain..._

The realisation is making Liara hate herself and feel weak, although she knows deep inside her, that it was not the sheer brutality of Jennifer's attack alone that overwhelmed her; it was this horrible similiarity to her fiancee. For a moment, it was not the clone hurting her but Jane herself, and that made the situation unbearable. Liara had been seconds away from giving in to Jennifer's demands, when this other woman entered the cabin to interupt the clone's bloodrage...

Something buggers Liara. All that she had seen from the woman through her tearful eyes was a blurry shape, but it was strangly familiar, as was the womans voice.

 _I know her, but where from? And this strange name... Hope. Almost like a cruel joke..._

Shuddering at the thought, Liara is curling herself up into a tighter ball and uses her fingers to stroke Jane's engagement ring softly. Jane gone... It couldn't be true! Nothing, not even death could stop Jane from coming back to her. Death **did** not stop her! Her fiancee would rescue her. In the end, Jane would walk through this doors and keep her safe. She has to, or else...

Noticing a lump in her throat, Liara is swallowing heavily and strokes her ring with more force. The foreign woman's words left no doubt what her destiny would be otherwise. A slave, slowly broken by Jennifer's cruel hands...

Suddenly she is feeling stinging tears in the corners of her sapphire eyes. Lifting her hand hesitatingly, Liara is touching her aching crest extension, only to inhale sharply and flinch back from it the next second. Distant aftershocks of the torture are radiating through her whole body and a single tear drop is rolling down her blue cheek.

What happened left Liara shattered. She is used to the pain of battle injuries, but Jennifer's attack a few hours ago has been the first time somebody hurting her with the only purpose of breaking her resolve. And it almost has been a success. Terribly strong fingers holding one of her most sensible body parts in a squeezing grip... Suddenly Liara is feeling freezingly cold again. Enduring it while looking into those terrifying emerald eyes... She couldn't bear it another time!

Hoping it would banish the memory, Liara is placing a short kiss onto Jane's ring. The things the clone said...

 _No! Jane promised..._

Pressing her lips together, she is shaking her head defiantly. It couldn't be true; Jane was not gone! She would come and safe her before the clone could hurt her another time. But until then, she had to stay strong. Maybe she could even safe herself...

Encouraged by the thought, Liara is lifting her right hand and concentrates on creating a small singularity in her palm, but the drugs in her system are obviously still active and nothing happens. She growls frustrated. It would have been too easy.

Closing her eyes, Liara tries to think of other possible ways to defend herself. Propably with something in the cabin...

Shaking her head sadly, she is fighting down another wave of helplessness. No, there would be nothing. Jane had been absolutely adamant on the topic of making their personal quarters a weapon-free enviroment, moving even the contents of her armor locker down to the retrofitted armory months ago. To create space for Liara's clothes...

Another wave of heat is stinging in her eyes, but she doesn't allow the tears to break free. Liftening herself up into a half-sitting position, Liara takes another glance around. Maybe she could find some kind of make-shift weapon before...

The soft 'woosh' of the opening doors is turning her inner self into ice in an instant. It was too late! Her heart rate is jumping up immediately and she looks around panicky, searching for a place to hide, but there was nothing that could protect her. If it's Jennifer who...

 _Goddess, it's her!_

Outcrying in terror at the sight of a horribly familiar red-haired woman running into the room, Liara is crawling over the bed hurrily to press herself into the far corner of the room. Jennifer is back. Curled up into a ball, Liara is whimpering frightently as she notices quick footsteps coming closer. Jane hasn't been fast enough. The clone would hurt her again... Whispering with broken voice, Liara starts rocking her body back and forth.

"P-Please, n-no...p-please...n-no-no-no..."

Breathing heavily, the woman seems to bend down to her. The sudden touch of a terrifying strong hand at her shoulder is sending shivers over Liara's skin and she produces another whimper while pressing herself tighter against the wall, making herself as small as possible. The suffocating shroud of fear is almost blocking Jennifer's words out of her mind. The clone's voice is just as soft and caring as in the moments seconds before she started hurting Liara.

"Shhh, it's okay, Bluebird, it's over..."

 _W-What?_

Her terrified mind has problems processing the simple words. It couldn't possibly be...? A slight hint of hope is building inside her. The soothing strokes at her shoulder are calmingly familiar and the hands are not hurting her. Yet. What if this is just another one of Jennifer's tricks?

Liftening her head slowly, Liara winces back at the sight of two bloodshot emerald eyes looking down to her. Her mouth produces another whimper. She knows these eyes. Meanwhile the woman's voice is getting a desperate undertone and the womans hand starts stroking her shoulder reassuringly.

"Liara, it's me, Jane! It's okay, she's gone..."

Looking up again, Liara is feeling a heavy lump in her throat. Could it possibly be true? Swallowing heavily, she takes a glance over the woman's body, but the result is only confusing her. Hope and despair are changing places inside her rapidly.

The woman in front of her is injured. A gunshot wound on her left collarbone is glistening with medigel and the terrifying hands are scarred and bloody. She is wearing the ripped shreds of a once stunning anthracite summer dress. Obviously the woman had to fight for her life just minutes ago... Maybe in the cause of defeating the evil clone? The rest...

A messy mop of red hair, a little shorter than shoulder-length. Just like Jane's.

 _Jennifer could have cut it..._

Shining emeralds, filled with devotion, love and concern. Just like Jane's. But Jennifer shares her fiancee's green eyes, freckled face and muscular body. The clone tricked her once...

Liara also notices some familiar pale scars on the womans face and forearms, but they could be a disguise, too. There was only one way to know the truth. One distinct mismatch...

Reaching out with trembling fingers, Liara is just about to touch the woman's freckled cheek, when she suddenly is hesitating. What if it's Jennifer?

 _Oh Goddess, please..._

A soft whimper is escaping her lips as she is closing the last inches between them.

The moment her fingertips are stroking smooth flesh, Liara flinches back immediately and stares at the woman in front of her wide eyed. Opening her trembling lips, her whispered word is barely audible.

"J-Jane?"

The tingling sensation in her fingertips is proof enough, but the shock and the sudden swirling carousel of emotions are stunning her. Jane came back..

Liftening herself up on her shaking legs, her vision is suddenly blurring.

Her fiancee swallows and nods, a loving smile on her lips. Taking one step back to give her enough space until she is standing upright, Jane opens her arms to pull Liara into a protective hug. It's a picture she was hoping for since the clone showed her true face. But now the sight of the woman she loves is shattering... something inside Liara. Jane came back...

Stumbling forward into Jane's arms, Liara's body is suddenly shaken with the first sharp sobs and she starts beating her fiancee's chest weakly while stuttering accusations with trembling voice.

"W-Why didn't you protect me? Why didn't you F-FUCKING protect me?!"

Usually Liara is never using any swear words, but now the word seems terribly insufficiant to describe the chaos inside her. Relief, Anger and the memories of what she had to endure are overwhelming her and, ignoring her sore shoulder, she starts pounding against Jane's chest faster and faster. Her face is glistening with a neverending stream of tears and she barely is noticing the expression of pure guilt on her fiancee's face as she screams at her.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME B-BEHIND? W-WHY? I... I thought... s-she... she s-said..."

Her voice breaks and she is collapsing into Jane's arms. The emotional outburst drained her of every energy she had left. Crying uncontrollably against Jane's shoulder, she is releasing all the despair, pain and doubts of the last ours into the embrace of the other half of her soul. At first her fiancee seems to struggle with her words, but then she is placing a short kiss on the top of Liara's crest and whispers softly.

"Shhh, it's over... I'm sorry, Bluebird, I'm so sorry..."

Jane's voice is heavy with emotions, but the red-haired woman is obviously controlling herself, pulling herself together to be strong for Liara. Closing her arms around Jane's body, Liara is feeling the tense muscles in her fiancee's back and the bloodstained shreds of that once beautiful summer dress beneath her fingertips, an unmistakable reminder of what could have happened. Jane herself is pulling her even tighter into the hug and starts stroking her back with slow, soothing motions. The tender gesture is forcing even more sobs out of her chest as she feels a surge of pure relief. It was over...

"S-She said... She s-said you w-were dead and..."

Stuttering between her sobs, Liara is trying to express her feelings, but another stream of tears is silencing her quickly. From one moment to another, Jane's soothing hands at her back seem to hesitate, but shortly afterwards they are proceeding with even more emphasis. Her head rested on the woman's chest, Liara is feeling her fiancee's heart pounding faster. Jane's breasts are lifting briefly as the red-haired woman is gulping back her first sob.

"I promised, Bluebird, I promised!... I promised..."

The broken whispers are causing a new wave of sobs in Liara's chest.

* * *

 _"I spent two years mourning you and it almost destroyed me. Tomorrow you're leaving again and... Goddess!... I... I can't..."  
_

 _"Shhh, it's okay. I'm always coming back to you, Bluebird. No matter what happens, I'm always coming back..."  
_

* * *

Remembering the moment back over Hagalaz, she comprehends that she never fully believed her fiancee's ultimate declaration of love. It was just... too big.

Calming down slowly, Liara's sharp sobs are turning into soft sniffels. Meanwhile Jane is continuing with her efforts to comfort her, still stroking her back and whispering these magic words.

"...Bluebird, I promised... I promised..."

Liara never believed them. Until now.

Right now the truth behind the words is warming every single molecule of her body. Jane would always come back to her...

Liara is getting lost in the moment, still crying in delight and held by her fiancee's strong arms. Minutes are passing without one of them moving.

"Commander, we're just docking at Alliance drydock. Karin is waiting, accompanied by a security team. You know, to take our prisoner into custody and replace guards that got KIA. Damn, let's hope these guys do a better job in keeping my baby save... I'm already pissed about that thing with EDI and..."

"Got it, Joker! Tell the doc to meet us at the medbay. We'll be waiting there."

Flinching involuntarily at the interruption, Liara can't help but pull herself tighter into the freckled arms holding her.

A moment later Jane is placing another soft peck on the top of her crest, murmuring her next word with barely moving her lips away from her blue skin.

"Can you walk? Doc Chakwas should take a look at your shoulder. And your crest doesn't look good, either..."

Jane's mention of the badly swollen body part is reminding her of the pulsating pain in it. Her face still buried in Jane's chest, Liara is lifting her fingers to touch the sensitive area, but Jane grabs her arm, using gentle force to hold her back. Her fiancee's voice suddenly has a strange, neutral undertone.

"These bruises, they... they have the shape of fingers..."

Liara doesn't say anything but is biting her lip. She is not able to speak about Jennifer yet. The very thought is too terrifying. But a single whimpering sound escaping her lips is betraying her emotions nevertheless and Jane's body is tensing up immediately.

"She's gone, Bluebird. She can't hurt you anymore... Come on, I'll carry you..."

Jane is just shifting her position to place a supporting hand at the asari's legs, when Liara is remembering something important.

"Wait..."

Whispering the single word with a voice she is barely recognizing as her own, Liara breaks contact with her fiancee and stumbles towards the bed. After searching for it briefly, she finds Jane's trinket at just the place Jennifer left it behind. Of course. Grabbing it, her fingers are scratching on the dried blood involuntarily and for a moment she gets lost in her thoughts. Was it really only hours ago she gave this present to Jane?

Swallowing heavily, she is forcing her attention back to the present time and wheels around, hurrying back into Jane's arms quickly. Her fiancee is lifting her with strong arms gently, carrying her like a child towards the elevator and Liara nuzzles her head against Jane's shoulder happily. Everything would be all right again.

Jane calls the elevator and places another short kiss on the side of Liara's crest. The gesture of affection causes a feeling of radiating warmth inside Liara. Jane would keep her safe...

Smiling lovingly, she looks up, touching her fiancee's freckled cheek with caring fingers. The woman's still tense expression softens immediately and Jane bows her head down into a tender kiss, igniting Liara's soul with the familiar spark and relaxing her body.

However, after the first sensation is over, Liara suddenly has the feeling that something is very... wrong. Her heart rate is jumping up and her chest is painfully tight.

 _What in the name of the goddess...?!_

Opening her eyes wide in shock, she is realising the reason for her panic attack. Without a doubt, it is Jane kissing her; the pleasantly tingling sensation at her lips and the aura of security is proof enough.

But, for one moment, Liara felt the ghostly touch of Jennifer, kissing her blue lips...


	11. Aftershocks

After carrying Liara towards the medbay, Jane has settled her fiancee onto one of the beds quickly. Still trying to keep the emotional chaos inside her under control, Jane just sat besides Liara in silence, holding the asari's hand and stroking the blue skin.

They haven't waited for long, when Dr. Chakwas finally arrived. The old woman seemed to be startled at first, but at soon as she stood besides the waiting couple, her face took a stoic, professional expression and Jane sighed in relief. The doctor would be able to help Liara, just like she has helped Jane with her problems numerous times.

Dr. Chakwas first words however, the firm order to leave her with Liara alone, have been enough to flare Jane's anger immediately.

"NO WAY!"

Unimpressed by her commander's outcry, the doctor is using gentle force to push Jane towards the medbay's doors.

"I well know you don't want to leave her, but the only way of helping her right now, is allowing me to do my work. And I **have** to examine her in private."

"But..."

"I'll make it quick, I promise, my dear."

Opening her mouth speechlessly, Jane waves a glance towards Liara, hoping her fiancee would assist her, but the asari is deliberately staring at her suddenly very interesting digits.

It's a shy gesture she didn't watch her fiancee do since Liara's early days on the original Normandy. The sight shatters... something inside Jane and a suffocating wave of helplessness is overwhelming her. For the first time in her life, Jane has absolutely no idea what to do. Slouching her shoulders, she has even more problems ignoring the stinging heat in the corners of her eyes.

In the meantime, Dr. Chakwas is guiding her out of the room gently. Taking a last look back, Jane is loosing trace of Liara as soon as the doctor closes the door and activates the privacy seals.

Her hands are suddenly trembling and a horribly familiar high-pitched noise is filling her ears. Inhaling deeply, Jane tries to ignore the unmistakable signs of another breakdown. It's a fight she is about to loose quickly.

 _No!_

Gritting her teeth defiantely, she makes a fist and punches the medbay's door with enough force to split her knuckles open in an instant. The distant pain in her hand is actually enough to keep her sane for the moment. Long minutes are passing. Resting her tense shoulders against the wall behind her, Shepard is simply listening to the soft sound of her falling blood drops. Although her expression seems to be unnaturally calm, Jane's mind is caught in a torturing turmoil of emotions.

She has not been fast enough. Not strong enough. Despite all her cybernetic implants, she has been unable to protect the one she was supposed to protect. They were not even married yet, but she already failed Liara. How could her fiancee ever forgive her? She has been so afraid... What did they do to her?

Swallowing heavily, she punches the door again.

 _So close... So close to loosing her forever. If my fucking clone and it's allies..._

Shuddering at the thought, Jane is about to push some red bangs out of her vision, but suddenly she is freezing in the movement. Her clone may be gone, but according to Joker there is still someone left to take responsability for everything Liara had to endure...

Pushing herself upright, Shepard is rushing towards the elevator, getting even more infuriated with every step increasing the distance to the one she loves.

After a painfully slow ride, she is finally entering the hangar bay and notices a small crowd, standing at the open loading ramp. Garrus, Tali, James and Cortez are obviously watching the Alliance security team taking the prisoner into custody.

Noticing the identity of the last remaining abductor is enough to make Jane narrow her lids. She expected one of the mercs, but the woman in front of her is infuriating familiar.

The head of the snake. Maya Brooks.

The blue Alliance armor the dark-skinned woman is wearing doesn't help calming Jane's anger, too. On the contrary. Brooks is dishonoring the uniform with every breath and the very sight of it makes Jane feel physically sick.

Finally standing besides Garrus however, Jane's determination is wavering. Her own intentions are contrary to every oath she has sworn, too...

Just the moment Jane is about to turn around, Brooks is noticing her. The traitor's taunting words are full of malice.

"Commander Shepard, dismissing me in person... Part of you liked having me around, looking up to the legend, hu? We had some laughs..."

Shaking her head in disgust, Jane starts walking back to the elevator.

 _She's not worth it..._

"Maybe we'll have more someday. I know you'll miss me. In the meantime, you'll propably find some comfort with your little squid..."

The insult towards her fiancee is freezing Jane in place and from one moment to another her consuming hate is back. The sudden sting at the side of her face seems to be perfectly synchronized with her heart beats. Brooks however, isn't getting the clue.

"Sorry, if that thing's blue ass got some damage. Jenn has never been very... considerate with her toys. I'll be more patient. Promise."

The memory of Liara, curled up and frightened, is forcing a deep, predatory growl out of Jane's chest.

 _Screw it! I'll protect Liara, no matter the cost..._

Reaching out with her hand, Jane's voice is dangerously calm.

"Garrus, hand me your pistol."

"Shepard! No! You can't..."

Garrus' hand on Tali's shoulder is silencing the quarian's outburst quickly. The turian himself seems to be concerned, but he is placing the weapon into Jane's palm unhesitatingly. Her face is literally burning in pain, but Jane just grabs the gun and inspects the heat sink. Nodding contently, she turns around to look right into Brooks provoking eyes.

"You know, you're just like Je-..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Cut short by Jane's yelling, the dark-skinned woman is flinching involuntarily. Stepping closer, she notices a hint of fear in Brooks' eyes, but Jane is beyond graciousness.

"Brooks, I have to admit... Your plan was good. Even almost perfect... But you made one mistake:"

The pounding ache along her jawline is growing worse, but the red haze in her mind is muffling the sensation. Snapping her next words through gritted teeth, she takes aim.

"Nobody messes with my girl!"

The moment the cuffed woman is opening her mouth to say something, Jane pulls the trigger and one sharp bark resounds between the hangar bay's walls. Hit right into the heart, Brooks is already dead when her body is falling to the ground, a sight that fills Jane with a grim satisfaction.

A second later however, this feeling is replaced by pure horror. Horror about what she just did.

Barely noticing Tali's terrified scream and the startled faces around her, Jane just wheels around, heading towards the elevator. Throwing the still smoking pistol besides disgustingly, she enters the cabin, holding herself unnatural upright in the cause.

But as soon as the elevator doors are closed behind her, she is collapsing to the ground.

Something, propably one of her implants, is moving beneath her skin, igniting the left side of her face with a thousand freezing knifes slicing their way out. Pounding the floor with closed fists, Jane grits her teeth. She experienced attacks like that before, but never that intense...

The pain is getting unbearable quickly, and she has to bite the thick of her thumb to muffle a loud scream. Then, out of a sudden, it's over.

Lying on the ground, her body is still twitching as the soft 'bing' of the elevator notifies her of reaching it's destination.

"Goddammit..."

The whispered swear word lacks any form of vigor.

Liftening her fingers hesitatingly, Shepard touches her cheek and notices something wet. Blood.

Flinching slightly at the touch, she searches for the source and makes a frightening familiar find: A small cut, running down the length of her jaw. Just like the one she had after waking up in the Lazarus labs...

 _Shit! Doc Chakwas was right..._

Standing up with shaking legs, Jane wipes her face and pinches the bridge of her nose. It takes her several deep breaths until she is able to leave the cabin, the aftershocks still leaving her weak and exhausted.

But the gnawing feeling of guilt inside her is worse than every physical discomfort; the burden of failing Liara **and** loosing another part of her honor. She isn't sorry for killing Brooks, no. It's the 'how' that bothers her.

Her destination isn't able to distract her from that sentiment, too.

Sighing deeply, Jane is sitting down, resting her back against the wall just beneath the medbay's windows; the privacy seals are still active. The doc is still busy. Liara is still wounded. She is still helpless.

 _I shot an unarmed prisoner, just because I wanted to feel better... I'm a murderer. A monster, not better than my clone. The Butcher of Bahak. Genetics don't lie..._

For some time Jane gets lost in her dark thoughts, staring to the ground with unseeing eyes, until the sound of an opening maglock makes her jump. The doc is finished.

Dr. Chakwas is stepping out the room with an earnest expression on her face and Jane's hands start trembling again immediately.

"H-How is s-she? Is s-she a-alright?"

Stuttering nervously, Jane tries to enter the medbay, but Dr. Chakwas is holding her back with gentle force.

"Calm down, my dear, you'll see her soon. But we'll have to talk about a few things first..."

If possible, the words are making Jane feel even more startled. The doctor however, is grabbing Jane's arm and pulls her a few meters further away from the doors. Stopping in the midst of the mess hall, Dr. Chakwas takes a moment to gather her words. After taking a glance over Jane's face, the old woman knits her grey eyebrows, obviously noticing the new cut.

The silence starts getting unbearable for Jane. Her eyes are flickering towards the medbay repeatedly and she starts to bob up and down on her feet. The need to look after Liara is overwhelming her. Dr. Chakwas' voice suddenly interupting the silence is almost enough to make her jump.

"Don't worry Commander, she's in no danger. Physical trauma has been relatively minor; small lacerations at her right shoulder and some badly bruised cartilage. Nothing medigel can't handle, my dear. Additionally I've injected an antidote to neutralize the biotic blocker in her system and I'm going to put her under mild sedation for the rest of the night cycle."

Something about Dr. Chakwas tone is bugging Jane. Feeling a lump in her throat, she is swallowing weakly.

"But...?"

The old woman is scratching her chin pensively and stares right into Jane's emeralds.

"There might be some cosmetic damage at her crest. Cartilage injuries are very difficult to prognose, so we'll have to wait and observe alterations. However, it's the mental trauma I'm concerned about. She had to endure a lot..."

Shepard stumbles backwards, suddenly having trouble to stand upright at the thought of something unthinkable. Speaking it out loud is almost impossible.

"W-Was she... d-did my c-clone... Is..."

Understanding her question nevertheless, Dr. Chakwas is squeezing Jane's arm calmingly.

"No, my dear. According to my examinations and what she told me, she's been brutally violated, both physically and mentally, but she's not been raped. However, she had to fear that it might happen in the future..."

Jane steps forward towards the medbay hurrily. Craving to comfort Liara, she is surprised as Dr. Chakwas doesn't loose the grip on her forearm.

"Shepard, wait!"

"Goddammit, isn't it enough already?!"

Although Jane is snapping at her aggressively, the old woman's face softens. What happens next is baffling Shepard: Dr. Chakwas reaches out and cups one of Jane's cheeks with her hand, using her thumb to stroke her freckled skin. The solacing gesture causes stinging heat in the corners of Shepard's emerald eyes immediately, forcing her to shut her lids. After a few seconds the old woman is pulling her hand back, awkwardly clearing her throat in the cause.

"Sorry my dear, but there's more... Do you remember when we talked about flashbacks while treating your PTSD? It's the same concept. On a rational point, Liara well knows that it was the clone tormenting her. Her unconsciousness however... Well, the person deliberately hurting her **looked** like you and that could cause some... reactions."

Feeling like the last time James punched her into the guts, Shepard is growing pale. After swallowing repeatedly while staring down to her feet, she breaks the uncomfortable silence. Her alto-voice is thin and shaking.

"What I'm supposed to do? There must be some way to help her, right?"

Dr. Chakwas hand is twitching involuntarily, and for one moment Shepard wonders if the old woman would repeat her fond gesture. A part of Jane is even hoping for it, but the doctor is just clearing her throat again. Looking into Jane's emeralds empathically, she gives her medical recommendation with the typical firm, reassuring voice.

"As long as you're in the same room, maintain as much skin to skin contact as possible. If not, avoid surprising her. Beyond that, all you can do is being gentle and give her time. At some point, she'll be able to tell you everything on her own. And... no kissing."

 _What the f... Did the clone kiss her? Why didn't she..._

Angry with herself, Jane is battling down the brief pang of jealousy. The only thing important is helping Liara. Dr. Chakwas diagnosis leaves Shepard unable to speak, but the red-haired woman manages an acknowledging nod.

"Good, come with me. I'll still give her something to let her sleep, but you should have a few minutes."

Following the doctor's quick steps, Jane enters the medbay softfooted. Liara is still lying on her cot and stares towards the ceiling, but instead of her green science uniform she is only wearing simple underwear. The asari's crest and shoulder are heavily bandaged and an IV is leading to her left arm. Even from the distance Jane is able to notice the asari's puffy eyelids and slightly swollen nose. Obviously she has been crying again.

Dr. Chakwas is clearing her throat politely and Liara's head snaps around. What happens next is sending another wave of heat into her emerald eyes. The moment her fiancee is noticing Shepard, Liara is flinching involuntarily. One second later however, the asari regains self-control again and a loving smile appears on her lips. Jane's heart aches nevertheless. Liara being afraid of her...

 _Not you, dumbass. It's the fucking clone..._

Surpressing her raging feelings, Jane steps besides Liara's bed and lift one hand to stroke her fiancee's left hand. The moment her fingers are touching the bare skin, Liara grabs them with a firm squeeze. Her chest fluttering at the effort, Jane is gulping back a loud sob. In the corners of her eyes she watches Dr. Chakwas injecting something into the IV.

"Bluebird, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have..."

The grip around her fingers is tightening immediately.

"It's okay, Jane, I shouldn't have screamed at you like that... You came back. That's the only thing important. "

Jane is sitting down besides her fiancee hesitatingly. Her emerald eyes are stinging. Using sheer will, she is holding the tears back, but her voice is betraying her emotions despite of that.

"No, you had every right to say these things. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. It's my fault what happend and.."

A single tear is rolling down Liara's blue cheek, but she smiles lovingly as she lifts herself up into a half-sitting position to interrupt her.

"I love you, Jane."

Leaning forward, Jane is remembering Dr. Chakwas order and so she is placing a soft peck on Liara's cheek instead of her lips. To make up for the lack of intimacy, she starts stroking the cheek she just kissed with her free, trembling hand.

"I love you too, Liara."

They are sitting together in silence for some minutes. Shepard is craving to talk with Liara, but her fiancee remains quiet, just purring happily at Jane's caressing.

It takes only a few moments more and Jane is noticing her fiancee's lids grow heavy as the sedation kicks in. Just before Liara is closing her eyes completely, she opens her sapphires wide again and stares into the emeralds above her. The frightend undertone in Liara's sleepy voice is stinging right into Jane's heart.

"Will you... will you be here when I wake up?"

Gulping back another sob the red-haired woman lifts their still clutching fingers and places a peck on the back of the blue hand.

"Always."

Liara closes her eyes contently. Just before she is about to fall asleep, she starts murmuring softly.

"I had this wonderful dream... Remind me to tell you about the..."

Unable to finish her sentence as her mind drifts of into unconsciousness, Liara's body is relaxing visibly and her breaths become slow and regular.

The following minutes Shepard is just sitting there, holding her fiancee's hand while watching her sleep. Jane's shoulders are painfully tense, but she doesn't care. Suddenly however, she notices surprisingly strong fingers squeezing the strained muscles.

"It's okay, my dear, she's in deep sleep. You can let go now."

Shaking her head reluctantely, Jane tries to fight the heat in her eyes. Another lump in her throat is making it difficult to breath and her chest is shaken by choked sobs.

Dr. Chakwas steps forward to pull Jane's head to her chest, caressing the red mop of hair gently. The unexpected comfort is breaking down Shepard's last barriers quickly. All the feelings she surpressed during the last hours are bubbling to the surface, and from one moment to another, her freckled cheeks are moist with the first stream of tears. Crying silently, she is releasing all the concern, guilt and helplessness she's feeling.

After some time, the sobs are turning into soft sniffels and Jane can't help but notice she actually feels better. Reliefed. But also a little self-conscious.

"I'm sorry..."

Murmuring softly, Jane is breaking contact to the older woman, blushing as she notices the traces of her tears on the doctor's science uniform. Dr. Chakwas however is just squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

"Nothing to be sorry for, my dear. Now follow me, there's a cot with your name on it..."

"But..."

Jane's head bobs up defiantly, but the doctor cuts her short.

"You managed to make a mess out of yourself again, young lady, and I'll have to take care of that. Come on, you can use the one besides Liara, and I'll catch you some spare cloths."

While wiping away some of the tears, Jane is noticing dried blood on her scarred fingers. Dr. Chakwas is right, of course. Jane experiences a sudden surge of disgust about her battle-worn state and lifts herself up with a tired sigh. Stroking Liara's cheek softly a last time, she stumbles towards the next cot. Meanwhile the doctor is grabbing a clean gown and a tray with some medical supplies.

Pushing Jane down on the cot with gentle force, Dr. Chakwas starts cleaning the cuts on the red-haired woman's hands first. After having a look at the gunshot wound, the doctor is finally focusing her attention to the open scar. Dr. Chakwas' expression is getting concerned, wrinkling her eyebrows at the sight.

Jane has been quiet during the whole examination, too busy with sorting out her emotional turmoil while staring at Liara's peaceful shape. A short sting at the side of her face is forcing her attention towards the doctor, who is busy applying medigel to the wound. Gathering her thoughts, Jane swallows hesitatingly.

"Doc, do you... do you think she'll be alright again?"

Jane is hating her thin voice at this moment, but Dr. Chakwas' concentrated expression softens visibly. Stopping with her task, she gives Shepard a reassuring nod.

"Of course, my dear. Don't worry, she's strong, and together with you she will eventually recover from this experience. Speaking of which..."

The old woman grabs Jane's right with both hands, squeezing it firmly while staring right into her emeralds.

"Liara told me the two of you got engaged and... You've come such a way! When we met first, you've been almost still a girl, much to earnest for her young age, if you ask me. But then you met Liara and... I'm proud of you, Jane, proud of the woman you've become. You'll be a wonderful wife!"

Shepard's vision is suddenly blurring. Dr. Chakwas affectionate words are touching her deeply, warming her heart and banishing the shroud of dejection in an instant.

 _She never called me by my first name..._

Sniffling softly, she wipes her eyes and a strange mixture between sobbing and laughing escapes her chest as she notices the fresh tears on her face.

"Look at that! You made me cry again..."

Still trying to clean her face, Jane gives the older woman a sheepish smile.

"It... It means a lot. Thanks,... Karin."

Being called by her first name seems to have a similiar effect on Dr. Chakwas as it had on Jane, and the old doctor is wiping her moist eyes, too. But the sight of Liara's sleeping body behind her is distracting the red-haired woman for a moment. Would she be able to help Liara? Would she be able to be 'a wonderful wife'?

Karin seems to notice the concern in Jane's eyes and rips her out of her thoughts.

"She'll be fine, my dear. Trust me."

"Yeah, but... How?"

Wrinkling her eyebrows doubtfully, Jane wipes a few bangs of red hair away from her forhead. The doctor's expression and voice becomes earnest.

"I won't lie, it probably will be rough. Recovery could take weeks or even months and we're inmidst a conflict of galactic dimensions... But your love has been forged in the fires of war and tempered by Death's cold grip. You'll overcome everything, no matter what cruel things fate is throwing at the two of you."

Karin's passionate declaration causes some new tears of emotion in Jane's eyes, but it also makes her very thoughtful. After a few moments in silence, Jane starts chuckling between her soft sniffels.

"You know, that's actually fucking poetic..."

Nodding approvingly, Dr. Chakwas is straightening herself and a mischivious smirk appears on her face.

"So, and now I'll catch us two glasses. I'm craving for the story of your proposal, and there's a bottle of brandy in my desk waiting to be opened. You certainly look like you're in need of a good drink..."

Using the time Karin needs to visit the mess, Jane is undressing the remaining shreds of her summer dress, feeling a short pang of regret in the cause. She really liked that particular dress, and Liara did as well...

Taking a look towards Liara, Jane feels uncertain. If she would buy an identical dress, would it remind Liara of the blissful times on the Presidium? Or would it be a reminder on how the day ended? Shaking her head in confusion, she pulls the clean gown over. She wouldn't have to ask herself these questions, if she hadn't failed. Liara seems to forgive her, but Jane isn't sure if she is able to forgive herself...

* * *

 _"I spent two years mourning you and it almost destroyed me. Tomorrow you're leaving again and... Goddess!... I... I can't..."_

 _"Shhh, it's okay. I'm always coming back to you, Bluebird. No matter what happens, I'm always coming back..."_

* * *

She came back, true. But Liara was hurt nevertheless.

Looking down to her, Jane can't help but think about how much and yet little her fiancee has changed over the years. But Jane's feelings are still the same.

Her face full of love and devotion, Jane is reaching out with her fingers to trace the curves of Liara's body with feathery touch. A familiar yearning appears inside her immediately, a reaction that hasn't changed since their first night together back on the way to Ilos.

Following the wandering hand with her eyes, Jane is admiring Liara's slender body, a sight that she never would be tire of. Her perfect breasts; full and firm and crowned with small dark-blue peaks. The soft trim belly, which Jane loves to caress. Flared feminine hips, made for Jane's hands resting there. And these long toned legs, closing around her body whenever Liara is on the edge of loosing control...

The old ache in her lower abdomen and between her tighs is increasing even further as she thinks about the more hidden, erogenous parts of her fiancee's body: Her gracile neck, with all those delicate ridges at the base of her crest. The large nerv cluster just above the end of Liara's spine, where even a slight massage is enough to drive her crazy. And of course this secret place at the apex of her legs; the silky folds and wet depths of her azure and the little sensitive bud above it.

Besides these, there is a plethora of other spots giving Liara pleasure as well; Jane could spent a lifetime learning her fiancee's body.

It's the body of a goddess. Jane's goddess.

Cupping a blue cheek with her hand, Jane starts stroking it while following the line of Liara's freckles with her thumb. They are less prominent now, but still visible and definitely adorable.

The smooth scales of Liara's skin have changed to a little darker shade of blue during the long months of Jane's house arrest, but the new color is, if possible, an even more delightful one. And she still blushes with this wonderful hint of purple...

The rest of Liara's face is just as beautiful as it was three years ago.

A strong chin, which betrayed her vigorous character even during the times back on the original Normandy when she seemed to be overly shy and unexperienced.

Her wonderful lips. The knowledge of not being allowed to kiss them for an undefined time-span is almost unbearable. But even a simple smile on these lips is enough to warm Jane's heart immediately.

The cute nose. Liara herself doesn't like it's shape and is pretty defensive on the topic. Jane chuckles quietly at the memory of dozends of occasions she spent convincing her of the opposite in vain. Feeling silly at the thought, Jane bows down to place a quick peck on the tip of the blue nose.

Sadly her fiancee's most charming feature is not visible at the moment. These big blue orbs of her eyes; sapphires shining in the color of the oceans.

Jane never told her, but she fell in love with Liara just seconds after the asari dropped out of this prothean bubble on Therum. She catched Liara and the shy archeologist looked up to her wide eyed. The moment Jane's emeralds met the sapphires beneath her, she was lost.

Standing there, staring at the exhausted asari snuggled against her chest and closing her arms around the slender shape... it has been pure bliss. She wished this moment to last forever. And somehow it still does...

* * *

 _"I love you..."_

 _"And I love you, Liara T'soni. And I love you..."_

* * *

Liara's personality is propably her most lovable part, and although Jane will never find words sufficiant enough to describe it's complexity, she loves all of it. All the things defining Doctor Liara T'soni.

Her kind heart. The enthusiasm when she's talking about archeology or prothean culture and the sparkling excitement she's able to develop towards even the smallest things. Liara's soft spot for everything containing chocolate. Her determination, bordering on stubborness; all too easily mistaken with obsession. Liara's disgust for coffee and preference for tea. These brief streaks of shyness, even after all those years. Her curiosity, although it makes keeping secrets from Liara almost impossible. How she get's upset when someone is making fun of her. Her way of whimpering and moaning Jane's name when they have sex. Liara's interest in arts, especially music. The aversion towards action movies. Her humor, reaching from dry mocking to silly jokes like the 'Truck!'-thing a few hours ago. Even the way she gets angry or pouts is endearing. She loves her need for someone making her feel protected; when Liara is sad or hurt, it makes Jane forget everything else except comforting her and when she laughs...

The asari's face suddenly has something fragile and haunted in it. Liara's eyes move rapidly under the closed lids and soft whimpering sounds are escaping her blue lips. A nightmare.

 _What did she do to you, Bluebird? Will you tell me? Will you show me?_

Moving her hand, Jane uses her thumb to caress Liara's lips with gentle, slow strokes. It doesn't take long until her fiancee's irregular breath is slowing down.

* * *

 _"But your love has been forged in the fires of war and tempered by Death's cold grip. You'll overcome everything, no matter what cruel things fate is throwing at the two of you."_

* * *

Liara's expression softens and a small smile appears on her face. Purring contently, the sleeping asari is shifting her body towards her and for the first time since her clone abducted Liara, Jane experiences the overwhelming determination that everything would be alright again. She would be able to help Liara, even if only by keeping the nightmares away. Bowing forward, she is placing a tender kiss on Liara's forhead and whispers towards the blue skin.

"I'm sorry, Bluebird, it's my fault you got hurt... But I'll better myself, I promise...

Whatever happens, I'll be there for you and I'll never leave you alone again. Together, we'll get through this...

I love you, Bluebird. Always."

Caught in her task of soothing Liara, Jane doesn't notice Dr. Chakwas standing on the other side of the medbay's windows, watching the couple with shimmering eyes and a caring smile.


	12. Karôshi

**6 days later.**

"Shit!"

Shepard is standing in her mother's kitchen, busy preparing their breakfast. Well, or busy cutting her own fingers off as it seems. Who would have thought playing 'housewife' could be that dangerous? Inspecting the wound, Jane wrinkles her eyebrows angrily and sighs frustrated. She's rather dextrous with a knife, but after the last week...

 _Goddammit, I'm so fucking tired..._

Staying true to her promise in the medbay, Jane spent every night of the last six days with watching Liara's sleep, soothing her fiancee anytime she noticed her having a nightmare. Normally it's not until the early morning hours she allows herself one or two hours of sleep. Familiar with haunting nightmares by herself, she is more than willing to pay the price of keeping them away from Liara; but slowly she is starting to feel some wear and tear. And her reflexes are obviously the first victims...

 _The doc... um... Karin said it wouldn't be easy... I'll have to hang on and hope the best..._

Luckily the wound seems to be rather shallow. Sucking on her bloody finger, she continues placing the food on two plates, cursing her ineptitude quitely. Being busy with the task, she can't help but think about the last week's events.

As soon as she heard about what happened, her mother insisted of them taking residence at her gorgeous apartment at the Silversun Strip instead of a hotel and Jane agreed happily, hoping a more private enviroment would be helpful.

A wave of devotion is warming Jane's heart as she remembers how her mother, despite being called in the middle of the night, came immediately to pick them up and give them shelter. But she did even more... The next day, after taking care of the couple touchingly, Hannah departed back to her ship with three hours delay and only after Jane literally forced her to. Even standing in the doorway, the old woman refused to leave them alone at first, but finally, after Jane reassured her that she would be able to take care of Liara by herself, she gave in.

The red-haired woman is sighing again. If it only would have been that easy...

After they moved to the apartment, Liara fell into a state of heart-breaking passivity, barely leaving their bed and spending her days with reading (Feron's reports as well as some really cheesy novels) and sleeping. According to Aethyhta, Dr. Chakwas and the numerous articles Jane read on the topic, it's a perfectly normal behaviour for an asari suffering from a recent trauma, giving the tortured body and mind time to heal themselves. However, it doesn't seem to help at all. On the contrary.

Everytime the sight of Jane's shape makes Liara cringe, it apparently makes things worse, deepening the shroud of depression even more. It's like a part of Liara being absent-minded all the time, trapped in the cruel memory of Jennifer, the crazy clone.

Jane wants to help her forget the things she had to endure, but...

Liara doesn't talk to her. She doesn't tell her the things she simply needs to know. Sure, they speak with each other about many things. Her fiancee even told her about this wonderful dream she had during her captivity. But she hasn't told her anything about what the clone did to her, not even in the meld. The meld...

Placing the two plates on a tray, Jane suddenly experiences a surge of pure despair.

She doesn't know if it's because she is confident it would help her fiancee, or if she already became addicted to the soothing comfort of joining their minds, but Liara's refusal to meld with her is probably unsettling Jane the most.

Although she didn't get laid for over a week, it's not because of sexual frustration. To be honest, there is that, of course, but the knowledge of Liara actively denying her the intimacy of becoming one is definitely worse. Almost unbearable even. Her fiancee is stubborn on the topic and claims she couldn't spare the energy or concentration, but Jane can't help but think of other reasons...

 _Do you want to protect me, Bluebird? Carry the burden on your own because you think I would break under it? Why do you want to spare me the pain, Bluebird? Don't you know I would endure everything just to hear you laugh again?_

Trying to get rid of her day-old headache, Jane massages her pulsating temples. It doesn't help much.

Finally content with the food she prepared, she grabs a bottle with orange juice and two glasses, balancing them on the tray with six-day-old routine. Just before she is about to leave the kitchen, Jane turns around to catch the one thing missing to complete her breakfast arrangement.

Loaded with two plates, glasses and forks, a bottle of juice and the small bouquet of roses, the tray has become considerably heavy, but Jane is carrying it towards the bedroom with quick, sure footsteps nevertheless. Reaching her destination, she stops to practice one of the many rituals they developed over the course of the week and undresses her bathrobe quickly.

Dr. Chakwas advised her to keep as much skin contact with Liara as possible, and so she accustomed herself to wear nothing except her underwear as long as the two of them where alone. And, surprisingly, it is helping. Be it because of Liara's fingers always having access to some bare flesh, or because Jane appears to be more vulnerable without clothes; she doesn't care, as long as it helps relaxing her fiancee.

Actually, she kind of likes the way Liara, always clad in panties and Hannah Shepard's late birthday gift, a custom-made N7 hoodie, is petting her with torturously slow strokes while reading one of the historical romances she has grown so fond of...

 _It's almost like I'm some sort of cat... Mmh... No. I'd rather be a dog. Less dignity, but way more badass..._

Picking up the tray, Jane chuckles quietly. A week's worth of sleep deprivation certainly has the funny side effect of giving her some really interesting ideas. Even more than usual.

Pushing the silly thoughts aside, she clears her throat and steps into the room, but not without notifying Liara of her entry first.

"Bluebird, I'm back..."

The sight in the bedroom is the same as it was all over the last six days. Liara is lying on the bed, holding one of her numerous datapads while resting her back in a half-sitting position against one of the fluffy pillows. Alarmed by her words, she stares towards the door with compressed lips and wrinkled eyebrows, totally concentrated on preparing herself for Jane's entry. But her efforts are in vain. As soon as she notices the red-haired woman, she is wincing involuntarily. As always.

Watching it makes Jane's heart ache. No longer because the gesture of fright hurting her feelings, but because of what it does to Liara...

A horribly familiar lump in her throat is forcing her to swallow. Despite eating enough (Jane has taken care of that...) Liara has definitely lost some weight. Together with the purple rings under her eyes and the disheartened expression in them, it is giving her a haunted, fragile look.

Jane is forcing herself to an encouraging smile and walks towards Liara's bedside table, filling the uncomfortable silence with cheerful smalltalk.

"I made breakfast. Again! Unbelievable, isn't it, Bluebird? I tell you, after the war I'll learn to cook properly. I'd never thought, but it's a lot of fun!"

It actually has the desired effect of ripping Liara out of the dejection her brief flashback left behind. While Jane is busy placing the tray between the piles of datapads on the small table, Liara's expression slowly begins to brighten. Without even thinking about it, she is searching for skin contact immediately and reaches out to place her hand on Jane's upper tigh.

"Well, I have to admit, you're getting good at this, Jane. It looks delicious! And you brought me flowers..."

"Thessian roses. Do you like them?"

"They are wonderful... Thank you!"

Liara's loving smile is warming Jane's heart in an instant. After brushing over the blue fingers at her tigh softly, she is handing Liara one of the plates and waits for her reaction. It doesn't take long and the asari's expression changes from curiousity to surprise.

"Jane, you prepared **Thessian** fruit salad?! That's my favorite!"

"Yeah, I did. Something resembling Thessian fruit salad, at least. Couldn't get all the ingredients... But I think I was able to substitute them quite nicely..."

Smiling proudly, Jane is bowing down to place a tender kiss on her fiancee's blue cheek and is rewarded with a happy purr. Before she is able to pull back however, Liara is placing a unyielding hand at her neck, and the lump in Jane's throat is returning with force. The way the blue fingers clutch the strains of red hair has something desperate...

Staying in this position for some time, their bodies are almost perfectly still except five blue fingers stroking a freckled tigh unwittingly. It takes them minutes until they are slowly able to let go.

"It's already getting better, Bluebird. It's already getting better..."

Jane's whispered words are a lie, and they know it both, but Liara nods approvingly nevertheless, trying to reassure as well herself as the red-haired woman.

They spent the next minutes eating together in silence. Despite the intoxicating normality of the situation, Jane can't help but remember their shore leave would end the next day, bringing back the cruel reality of war mercilessly...

The fruit salad's dressing tastes bittersweet, just like she is feeling, but her fiancee seems to like it, and this is enough to raise Jane's spirits.

After they are finished, Shepard is placing their empty plates back on the tray, but decides to take them back to the kitchen later. She wants to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere as long as it would last. Crawling onto the bed, Jane is lying down besides Liara and places one arm around the asari's neck. Her fiancee rewards the fond gesture with a happy purr and nuzzles herself into Jane's shoulder.

Shepard can't help but inhale the asari's scent deeply. Being stronger than usual, the ambrosial hint of eezo, lilac and seasalt is making her head spin in an instant, but sadly it is also another symptome of Liara's concerning state...

Finally content with her position, Liara continues reading and starts her unwitting habit of delivering delicious torture.

This time she is tracing slow circles around Jane's navel, following the lines of the woman's well defined abdominal muscles with infuriating feathery fingers.

Aroused in an instant, Jane bites her lips to surpress a soft moan as her body reacts inevitably. Her nipples are painfully stiff, pressing against her sports bra's thick fabric in an uncomfortable way, and a surge of wet heat between her legs is igniting her yearning even more. It's been far too long...

Trying to control her quickening breath, Jane closes her eyelids.

Shepard knows that Liara's mechanical touches are just an attempt of affirming herself of her presence, but after a week without having sex, they are driving her utterly crazy...

Another soft stroke is forcing her to inhale sharply.

 _Goddammit, Liara!_

Not that she hasn't tried to get rid of the built-up horniness. Hell, she literally has fucked herself sore in the shower! But her worries about Liara are preventing her from having an relieving orgasm with the same effectivness that would have watching elcor-porn. Not that she has any experience with that, of course...

Despite what it's doing with her, Jane certainly is enjoing the caressing, not only because of the tantalizing sensuality, but also because it really helps relaxing Liara. Sometimes Shepard even wonders, if the asari is aware of what she is doing to her with it...

A quick glance down shows her that she is obviously not. Still reading one of her novels, her fiancee is completely immerged in "The adventures of Captain Hama'ro, the gentle space-pirate"...

Almost growling in frustration, Jane stares to the ceiling, fighting down the urge to jump Liara and simply fuck every memory of Jennifer out of her.

 _Yeah, sure, that would be_ _ **really**_ _helpful..._

No, that obviously isn't the way. But they couldn't continue like this onboard the Normandy either, not with the Reapers forcing them to give the war their full attention. She has to make another attempt of convincing Liara, but she is fucking afraid of it...

It takes her half an hour to build up the necessary courage.

"Bluebird?"

"Mmh?"

"We... have to talk."

Her whispered words are fullfilling their purpose. Despite her body tensing up immediately, the asari is looking into the shining emeralds above her expectantly. Jane sighs in relief. Liara remains silent, swallowing weakly with a hint of fear in her sapphire eyes, but at least she is obviously willing to listen.

Jane coats her words in a soothing tone.

"Our shore leave ends tomorrow and... Bluebird, we have to find another way! You want to handle this on your own, alright, but you don't have to. I'll help you with anything you need, so... Would you talk to me, Liara? Please?"

Although her fiancee looks uncertain, the blue fingers at the red-haired woman's stomach are continuing their slow pace unhesitatingly. Swallowing another time, the asari starts speaking with a thin, shaking voice.

"What do you want to know?"

 _Oh, sweet Jesus, thank you!_

"What happened, Bluebird? What did she do to you? I need to know..."

Liara's sapphires are growing wide and she opens her mouth. The next moment she is breaking eye contact. Mumbling towards the red-haired woman's chest pleadingly, Liara is tensing up even more.

"Jane, I'm sorry, but... I'm not ready for telling you. Not yet. Please, you have to understand..."

Watching Liara like this makes Jane's heart ache. Closing her arms around the slender body, she starts stroking Liara's back and remains silent for a few minutes, barely noticing the trembling fingers at her stomach tracing faster circles. Finally she decides to have a fresh start.

"It's okay, Bluebird, it's okay... But... we have to do **something** , Liara. I can't take you back to war like this, but I'm not leaving you either. I'll... I'll call Hackett and exceed our shore leave, if you want..."

"No! No, you don't have to... It's... it's already getting better, you said it yourself!"

Pinching her nose bridge, Jane exhales loudly. The tiredness these long nights without sleep left behind is returning with force.

"You well know it wasn't the truth..."

"I... I just need more time, Jane... It's not that bad! I... I can handle it..."

 _In the name of Whateverhernamewas' holy hanging tits!_

Frustrated by her fiancee's stubborn denial, Jane is lifting her alto-voice.

"You can't! You're loosing yourself, Liara! You spent your days reading crap or sleeping, barely leaving the room, or even the bed. You're wearing the same clothes for almost a week! Hell, you haven't even taken a shower since..."

"Do you want to say I **stink**?!"

Staring at the red-haired woman with an expression of pure humilation, Liara is pushing herself upright, but her fingers are proceeding their task at the human's stomach nevertheless. Jane grows pale. She didn't mean to hurt Liara even more.

"Shit! No-no-no-no, Bluebird, that's not what I... No! It's just... This isn't **you** , Liara! It's not healthy... I can see how much you're suffering, and it's killing me, Bluebird, it's literally killing me! Let me help you. Please!"

"You can't! Pretty flowers and fruit salad won't make me forget what she did, Jane. They won't make me forget the pain. The things she said. The look in her eyes. Your eyes... "

Shuddering at the memories, Liara stops. It takes her a few moments and some deep breaths until she is able to resume.

"Jane, I love you, but... I have to handle this on my own! Just like I had to handle being alone with your clone..."

It hurts. It hurts deeply, but apart from closing her eyelids shortly, Jane is able to control her expression. Liara is right, but at the same moment she is wrong. There is something she is able to do...

Grabbing Liara's shaking shoulders, Jane is looking right into Liara's blue eyes. Her own emeralds are filled with pure desperation.

"Share the pain with me, Liara. Please! Show me what happened. You were alone in this room, but you don't have to be alone in your memories!"

Liara seems to be terrified by the very thought of Jane's offer. Shaking her head rapidly, she starts to beg.

"I... I can't... Jane, please, don't ask me for this! I'll do anything, but I can't go back to this place... To her... Please! I can't endure this again, Jane, not even together with you... It's..."

The fear in the glistening sapphires in front of her is unbearable. Forgetting about Dr. Chakwas' warnings, Jane launches forward, closing the trembling blue lips with a passionate kiss, soothing her fiancee with the only method that has never failed. After one moment of hesitation, Liara grabs some strains of red hair at Jane's neck, pulling the woman even tighter into her lips and returning the kiss with the same hunger.

Loosing herself in the sensation, Jane doesn't notice the sudden stiffness in Liara's body.

One second later, a irresistable wave of dark energy hurls Jane into the wall at the far side of the room. Although falling to the ground with bone-shattering force, the red-haired woman is barely noticing pain. There is no other feeling left inside her but pure dismay.

Liara seems to be deeply shocked as well. Staring at her fiancee wide eyed, the asari jumps up, conceiling her lips with trembling blue fingers.

"Goddess! Jane, I..."

The red-haired woman is cutting her short with a quick gesticulation. Pushing herself up on shaking legs, Jane's whole body is aching, but the emotional pain is worse. Liara attacked her...

Lifting her fingers slowly, she touches a sore spot at the back of her head and is not surprised to find them coated with red wetness after their retrieval. According to her sharp inhale, Liara seems to notice it, too.

Something shatters inside Jane. The betrayal of being injured by Liara is triggering her fight-or-flight instincts immediately, and there is only one thing she is able to choose. Shirking from the asari's distressed look, she stumbles towards her drawer hurrily and grabs a clean service uniform, stuttering towards her clothes nervously.

"Um, I... I should go. There is this... um, appointment with councilor Tevos and... We'll... we'll talk when I'm back, okay? We'll... um, talk and... um...I should go."

Liara is still staring at her speechlessly, her sapphire eyes glistening with tears. Taking one step towards her, Jane is lifting a trembling hand with the intention of...

She hesitates. Was there anything she could do?

Shaking her head in defeat, Jane rushes out of the bedroom and towards the way out. A single sharp sob from behind stings right into her heart, but she isn't slowing down in spite of that.


	13. Runaway

**Quite an update: two chapters, over 9000 words. Hopefully some of them are good... Well, hit the review button and tell me what you think! Have fun!**

A small notification: I changed the names of the three previous chapters. Nothing major, so no bold letters...

* * *

Caught in a suffocating turmoil of emotions, Jane is leaving the apartment hurrily and calls for the elevator, dressing the rest of her service uniform while waiting. Her legs and hands are still trembling and the small laceration at her head is pounding in sync with her heart. Finally the elevator notifies her with a soft 'bing', and the doors are opening, but the human woman doesn't move. She still can't believe what just happened...

The burning heat in the corners of her eyes is almost breaking free as she notices quick, approaching footsteps and Liara's frantic voice.

"Jane, wait! I'm so sorry... Please, come back... I'm sorry!"

Jane enters the elevator with slouching shoulders, but she doesn't turn around until she is standing in the cabin. Just before the doors are closing completely, she looks right into two glistening sapphires, filled with pain and regret, mirror images to the expression in her own emeralds.

"JANE, PLEASE!"

She could stop the doors by pushing a single button. She could stop the elevator using another one. But she doesn't do it. She simply hasn't the courage, and it makes her feel like the biggest coward in the galaxy. No longer being able to stand upright on her shaking legs, Jane is sitting down on the floor, resting her back against the back wall. Staring to the ground with unseeing eyes, she barely notices the first teardrops rolling down her freckled cheeks. She feels so fucking helpless...

She hates feeling this way. She hates the war for stealing the limited, precious time of happiness she has with her fiancee and for keeping them apart even when they are together. She hates Jennifer for the things the clone has done to Liara as well as she hates herself for her weakness, for not being strong enough to resist her urges, for not being able to help, for not being patient, for failing day after day. She hates everyone and everything in the whole damn galaxy.

Except Liara.

Despite the asari hurting her numerous times, she doesn't feel anything except overwhelming love towards her fiancee, and that is even intensifying her pain.

The elevator reaches the ground floor. Still caught in her thoughts, she barely is noticing the opening doors.

Liara almost broke her heart on Ilium. She left her alone during the months in psychatrie and house arrest. After their reunion on Mars, she initially refused to move into her quarters, although this year could be very well the last for both of them. And she spent months giving the Shadow Broker network more attention than she gave her...

Whenever her heart was shattered, Liara took the pieces to heal it, but now the asari is too stubborn to allow Jane doing the same. The refusal of accepting help from her is probably the thing hurting Jane the most. It is even worse than the feeling of being attacked by the one she loves.

And yet Jane can't help but love Liara even more...

Touching the wound hesitatingly, she is standing up and leaves the cabin, walking without having a certain destination.

* * *

 _But your love has been forged in the fires of war and tempered by Death's cold grip. You'll overcome everything, no matter what cruel things fate is throwing at the two of you._

* * *

Dr. Chakwas has been right. Nothing would keep her from fighting for their relationship, not even the stupid things they keep on inflicting to each other.

She lost herself in her love to Liara and doesn't want to be redeemed. But right now, the only thing she is craving for is to run away from it.

The thought is irresistable. She quickens her footsteps, but she is not fast enough to outrun her feelings. Despite leaving the Silversun Strip behind her soon, her mind is still spinning and so she starts running, ignoring the irritated looks of the people watching the crazy red-headed woman with glistening tears on her freckled face.

After a few minutes, she is entering an area of the Citadel she has never visited before, and the shroud in her mind finally is disappearing. Her first clear thoughts however are causing a wave of pure guilt. Everything has been her own fault!

Gritting her teeth, she is running even faster, but her memories follow her. The desperate look Liara had in her tearful sapphire eyes just before the elevator doors closed themselves is haunting Jane.

 _I'm a fucking asshole!_

Obviously Liara didn't wanted to hurt her. The kiss must have caused another goddamn flashback. Of course. Liara attacked a memory of Jennifer, not her. She should have known better than ignoring Dr. Chakwas advice, but she was too selfish to control herself... She inflicted new pain to Liara, and instead of fixing her mistake, she left her alone with it.

* * *

 _"I'm sorry, Bluebird, it's my fault you got hurt... But I'll better myself, I promise..._

 _Whatever happens, I'll be there for you and I'll never leave you alone again. Together, we'll get through this..._

 _I love you, Bluebird. Always."_

* * *

At this moment, her fiancee is probably crying out of concern, sorrow and loneliness, and she is not there to soothe her, running away from the only task that matters, just like the selfish bitch she is! She promised herself to support Liara with everything she is able to give, but it only took her a fucking week and signs of the first trouble to forget about it.

There she is, the hope of the galaxy; a pathetic failure! The one helping everyone made helpless by her own DNA. No matter what she does, she keeps on hurting Liara, be it with her actions or the very presence of her body...

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!"

Her desperate outcry is resounding between the wards and she quickens her footsteps even further. Soon her lungs are burning for air and her heart is pounding painfully in her chest.

Finally she is not able to run even any longer. Breathing heavily, she is collapsing against a wall, the combination of sleepless nights, emotional pain and running for almost an hour leaving her utterly exhausted. Sitting on the ground, Jane starts sobbing silently.

She can't continue like this. It only has been a week, and she knows Liara needs more time, but she is not strong enough to bear it: Causing fright in these sapphire eyes with the shape of her body, watching her fiancee loosing herself in depression, not being able to kiss Liara because of her lips resembling Jennifer's...

After some time her sobs are turning into soft snivels, but the desperation stays the same.

Obviously Liara is suffering from the lack of intimacy just as much as Jane does; the way she returned the kiss is proof enough. But Jane is absolutely helpless to do something about it.

It's a fucking treadmill, a neverending circle: Liara's unconsciousness is afraid of her body, but the only way to change that, allowing Jane to show that there is nothing to fear, would require her fiancee to completely trust her. But Liara doesn't trust her, because the asari's unconsciousness being afraid of Jane's body...

 _Goddammit, I'm supposed to destroy the Reapers, so solving this problem shouldn't be a problem at all! But I don't have a fucking clue how..._

Wiping her cheeks dry, she starts shaking her head slowly. Sometimes she's missing the simple times back on the Normandy SR-1; a shy archeologist and her overly confident commander on their hunt for a rogue spectre. No clones, no galactic war, no doubts; just two young women exploring the first signs of their love...

Jane chuckles quietly at the thought of her old self: A simple grunt, a battle-scarred hardass marine, having barely a thing in common with the beautiful and brilliant asari she saved. But she has been able to earn Liara's love and trust nevertheless. If only...

Out of a sudden she is freezing in place. Maybe there is something she is able to do... Gazing into space dreamily, she lifts a trembling hand to touch her lips, remembering a particular moment at the beginning of their relationship.

Jane's mind is busy creating the first parts of a plan. It's a crazy one, an act of pure desperation, but: Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Lifting herself up, she takes a glance at her omnitool and growls in frustration. The meeting with Tevos hasn't been a lie, and she is already late. On top of that, her little plan would require some preparations, too. But first she has to call Liara and reassure her that everything is alright...

Sniffling softly, she starts dialing her fiancee's comm-number.

"FUCK!"

'The person you want to call is unavailable.' Of course. One of the first things Liara did after they went to their apartment was deactivating her omnitool...

Fighting down the urge to simply return to their apartment and keep Tevos waiting, Jane starts to hurry towards the next air cab. No, she can't afford to annoy one of the councilors, especially not Tevos; convincing the asari to join the war effort is too important. But Liara is probably crying in despair...

 _Maybe she's even thinking I'm breaking up with her... Damn it, I have to do something! I can't go there by myself, but... Yes!_

Activating her omnitool again, Jane nods resolutely and calls for a free cab. She would ask one of their friends to look after Liara and bring her a message. Her fingers are already hovering above her contact list, but Jane hesitates.

 _A simple message may not be enough... I've to show her that everything's alright, but how?_

The woman is biting her lip nervously. There is something that would be perfect, but the very thought of asking one of her friends for it makes Jane blush. As she notices an approaching cab, the red-haired woman is hitting the dial button decisively. There is only one person she could trust with this task.

A familiar face appears on her omnitool, and Jane is smiling involuntarily. The last week teached her a lot about friendship. Sure, all their friends came to visit the traumatized couple, but that was not surprising. Garrus, Tali, Joker, EDI and Karin are almost familiy, and Jane somehow expected them to come. No, what caught her flat-footed was the sight of Comms-specialist Samantha Traynor, visiting Liara on the very first day after they left the Normandy. Jane already respected Traynor for her brains and competence, and then there was the part where the woman saved the Normandy and thereby Liara (using a toothbrush, goddammit!), but...

Samantha's cheerful greeting is ripping her out of her thoughts.

"Commander, that's quite surprising! I was just about to call you myself..."

Traynor, smiling happily, seems to stand in front of some kind of gambling hall. Jane's heart jumps, as she is recognizing the place.

 _Castle Arcade, just a few steps away from our apartment... Perfect!_

But a slight hint of worry is building inside her as well.

"Hey, Samantha, good to see you. What's up? You...you didn't wanted to cancel your visit later, did you?"

The young specialist seems to be surprised by Jane's anxiety. Her eyes growing wide, she starts shaking her head forcefully.

"Oh, no, on the contrary! Um, as a matter of fact, I wanted to ask if I'm allowed to visit sooner. The thing is, I just won this big ass trophy, but I don't have a place to keep it, so..."

Staring at her with an expression of uncertainity, the dark-skinned woman trails of, but Jane herself is sighing in relief.

"It doesn't fit into your 'shoe-box' onboard the Normandy, does it? Yeah, sure thing. Just put it onto the dresser besides the entrance and I'll leave a note for my mum."

"Cheers! The trophy has kind of... um, a sentimental value, so... I owe you one, ma'am. If there's anything I can do, name it!"

Chuckling at the sight of Traynor's sparkling excitement, Jane is tempted to ask for the favor immediately, but... it would be wrong. The small gesture of kindness towards the specialist is nothing compared with the thing she has in mind. But maybe she could persuade Traynor to finally give her what she has been craving for a week... Her smile is getting impish.

"Well, actually there's something, Samantha. Would you get rid of that 'ma'am' bullshit and call me by my name, just like I asked you six days ago? Please? When we're off duty, there's no reason you shouldn't."

Jane's calm words are making Traynor blush in an instant, and she starts to stutter uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I know...um, you've been telling me this, um... quiet a lot, but..."

Raising her eyebrows, the red-haired woman is cutting her short determinately.

"No 'but', Samantha, we're well beyond 'ma'am' or 'Commander'... I'm serious: I'll never forget what you did for Liara. And I love her more than anything else, so you did it for me, too. Drop the shy act and call me 'Jane' or 'Shepard' if you're uncomfortable with first names. I'm not offering this to many people, but you earned it, so..."

Her passionate declaration leaves Traynor's face with an adorable shade of dark-red, but the same time, the specialist seems to be offended.

"Commander, you shouldn't... It was nothing! It's just what frien-... Oh!"

Falling silent as she realizes what she wanted to say, Traynor is suddenly looking very nervous. A small smile appears on Jane's lips.

Yes, what the specialist did is what friends do. But at the same time, it's more than that... Watching the young woman biting her lips, Shepard recalls the events of the week.

The first time Traynor visited them, Jane was somewhat baffled about the unexpected visitor, standing in the doorway with a chess board and a thermos flask tucked under her armpits. Then, after some minutes of uncomfortable small talk, Traynor simply abandoned her and entered the apartement decisively.

Jane had been seconds away from throwing her out, but Samantha just opened her thermos flask and filled two cups with a steaming liquid and asked Liara if she would like to play a game of chess with her. To Shepards growing astonishment, Liara accepted and spent the next two hours drinking tea and playing chess. Forgetting about Jennifer and the still lingering pain in the cause, her fiancee relaxed visibly and, at the end of their third match, she even chuckled softly as Traynor cursed herself for loosing that round.

This alone would have been enough for Jane to reward Traynor with a life-long friendship.

But the next day, the specialist visited them again. Just like she did on the third day and every other day of the week. Traynor didn't ask any questions reminding Liara of the things the clone did, no; she sacrificed two hours per day chatting with Liara about nothing else but tea and chess, in spite of shore leave time being precious and rare.

And for that, Jane would love the young woman till death.

Finally Samantha seems to realize it, too. Clearing her throat awkwardly, the woman nods a few times.

"Um, okay. 'Shepard'... But ma'-... Shepard, why did you call me in the first place? You didn't wanted to ask me if I would visit you, did you? Because... You know."

 _Because you would have visited Liara anyway... You did so much, and now I'm going to ask you for something I wouldn't even ask Garrus. Especially not Garrus!_

Now it's Shepard's turn to blush.

"Sort of. Um, listen, Liara and I, we... we had a fight and I just left her alone, and now she's probably... Let's be honest, she's crying, and..."

Staring at her wide eyed, Traynor is cutting her short quickly.

"Right away, Commander! I'm just a few minutes from your apartment..."

Jane can't describe the thankfulness she's feeling at this moment. Sighing in relief, she pinches her nose bridge.

"Thanks, that's... Thanks. I've a few things to manage first, but I should be back just after midday. Please tell Liara that I'm not mad with her, okay?"

"Will do! Was there anything else?"

 _Goddammit, how can I ask her for_ _ **this**_ _?!_

Blushing even more, Jane feels her cheeks and neck getting warm. But she has to ask...

"Um, yes, there's something you could bring her along, and something you could...do. But... um, it's a pretty big favor, and I don't want to push you, so if you're uncomfortable with it..."

Samantha seems to be somehow curious about Shepard's embaressment, but her voice is calm nevertheless.

"Shoot."

Inhaling deeply, she starts to explain the things Traynor could do for her. The younger woman's reaction is telling: Although her blush is just as bad as Shepard's, she doesn't hesitate and nods approvingly.

"Um, I have to admit, some parts are a little confusing, but I'll do it regardless. It's... something a friend would do, isn't it?"

Jane can't help but chuckle at the sight of Samantha's smugness.

"Yeah, I suppose it is... Thanks. For everything. We'll talk later, okay?"

"I'm looking forward to it! And... Oh! Excuse me, I've just spotted a store selling... Sweet bollocks, that's quite a selection! Not sure which... Um, sorry, this is quite distracting... What was it you wanted to say? Oh, yes... Goodbye, ma'-... Shepard, we'll talk later!"

Still chuckling, Jane enters the waiting cab and sets a course towards the embassies. Now that the first part of her plan started so well, the red-haired woman is feeling her tense shoulders relaxing. Since that day a week ago, it's the first time she gained control again.

 _One down, two to go. The meeting with Tevos first, and then I'll have to find James. Hopefully he's still at that poker table in the refugee area; I'd rather not ask some batarians to give me what I need..._


	14. Burning eternity

**This is the second part of an update containing two chapters. The first one is "Runaway"**

* * *

Liara always tought two years mourning the one she loves had been like hell, but what she is feeling now is worse. A lot. It is worse than loosing her mother, worse than being violated by Jennifer, worse than the imminent destruction of every civilisation: She hurted Jane, both physically and mentally, and she doesn't know how to fix it...

Jane's tearful emeralds, looking at her with an expression of pure desperation, are haunting Liara. Lying on their bed, a neverending stream of tears is moistening the sheets beneath her.

 _I'm a terrible, terrible asari being..._

Everything has been her fault and her fault alone! Jane is right. After her encounter with the clone, she lost herself because she didn't want to face what happened. Just like she did after Alchera...

The only difference is, this time there is no hate driving her forward. This time Jane has been there to sheperd her and Liara used her for it. Shamelessly.

Rolling herself on her back, she is staring to the ceiling, barely noticing anything through the shroud of tears. Sharp sobs are shaking her shoulders.

She just wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget about the war and her fear of loosing Jane another time. She wanted to forget about the reports of Reaper scouts approaching Thessia. She wanted to forget about her body twitching and wincing every time she notices something resembling Jennifer in Jane. She wanted to forget the pain. She wanted the galaxy become a better place by denying it's cruel reality.

She hoped that time would heal all wounds, but the truth is: It doesn't.

Liara grabs one of her pillows. Pressing it tightly against her face, she screams out of the top her lungs.

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!"

Time doesn't heal anything; wounds need treatment to heal properly. It's a lesson she learned on Ilium, but she ignored it. And the consequences...

Liara takes a glance towards the far side of the room. Fresh tears are moistening her cheeks as she spots a shallow bump in the wall and fine fissures in it's plaster. Jane loves her, there is no doubt, but... she betrayed her, injured her even!

 _She... she will break up with me! After all the things I did to her... Goddess! No-no-no-no-no... Jane would never..._

The possibility is frightening Liara. Sitting up, her whole body is trembling. Jane would never leave her, but... she never did something like this to her fiancee either...

The worst thing is that she doesn't even know what happened. All she remembers is Jane kissing her hungrily in a desperate attempt to bring comfort.

Her tears are still streaming, but Liara's body reacts to the memory of her fiancee's unusual passion immediately. During the whole week, she felt a growing desire inside her, but she has been to afraid of the possible outcome to act on her yearning. Experiencing a flashback of Jennifer while having sex or melding with Jane... It would have been too much to bear!

Closing her arms around her knees, Liara is bending forward.

The lack of intimacy is almost driving her crazy, and given Jane's way of kissing her, she is not alone with that...

Remembering her fiancee's hot tongue entering her mouth and those wonderful strong hands exploring the curves of her body, she feels her nipples harden and a pleasant ache in her azure. Liara is closing her eyes and moans softly. It has been far too long...

But why?

The events one-and-a-half hour ago are still confusing her.

 _She kissed me and I kissed her back, that much is clear. I remember that I was happy; happy and incredibly turned on. I just wanted to ask her for opening my hoodie, but then I wasn't able to breath anymore; her kiss, something was wrong with the way Jane kissed me..._

Knitting her faded brow markings at the effort, Liara is forcing herself to remember the thing that has been wrong.

 _Jennifer kissed me the same way, seconds until I realized who she was. That must have been the thing that was wrong! And then... The next thing I remember is Jane lying on the ground and a strange feeling... What was it?_

Grim satisfaction; the taste of power and control.

Liara feels bone-chilling shivers running down her spine. A flashback. She had a flashback without even noticing it! She must have used her biotics on instinct; her body fighting the one that tormented it on it's own. With the small, but important detail that it hasn't been Jennifer in front of her, but Jane...

Rocking her body back and forth unwittingly, she shakes her head in disbelief and starts rubbing her engagement ring.

 _What have I done?!_

She needs help. She needs to talk about what happened. And more than anything, she needs Jane!

Crawling out of the bed, she wipes her cheeks dry, only to have them wet again a second later. What if she damaged their relationship beyond repair? A huge lump in her throat makes it difficult for her to breathe, but even so she is stumbling towards the dresser besides the doorway hurrily. She would beg Jane to come back, on her knees if necesserary! Fixing her mistakes would have to wait until Jane's return...

Reaching her destination, she has to support herself on the piece of furniture; her shaking legs are making it difficult to stand upright.

 _She promised, but... what if she doesn't want to come back to me? A weak, stinking and ungrateful mess... Goddess, I injured her!_

One second later, the door bell is ripping her out of her self-hatred ungently.

Shortly she hopes that it is Jane, but the very thought is stupid. Her fiancee wouldn't ring, but simply open the door by herself. But who else would visit her that early?

Grabbing her omnitool with trembling fingers, she takes a short look at the security feed.

It is Samantha Traynor, standing in front of the door, heavily laden with a chess board, the usual thermos flask, some kind of trophy and a small, but seemingly heavy, box.

Usually the sight of the young woman is warming her heart. Playing chess and drinking tea with her turned out to be very enjoyable and, in opposite to Garrus and Tali, Traynor never made awkward attempts to talk about what happened with her. She doesn't know why the specialist keeps on visiting her, but during the last week she was looking forward to it every day. Right now however, the only person she wants to see is her fiancee, and so she activates the intercom.

"Traynor, I'm sorry, but... I'd rather be alone. Jane and I... we had a fight an-..."

Sounding a little breathless, the young specialist is cutting her short.

"Yes, Shepard mentioned it, and... I beg your pardon, but could you **please** let me in? That stuff is a really shitty load!"

 _She told her?_

Well aware of her puffy eyelids and swollen nose, she tries to clean her face, fairly embaressed about her sorry state. Swallowing weakly, she opens the door. Traynor, groaning under her burden, is entering immediately, obviously searching for a spot to place the things she is carrying.

"Good morning, Dr. T'Soni. Where...?"

"Just... just put it onto the dresser, over there. You said J-Jane told you about our fight? What did she say? Please, tell me!"

Sighing in relief, Traynor is massaging her now empty hands, but strangly she's blushing the next moment. Staring at her suddenly very interesting digits, the young woman takes a few, short glances towards the desperate asari in front of her.

"Yes... She wanted you to know that she's not mad with you, and that she'll be back around midday. Besides that, she asked me to, um... give you some... presents."

"Presents?"

Liara asks automatically, but Jane's message is distracting her from Traynor's nervous reaction.

 _She is not mad with me? But... why?!_

Suddenly the specialist's expression changes from insecurity to determination. Stepping forward, Traynor is placing two brown hands on Liara's shoulders and looks deep into her eyes.

"I love you, Bluebird. Always."

"Wha-..."

Opening her bloodshot sapphires in surprise, she is just about to say something, but the young woman is silencing her by leaning forward and placing a short, innocent kiss on her blue lips. Lasting only a second, the lingering feeling of unfamiliar, but soft lips is leaving her utterly speechless.

Traynor herself is blushing again. Breaking the contact awkwardly, the specialist steps backwards, biting her lips self-consciously in the course.

Meanwhile Liara is touching her own mouth dreamily. Her mind still has problems processing what just happend.

 _Always. Oh Jane...  
_

"Jane asked you for this?"

Her soft question, although being sort of rethoric, seems to startle the young woman. Turning around hurrily, she grabs the box fom the dresser and starts to stutter apologetically.

"Yes, but... I'm so sorry! She... she asked me to give you this first and... Holy bollocks, I hope didn't ruin it! That would be soooo typical for me..."

Looking slightly crestfallen, Traynor is opening the box and Liara inspects it curiously. One moment later however, she is staring at it's contents wide eyed, while sobbing in pure relief. The meaning of the Jane's present is unmistakable...

The young woman in front of her seems to be surprised, but instead of asking why two pieces of chocolate cake are able to cause such a reaction, she simply puts the box aside and hugs the crying asari.

Liara is embracing the solacing gesture eagerly and buries her head deep in Traynor's neck. Even more than the feeling of tender hands resting her back, it's the touch of human hair at her cheek that is calming her down after a few minutes. The scent is different, of course (teak, cinnamon and honey instead of Jane's iron, poppy and halite), but the texture is comforting familiar.

When she finally is breaking the contact, Liara can't help but feel a little guilty about the way she and Jane are using Traynor, despite or especially because of the specialist's history. She seems to be content with it, smiling at her considerately, but still...

"Thank you!"

The whispered words are everything she is able to manage at the moment, but Traynor's smile broadens even more. Grabbing the box again, the young woman looks at it cravingly.

"You're welcome. Um, ma'am... you wouldn't mind to have some pre-lunch afters, would you? It's a little embaressing, but in anticipation of my old nemesis' defeat, I missed breakfast and now I'm starving!"

"Of course. Just follow me..."

Wiping some last tears away, Liara is leading the way towards the kitchen, and activates her omnitool. The text message she is sending contains only four words.

I love you too.

A few minutes later, both having a plate full of delicious cake and a cup with steaming tea in front of them, she and Traynor are sitting together in silence, just like they did every day during the last week. But something is different, making it difficult for Liara to enjoy the peaceful silence. It is not because of the kiss, no, the reason is a subtle change in their relationship she can't quite put her finger on. Given the specialist's continued glances towards her, she is not alone with that.

Finally Liara decides to take the first step. Swallowing down some cake, she takes a sip of the aromatic tea.

"Traynor?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"You are not helping me because of feeling obligated towards Jane, are you? I know that you are from Horizon, and I know that you've been there during the collector attack, but..."

Apparently caught flatfooted, Traynors is choking on her food. Mumbling an apology, Liara is filling the woman's cup with fresh tea and tries to surpress a nervous giggle.

 _Okay,_ _ **maybe**_ _that was a little bold..._

It takes her some sips and a few forceful coughs until the specialist is able to speak again. Clearing her throat a last time, Traynor starts shaking her head resolutely.

"No! No-no-no, that's not why... How did you even learn about that?! My files were supposed to be clo-... Oh! Of course..."

Liara can't help but smile smugly as Traynor is realising the reason. The specialist is, partly because of EDI being a incurable blabbermouth, partly because of her own wits, one of the few persons knowing the Shadow Broker's identity. But she is also the only one forgetting about it regulary... Squeezing one of Traynor's hands softly, she gives her an apologetic glance.

"I'm sorry, I... I just needed to know. It's selfish, but..."

She doesn't finish the sentence, but Traynor seems to understand nevertheless and a sad smile appears on her brown face.

"You really don't have any idea, do you?"

Shaking her head, Liara bites her lips and watches the young woman curiously. After a few moments Traynor is looking up, right at her crest, and Liara suddenly feels very self-conscious. She is still wearing the marks of Jennifer's hands; shallow, but visible exaltations forming the shape of fingers. And according to Dr. Chakwas, they would stay...

Noticing her disturbed state, Traynor nods wisely and starts talking. The pain in the young woman's eyes and voice is horribly familiar.

"It's because... I can comprehend. I know how it feels to be at the mercy of someone. I know the feeling of watching someone else doing... things with your body without being able to fight back. I know the helplessness and... the self-hatred; it took me months until I stopped cursing my own weakness. It's moronic, isn't it? As if a small, asthmatic nerd could have done anything to stop these insectoid bastards from touching her with these terrible claws, stuffing her body into a stinky, slimy coffin!"

Liara tries to swallow down a huge lump in throat and nods once. Listening the woman's words is like looking into a mirror...

Wiping her eyes angrily, Traynor continues.

"When EDI told me that you've been abducted and... injured, I... I just needed to do something. Doc Chakwas endured the same as well, so I called her and... Well, she didn't tell my anything about what happend exactly, but she **did** encourage me to visit you. I've to admit, I felt a little clueless at first, so I kept it simple. The thing that worked best for me has been distraction, so: Chess. And everything's better while having some good tea..."

Raising her cup, the young woman smiles encouragly and takes a long, appreciative sip before returning to her task of annihilating the thick slice of cake. Although enjoying the following silence, a part of Liara is craving to talk and seek advice. But she remains silent. It simply wouldn't be right to tell Traynor about Jennifer before telling Jane first, despite the specialist being her frien-...

Suddenly comprehending the thing that changed in her feelings towards the young woman, Liara is chewing her lips nervously. Unlike Jane, she has never been good at making friends... Sure, there is Tali, Garrus and Wrex. And in some way Dr. Chakwas and Joker. Maybe even Ashley. But these friendships were building up over months, born out of complete, battle-tested trust. This is... different.

"Would it be okay for you to continue on first name terms?"

Keeping her voice calm, she is somehow afraid of a possible rejection, but to her delight Traynor is smiling happily.

"I'd be glad to!"

"Thank you, Samantha. For everything. And... for being a friend?"

The young woman nods approvingly. Smiling happily by herself, Liara finishes the first half of her slice and sighs in satisfaction as she is putting the plate aside. She would safe the other half for Jane, as always...

Looking at the unfinished cake curiously, Traynor is knitting her eyebrows and Liara shortly wonders if she offended her new friend, but the question blurting out of the woman the next moment proofes otherwise.

"Okay, I have to ask, otherwise I'm going to explode: What's the deal with the cake?"

Samantha's sparkling curiousity is very familiar to her, and Liara can't help but tease her a little, knowing from own experience that it would make the craving almost unbearable.

"Maybe it's just one of my favorite foods?"

Staring at her with an expression of pure disbelief, the young specialist's voice is showing signs of amusement.

"Come on, Liara... The peck surprised you, but after you saw that pastries you were **radiating** love! And in spite of your statement, you only finished **half** of what is supposed to be one of your favorites. **Exactly the half** , as it seems... So, you're either a tremendous liar, or you have some kind of obsessive disorder concerning sweet brown things. In case of the latter I'd have to leave very fast! I'm a sweet brown thing by myself after all, and evoking the wrath of Shepard isn't part of my survival strategy."

Admiring the woman's observation skills, Liara is grinning impishly. But then the complete sincerity of Traynor's last sentences is cracking her up and she starts laughing. Almost startled by the sound of it, Liara feels stinging heat in the corners of her sapphire eyes. For the first time since Jennifer abducted her, she is laughing, really laughing!

It is almost too wonderful to stop, but finally she is forcing herself to calm down and gather her thoughts. Given Samantha's smug grin, her new friend is expecting an answer. And by the Goddess, she earned one!

"Of course, you are right; there is a special story. But telling it could take quite some time."

"Well, I've still got some cake, and there's a lot of tea left..."

Liara smiles reflectively. The memories of her first adventures are rich in variety... Unsure of how to proceed, she decides to start from the very beginning.

"When I came onboard the original Normandy, it was... difficult to adjust. I used to be an archeologist, but from one day to another, I had to become a soldier, serving on an warship full of strange aliens. I had never met humans before, and suddenly I was surrounded by them! To make things worse, most of the crew didn't trust me because... because of my mother. She was indoctrinated, a Reaper slave, but we didn't know that at this time...

In the first weeks, I... I cried myself into sleep every night. I was so young! Most of the time I felt frightened and exhausted, but the loneliness was the worst. I spent years embracing the solitude of dig sites, but having other people around me suddenly made me feel isolated.

But there were two things cheering me up: Watching this strangly fascinating woman, who trusted me in spite of my doubtful loyalities, and... dessert!"

Looking at her observingly with a mesmerized expression, Traynor starts chuckling sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, but... I felt just the same during my first month! Although for me it wasn't cake, but that fantastic selection of tea in the mess..."

 _Yes, there are quite a few similarities between you and me during my younger days. Younger days... Did this all really happen only four years ago? Goddess!_

Nodding absent-mindedly, she continues.

"Um, dessert, yes... The military rations were disgusting, but all those sugary sweets after the meals: They brought me some happiness. I even did some research on the delicacies awaiting me after a long day; Human food culture is quite fascinating. Especially ice cream! Seriously, did you know there is no other species in the whole galaxy with a tradition of freezing their food only to let it melt again **while** eating it?! No? Well, it's true! Oh... Sorry, I'm straggling..."

Being slightly embarassed about her excitement, Liara notices her cheeks and neck blushing. Samantha however doesn't do anything except smirking forgivingly, which gives her time to recover.

"Okay, what you probably should know is that it's very taxing to use biotics in combat situations, and, to make things worse, I was not used to it. After my first missions, I usually slept a few hours until dinner, catched something to eat and slept again. Not as glamorous as in all those bad novels about asari commandos fighting all day and having fun all night, isn't it? However, it took time, but I slowly adjusted: I became stronger and more resilient, which gave me confidence.

But then, six weeks after joining the crew, we approached Feros and the following events teached me that I knew nothing about war. It was my first mission of top priority: A small settlement, Zhu's Hope, was under siege and the battles were brutal. After hours of skirmishing Geth I was utterly exhausted, but Jane's will to fight made me carry on. Finally, using very... creative methods, we destroyed the enemy cruiser. I almost cried in relief, because I assumed the worst being over, but... I was wrong. Goddess, so wrong!

It turned out that the colony was infected by a Thorian. Without going too much into detail, it was a sentient plant which used his spores to indoctrinate the colonists and create an army of mindless slaves. We had to fight our way through hundreds of them, and when we finally defeated their source, my whole body was numb. We saved almost everyone, so it was a major victory, but the first thing I did being back on the Normandy was throwing up. Then, during the debriefing, I collapsed...

The next thing I remember is waking up in my room sometime during the Normandy's night shift. My whole body was aching, I felt freezingly cold and on top of all, I was **hungry**. Goddess, I had never felt that hungry before! Despite my condition, I sneaked towards the mess, hoping to find anything to eat, but... there was nothing left. The mess sergeant already locked the food away, and I was no officer, so I didn't have a shelf on my own either.

Standing hungry in the darkness, alone with my pain and fear... it was simply too much and I broke into tears. But then..."

Liara starts smiling, both because of the fond memory and the sight of her new friend unwittingly leaning forward in suspense. But she doesn't continue with her story in spite of that; she is too busy sorting out a strange emotion inside her. Although having talked more than she probably did during the whole last week, she is feeling... refreshed. It takes her a moment to localize the source of her new energy, but when she does, she has to gulp back a happy sob.

She doesn't know when it started, but the acrid shroud of depression is gone. Jennifer is gone... Touching her engagement ring tenderly, she takes a glance at Traynor, who is still almost fidgeting in anticipation.

 _Did you do this, Jane? Did you know that the memories of our first steps together would banish Jennifer from my mind?_

"Liara? Is there something wrong?"

She shakes her head. No, there is nothing wrong. Everything is all right, or at least it would be again. A single teardrop is rolling down her blue cheek as she gives the diamond-gemmed ring a short kiss.

 _I love you, Jane. Please, come back soon! I want you make my body forget as well..._

Finally she is able to concentrate on the slightly concerned looking woman in front of her again. Coating her words with all the love she is feeling, Liara continues right where she stopped.

"But then something wonderful happened: Sniveling silently, I suddenly felt gentle hands at my shoulders, pulling me into the most comforting, the most protective hug you can imagine. It was Jane... She told me that I made her proud, that I had been very brave on that planet, and that I was marvelous. And she whispered that I got her worried.

Later I heard that it was her who carried me to my quarters, checking on me every half hour while I was asleep. I didn't know this then, but it was pretty obvious that she actually cared about me...

After some minutes I mumbled an apology and began wiping my face, which was blushing badly. Jane however opened her personal compartment and removed a plate full of things I liked: a small bowl of fruit salad, two of the sandwiches Kaidan always prepared for special occasions and some of these yellow pieces of fried root vegetables. But most importantly: A seperate plate with a thick slice of chocolate cake. Apparently she studied my habits just as careful as I watched hers... I was deeply touched and more than a little self-conscious, but she was very kind and understanding. She sat down with me at one of the tables, and finally we acted on our mutual attraction.

Before, we only discussed things concerning our hunt for Saren, and the longest time we spent together apart from assignments had been during debriefings. But at this night, we started to **talk**. We spoke about almost everything: asari culture, human culture, our personal history, funny stories about living onboard a starship, pets, archeology, music, elcor productions of human plays, racial stereotypes, her driving style... We sat there for hours, just chatting and eating cake. And beginning with the next day, no matter how long a mission took or how busy we were, we at least had our dessert together."

Staring into space dreamily, Traynor's expression shows a hint of... wishfulness?

"Woah, that's soooo romantic... So the cake reminds the two of you of falling in love with each other?"

Placing a few soft strokes at her ring, Liara smiles wistfully.

"Yes and no. For both of us it was love on first sight; during these talks, we slowly began accepting our already existing feelings."

 _I know, but Jane doesn't. I never told her about my emotions on Therum...  
_

"And the cake... There is still one last part of the story."

The dark-skinned woman looks at her with an expression of disbelieving glee.

"Oh my gosh! Even more? Seriously: I'm eating chocolate cake, my toothbrush is broken, and you keep on bombarding me with sweetness! Holy bollocks, my pearly whites are gonna hate me for it, but... Shoot!"

Despite being amused by Samantha's foolery, Liara produces only lukewarm chuckles. The memory is bittersweet, and unlike the dream she had one week ago, remembering her mother still hurts.

"It's not very pleasant, I'm afraid... As I said, my mother was indoctrinated. What I didn't tell you is that... we had to take her out. She left us no choice. It happened on a planet named Noveria, three months after we started eating together; Jane was the one who... she was the one bringing my mother peace. But... it took some time until her body gave up. She... she was strong, she always had been... I... I held her in my arms when she died."

"Good heavens! Liara, I'm so sorry! I didn't know..."

"It's... it's all right, Samantha. I'm... "

* * *

 _"Mother..."_

 _"Good night, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn."_

 _"Please, hold on! I love y-... Mother?"_

 _"..."_

 _"M-mother?!"_

 _"..."_

* * *

"Goddess!"

Sensing her emotional turmoil, the young woman reaches out and squeezes one of her blue hands reassuringly.

"What happened next? It must have been difficult. For both of you..."

Thankful for the distraction, Liara coughs slightly.

"Yes. I was devastated! And Jane... When we returned to the Normandy, she couldn't even look at me, and I didn't understand why... I spent the whole day crying in my room and feeling lonely. I craved for Jane's company, but... she avoided me. Curling myself up on my cot, I stared towards the wall, but I couldn't find sleep. The pain was too intense."

The next memory is sending radiating warmth through her whole body. Closing her eyes, Liara starts smiling again.

"After mourning for hours, the sound of an opening maglock made me jump. It was Dr. Chakwas, who came in and sat down besides me. Squeezing my shoulder gently, she expressed her condolences and then she said something I will never forget:

'The girl cares about you; a great deal. You know that, don't you?' Karin turned around and strangely, she chuckled. 'Shepard asked me to bring you this. My medical advice would be a more balanced diet, but I have to admit, it's an established comfort food.' Then she showed me a thick slice of chocolate cake, freshly baked and still steaming..."

Looking at her now almost empty plate with sparkles in her brown eyes, Samantha nods slowly.

"Shepard was too afraid to visit you in person, wasn't she? Probably she thought it would hurt you even more... She felt guilty about your mother's death; guilty and ashamed for causing you sorrow, of course!

She ordered fresh cake from the mess, because she hoped remembering happy times would give you consolation, right? You were accustomed to have your afters together and it all started with chocolate cake, so... It's a symbol that you aren't alone, isn't it? That she cares about you, even if she's away? Oh my goodness, that's soooo sweet!"

Liara can't help but admire Traynor's razor-sharp brain. Smiling thoughtfully, she takes a long sip of her almost forgotten tea.

"Indeed. But it's also a reminder of something else... Ignoring Karin, who was smirking oddly, I crawled out of my cot and ran towards Jane's cabin. It was dinner time, so the mess was full of eating crewmen, and... Oh, you don't know the original Normandy's layout, do you? My room was behind the medbay, and the captain's quarters were just at the far side of the mess hall. In SR-2 terms: I went from EDI's data core to the X.O.'s office."

Her words are accompanied by a pang of nostalgia. Despite the SR-2's numerous advantages, the SR-1 had been way more... cozy. And all the fond moments with Jane...

Meanwhile Samantha is knitting her eyebrows in an attempt to visualize the scene. A second later she nods approvingly, and Liara continues talking.

"Very well... I ran through the mess, glistening tears on my face and wearing nothing but a pyjama, so my bare feet slapped on the cold floor with every step. I barely noticed Wrex calling for me right before I reached my destination. And there she was: Sitting at her table with slouching shoulders and staring at her own slice of chocolate cake sadly.

Noticing me, Jane almost stumbled over her chair when she stood up. She was incredibly pale, had dark rings under her eyes and her hair was a pure mess, but she was the most wonderfully beautiful creature in the galaxy anyway!

Before she was able to say something, I dashed forward and pulled her into our first kiss. She returned it and... my heart **jumped**! I was still crying, so the kiss was wet and salty, and my inexpertness made it very sloppy. But by then, I never had experienced something so... magic, so... perfect. I literally felt eternity, my very soul, burning...

We spent the rest of the night together in her cabin and she insisted on sharing her meal with me, because I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast that day. And whenever grief overcame me, she caressed my cheek and gave me a soft kiss... In the end we lay down on her bed and Jane held me tight, stroking my back until my tears went dry. The last thing I remember is falling asleep with my head rested on her shoulder, feeling strong arms around my body and tender lips at my crest...

And so we became a couple. The rest is, as the human saying goes, history."

Looking at it with an expression of pure bliss on her blue face, Liara is stroking her engagement ring lovingly. Traynor is watching the gesture with a knowing smile.

"Thank you, Liara. For telling me. It's a gorgeous story! So... there will be chocolate cake at your wedding, I suppose?"

Emptying her cup, Liara chuckles softly in amusement. She really enjoys spending time with Traynor; the woman is funny, intelligent, a good listener and... a friend.

"Of course! As far as I'm concerned, at least. Three days ago, Jane mentioned something called 'blueberry pie'. I think it was a joke, but with her you never know..."

"Ha! You can say that again! She's a remarkable woman, isn't she?"

Chuckling by herself, Samantha finishes the last crumbs of her cake, flushing them down with the rest of her tea. Liara however is gazing into space.

"That she certainly is..."

 _She died and came back to me. I shattered her heart on Ilium, but she told me about her love. Despite the war torturing her body and mind, she gave me the happiest day of my life. And now I attacked and injured her, but all Jane thinks about is helping me... By the Goddess, I will show her how grateful I am! And how much I love her!_

The blue of Liara's sapphire eyes turns several shades darker and she nods decisively. Yes, it has been far too long!

Allowing Jane to close the last festering wounds Jennifer scarred her would be the first step. But there are other things to do as well.

Cleaning up the mess she made out of their bedroom and her body is essential. Liara makes a face, disgusted by her own behaviour. She even let her brow markings, usually her only concession to vanity, fade! Grooming herself would probably be beneficial for her intentions.

Remembering one particular embaressing thing her fiancee said, Liara is sniffling at her armpit stealthily and wrinkles her nose. Jane likes the scent of her pheromones, this hint of eezo, lilac and seasalt, but she would take a long shower nevertheless!

Another point on her still growing list. And Jane would come back soon...

Liara purses her lips and looks at Traynor guiltily, who is collecting their dishes, placing them neatly on a tray. She appreciates the time together with her new friend, but...

"Samantha, please don't get me wrong, but... could we continue this later? Maybe tomorrow in the evening? There are some, um... preparations I have to make and J-..."

Standing up with an expression of cheerfulness in her brown eyes, the young woman is cutting her short with one of those strange human sayings. The meaning of her words however is unmistakable and heartwarming.

"Do you need a hand?"


End file.
